I thought this didn't happen the second time around

I guess what "they" say about your first child being the practice child were all wrong. I mean, I can kinda see the point of that. The first is where you learn what's right and what's a mistake. Leave it to me to buck the norm.

I've already messed up Emmie. Probably for life. See, we co-sleep with her. Granted it's only half the night, but I'm just too tired to fight her at 4am. Plus, we brilliant parents thought it would be great for them to share a room. Yeah, that's not working out so well. Seems like the screaming that wakes me up is also waking Lexie up. Not good.

Emmie has also gotten used to napping in her bouncy seat or the swing. She will not sleep in the crib. Damn the crib, she cries. So, the only crib time this kid is seeing is from 11pm to 4am. That's five hours people (yay, I can still do math!). Which means I'm only getting maybe 4 good hours of sleep. Seems I've let Emmie become a bed hog while I was also destroying my sleep pattern. Add a bed hogging husband and you have no room left for me.

I also rock her to sleep. This is something I never did with Lexie. My back wasn't in too good of shape back then (was it only last year, seems so long ago). But, the back has either healed itself, or I've become so sleep-deprived that I don't notice, so I rock and rock and rock. Oh and I rock some more. And this leads to. You guessed it, a baby who will not go to sleep on her own.

The kid's only 4 months old. There's still time to reverse the damage, right?

Hello world, it's me

I'm alive, and improved with cable internet. The move into our own place! went smoothly. S did all the heavy lifting, I did all the bossing around. Perfect. The cable guy that came out here yesterday looked so much like Adam Levine from Maroon 5 that I was practically drooling and having the most impure thoughts. Thank God I remembered I was married, because I'm sure he would have had me, what with all the drool and spitup covering my pajama shirt and the wild, unkept 'do I was sporting on my head. Oh yeah, infidelity was imminent, but again thank God I remembered S.

It's still so surreal to me that we are living in an apartment with the same square footage as the house we were renting in California. And for a fraction of the monthly cost. It's wonderful. I sleep so much better at night knowing we aren't getting screwed out of most of our money.

The kids are great. Emmie learned to roll over this week. Lexie learned to hit Emmie with toys. This makes for one banged up Emmie. Poor thing. I can't wait for the day to come where she defends herself. Lexie is in for a nasty surprise. I'm laying my money on Emmie now.

I've been asked t be the Matron-of-Honor at my sister's nuptials this spring. I'm pretty jazzed since that means I beat out her twin sister. Take that, twin-bond my ass. I kid, it's probably on because I live in the same state. So internet, tell me what being a Matron-of-Honor entail? I know I throw the bachelorette party, and hold the flowers and fix the train of the dress, but what else do I need to do?

Oh yes, and who could forget this happy news?

pause

well, finally got an apartment. I will be without internet for who knows how long. I know, I know, I died a little reading that too.

Hopefully I'll be back and actually posting to your blogs as well by the end of the week.

it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood

Lot's of stuff going on around here, let's see if I can catch you up. But first, a look into how strange my mind is...

I'm a wiper-of-kisses. I always have been, always will. It drives S crazy that I always wipe my mouth with the back of my hand after he kisses me. I told him it's not that I don't like kisses, it's just that I don't like the wet feeling on my lips or cheeks or wherever. So, yesterday morning S kisses me goodbye and yells for me NOT to wipe his kiss away. I lay there in bed, physically holding my hands back, aching to wipe the wet kiss away. What made it especially horrible was the fact that he had just brushed his teeth, so his lips were wet and cold. Yuck. He laughed at me, finding great amusement in the fact that I was going mad with the need to wipe my mouth. I swear to you, my lips were tingling. Not the good kind either. It was the acid-eating-through-flesh tingling. I know, you're laughing at me now. But internet, I swear to you that's what I felt. S finally left and I scrubbed my lips dry with the comforter. And that is a small glimpse into the mind of Christina.

Now, exciting news! My sister is getting married! Her boyfriend of a year asked the big question Monday night. But only after asking our step-dad permission. Isn't that the cutest thing you've ever heard? My other sister's husband did that same thing. Not S though. No, we were "living in sin" and I was already knocked up when we got married. My mother calls me the alternative child. If there is an alternative way of doing things, especially if it's against the norm, by golly I'm doing it. The only downside of this is the fact that I have to wear a bridesmaid dress again. Yuck.

Still no news on a home for us. The property management company is taking it's sweet time getting back to us about our credit check. The other company we were going to use lost us when they cashed our check and ran our application on a property that was already rented. Losers. But, this other company seems to know what they are doing and they have some great little places in our price range. Here's to luck!

it's a beautiful day

when another little one is born. Congratulations Toni.

We are family

I've never really thought about how my family appears to people outside our "circle." But, living with them with S, he has given me some new insight. We are a ditzy bunch. Not ditzy dumb, just ditzy. We repeat things over and over (and over). We fail to listen when others are talking to us (which kind of goes hand-in-hand with the repeating thing). The more of us in the room, the louder the volume. We watch bad reality TV and comment throughout the show, thereby frustrating others like S who are trying to listen. None of us are good with direction. We're what you call landmark drivers. You know the type. We'll tell you to turn at the Shell station as opposed to turning onto Main Street.

With all of these quirks comes a lot of love. Sure we tease each other to no end. I'm still getting crap from fall I took in front of everyone, quite embarrassing. But it's this love and affection that keep us close. I love every member of this crazy bunch and would do anything for any of them.

This all being said though...I am so sick of living here. I long for a place of my own, a place with my furniture and my decorative taste. If I have to look at one more country-style painted heart I will scream. Everything here is pink and blue. My mom is a nerd (I've inherited that), I love her, just not her style. We're still waiting for out credit check for the apartment we want. I wonder what is taking so freaking long. How thorough do they need to be? Sheesh.

So, I will stand it here a little longer and hope the word is good come Tuesday (stupid Monday holiday). Keep those fingers crossed.

aren't they sweet?

after many, many, many attempts we finally achieved a semi-nice picture of the two girls:



here is what the other 23 pictures looked like from that session:



and here:

Long time ago when we was fab

Here are some random photos of sweet, cute, little old me:

1982, I'm 4 in this picture. Can you see the damage from thumb-sucking on my teeth?


1986, I'm 8 1/2 here. All I remember was I fought my teacher to keep that sweater on only to have my mom yell at me for not taking it off.


1987, I'm 9 1/2 and looking geeky. In the photo, as well as the two above, I am wearing outfits my mother sewed for me. Unfortunately, I possess none of this talent.


1996, I'm 17 here. That's my youngest sister Katie there with me. We're on the Peter Pan ride at Disneyland, I think. I'm wearing a bright yellow Magical Mystery Tour shirt and a Piglet watch. This was the beginning of my still ongoing obsession with the Beatles. Yeah, I was so cool.


I'll have to dig up some super embarrassing junior high pics. I think my mom hid them so I wouldn't destroy them, smart lady that she is.

I'm a working (wo)man

Well, I got the job cleaning the daycare where my sister works. Sounds easy enough, just 15 hours a week, weekends off. I like that I'll be there by myself. That's three glorious hours all by my lonesome, just me and a mop. I love how the center is set up, very easy cleaning. Everything is plastic. I'm now considering going that route for my house.

Speaking of houses...still nothing on that front. I'm going to look at apartments today. I was so set against renting an apartment, but seeing how much cheaper they are to house rentals I think I can compromise. That way we can save, save, save for a house to OWN. I'm so sick of renting.

The kids are great. Emmie is growing like a weed. Still nursing like a champ. We hadn't given her a bottle in a few weeks, so last night I gave her one to make sure she would still take it. Lucky for me, actually S since he'll be feeding her while I work, she took it with much pleasure. She lives to eat, just like her big sister. She is also smiling and cooing and trying very hard to roll over.

Lexie is starting to pick up in her vocabulary. She says: please (pease), thanks ('anks), your welcome (welcome), the standard hi and bye, who's that (also used for what's that), down (meaning up), mom, daddy, grandpa (bapa), and Kaya (our dog) and Daisy (my mom's dog). There are a few others that I can't think of right now, but you get the picture. I think living here in a very busy, people filled home has helped her pick up the speech more. She also screams everything she says. There is no quiet setting on this girl. Just like her mama.

I've had a blast going through old photos of my family and me. I will scan a few and post them so you can see what a DORK I was (still am).

Oh and Linda, for some reason I can't post on your site. So, hey to you. I'm still reading you and all that. I'll figure out the problem here soon.

that would be a hell no

The house I really wanted; the one with the quaint kitchen, bearclaw bathtub, and the cellar straight out of a Stephen King book; yeah, this house is two doors down from a halfway house for sexual offenders. Seems Mrs. Spazzy Owner "forgot" to mention this little nugget of info when we were in the process of falling in love with her house. How does one "forget" something like this?

Seems that it doesn't bother her, what with the fact that she has no children and the men living there have never given her any troubles. Yeah, no troubles lady. Let's hear you say that when one of them breaks into your house late at night to "chat" with you. And by "chat" I mean tie you up and ravage you. Let's see you "forget" that they are two doors down then.

So, the search for living quarters continues...

pros and cons

Here I am, still living with the 'rents. It hasn't been that bad really. I just hate sharing a room with both kids. Lexie has started snoring, which would be cute if I was hearing it over an intercom and not in my right ear. S and my step-dad have bonded over basement remodeling and softball. The testosterone is flying here.

Some great points about living with my mom, step-dad and sisters:

• free babysitting,
• meaning I get long, leisurely showers.
• homecooked meals that I didn't have to prepare.
• free babysitting.
• trying to do the dishes and getting shoo'd away (is shoo'd a word?).
• free babysitting.
• reconnecting with my mom and sisters.
• free babysitting
• saving bunches of money by not having any bills to pay, other than cell phone and car payments.

But, as you know, with the good comes the bad:

• no privacy
• guilt over watching my mom clean up after all of us
• no privacy
• buying a bag of candy and not even getting one piece (thanks mom).
• no privacy
• the imagined pressure to find a place already. My mom and step-dad insist they aren't sick of us, but I don't want to push it.
• the fear that I'm cashing all my free babysitting chips in now, as opposed to when I might actually need them (Starbuck's runs are not really that necessary).

So, we have a few houses to look at tonight. Rent here is cheap and that's what we want. We have a goal of how much to save for a downpayment and I already have an area picked out for where I want to live. Downtown Coeur d'Alene is so quaint and charming, I just want to gobble the whole town up.

Oh, and I bit the bullet and applied at Starbucks. My sister's boss hasn't gotten back to me yet, and I need a job like yesterday. I'll let you all know how that goes.

but are they hiring?

It's weird, asking a place if they are hiring. I feel like an imposter. And I feel old. When did that happen? And would it be that very strange to have a boss that is young enough to be my kid, if I was having kids at 11 that is?

I'm looking for part-time work. Basically, some no-brainer job that brings in a little extra cash so we can save for a downpayment on a house. I'm thinking Starbucks or one of the many hotels in the Coeur d'Alene area. But walking into the Starbucks here, I realize how so uncool I really am. All the kids (emphasis on kids) working behind the counter are just so...you know. With it. They wear the latest fashions, listen to the newest music. And here I am, a mother to two small children, married, approaching my thirties at a frightening speed. Do I really think I can work with these young people? I feel like I did on the first day of high school, a time I would rather forget.

I hated high school, which I think most people did. I hated trying so hard to make sure everyone liked me. Hated worrying about the clothes I couldn't afford to buy and wondering if anyone would notice that I was wearing a knockoff pair of jeans. Really, why would I want to throw myself back into an atmosphere like that again. An atmosphere where this time I know I'm not cool, not wearing the right thing, not saying the right thing. Where every night the kids just roll their eyes and exclaim that I'm too old to understand (have I really gotten to that point already?).

Well, money is money and the really question is: how badly do I need it to subject myself to the kind of headtrip I'm already starting with myself? Not that bad. Which is why I'm applying for a job cleaning a daycare after hours. That way I don't have to deal with people and I get to do what I now do best. Clean up after little people.

still alive

Well, here I am pounding away at my mother's computer, wondering if this was the right move. Of course I know it was, but S and I have been questioning our sanity for the last couple of days. All we can do is trust that all will be well.

Fun things are happening here. Lexie learned how to climb out of her crib. It's toddler bed time. Yes, she climbs out of that too, but as long as the door is shut, she falls alseep kind of near her bed. Near as in on the basement floor and the other side of the room. Even though I placed many pillows near her crib, she chooses the floor. What a weird kid I have. She also learned that she loves the taste of dog food, and wilkl eat it at any chance she gets. Again, she is a weird, weird kid. She must be mine. Emmie is doing great, hasn't complained about moving once. Doesn't even seem to notice. I guess when all you do is sleep and eat, it doesn't matter where you do these things just so long as you can do them. Kaya (the wonder pup) is fairing well. My mother's dog, Daisy, took a bite out of her hindquarters. Don't fear, 'tis merely a flesh wound.

All in all we are doing great. I'm loving having trees to look at, instead of concrete BART tracks. It was so strange how quiet it is at night. S had to dig up a fan to turn on just so we had some background noise. I know, damn city slickers that we are can't handle a little peace ans quiet.

All my bags are packed...

Well, the internet gets shut off tomorrow morning. So, this is a goodbye-for-now post.

I hope to be back up and posting by Wednesday night. Well, maybe Thursday. I will need some rest after the grueling 20 hour drive. With two kids. Alone in the car with me. AGH!

Wish me luck!

t-minus 3 days and counting

AGH! Why is it that I have been packing for almost a month and I'm still nowhere near being done? And why does S keep scheduling 'fun' things for us to do in the last week we're here? He wants us all to go waterskiing tomorrow. Which really means, he skis while I chase after Lexie and Emmie. Fun for all!

So, I've been thinking (uh oh). I feel I'm pretty open here on this blog, and I'm pretty open in real life too. Is this a bad thing? S seems to think so, he says I give people way too much ammo to use against me later. I say it keeps me honest and let's me know who really likes me.

I bring this up because on a message board I belong to (you know who you are), I was sharing some of my recent past history involving arrests and drugs. S was reading over my shoulder and couldn't believe I was putting that all out on the internet! For everyone to read! I could hear the exclamation points in his voice! I figure, what better place to share the real you, the real things you have done than the internet. The internet is still relatively anonymous, and it's not like I'm telling things I wouldn't tell a real living human (you know, as opposed to the real dead humans).

These things I have lived through have shaped me into the person I am today. Some might say that is a good thing, since I'm so damn wonderful. Others might think the exact opposite. And to them I have two little words, and they aren't "I'm sorry."

So, how do you feel about sharing personal info on the web? I'm not talking bank info and social security numbers (God, I hope none of you share that stuff. But if you do, email me). I'm talking about embarrassing things, illegal things, stuff like that. I live in a world where I interact with people more online than anywhere else. Am I sharing too much? Not enough? Do you want me to just shut up already?

bad girl

okay blogging world, I know I've been a bad blogger lately. I'm sorry to all of you wonderful blogs that I read everyday, yet have failed to comment on in weeks. I try, but sometimes all I have time for is a quick read then it's back to packing. Packing and chasing Lexie around yelling, "no, Lexie. NO, Lexie. NO, LEXIE!"

It will only get worse here before it gets better. Looks like we'll be at mom's for at least 2-3 weeks and yes she has internet, but it's dial-up (AGH, NOOOOOO). After that we may not get internet service for a while to save some money, but I know the library there has free internet usage for poor folk like me. I will try to keep up on posting, but commenting I can't promise.

So, know that I am still out here stalking you...er, I mean reading. Just reading. No, I am not stalking you. Well, okay maybe a little. But, it's just because you are so much cooler than I am.

it's my bloggiversary

one year ago today, I posted the first post that got I woke Up For This... rolling. Will someone tell the 2004 model of Christina that the new (but not necessarily improved) 2005 model says hope you enjoyed that oh-so-boring motherhood while it lasted.

It's been a long and bumpy ride to today. A lot has happened and a lot has changed. Well, except for me being weird. That's a quality I'm never parting with, baby!

Here's to another year of blogging history.

*and yes, I do still sing "why is your butt so stinky?"

crazy

Well, we only have about a week left of living in good ol' California. God, I will so not miss this place.

I'm running around like a mad woman trying to get everything packed, organized and whatnot. All the stuff we didn't sell at the garage sale has to be sorted through for what can be donated and what can be tossed. S and I are fighting over the refrigerator. He wants to sell it (to who???) and I want to keep it. I mean, it's not like we're moving in with my parents up there, we're just crashing there until we find a (preferably) house to rent. My dryer crapped out so that takes care of one big item. We're leaving the washer too because it's one hundred years old and I have the sneaking suspicion that it's not cleaning my clothes the way it should.

I'm getting so excited. I feel like this is a chance for S and I to start fresh. California is a great place to live if you have a load of money. Or if you don't mind never being ahead. Think about this. Minimum wage here is $7.15, I know seems like a lot, right? Well, a single family home, built about sixty years ago in the town I'm living in now (which isn't a very nice town) has an asking price of $500,000.00. Yeah. Rent on a one bedroom apartment starts at about $900.00 a month. Now, tell me how anyone without a "career" can make it here. They can't, so says the lines at the welfare office.

I know it's going to be rough for us in the beginning. But, S loves to work hard and is also planning on finishing his schooling for his electricians license (something he couldn't afford to do here once Lexie was born), and I will have the help of my sisters and mother so if I wanted to work I could. Which I will probably do in a few months, just something part-time to help get our savings back.

Well, now you know a little more about my plans. Sorry for the yawn posts lately, but my mind is in a million different modes right now. So, consider yourselves lucky that I'm posting at all.

do you see what toddlers do to you?

Have I told you of my long-term childhaving plan? Do you want to know? Well, too bad 'cause it's part of what I want to tell you.

Our plan is to have Lexie and Emmie, then wait three years and try again. That is if my woman parts cooperate as nicely as they did with the conceiving of Emmie. Before Lexie was born, our plan was just to have one because we thought even one was a long shot. Then Emmie came to us so quickly and we started having wonderful fantasies about gaggles of children (and with gaggles? I mean four).

But then, Lexie became a toddler. A terrible toddler. You know what I'm talking about. The constant screaming, the biting, the hitting, the hair pulling...the list goes on and on. Did you know she bit her little baby sister last night? Bit her. On the toe. Yeah. So, while Emmie's screaming because well, her toe hurt and Lexie's screaming because who knows why, S turns to me and says, "that's it! We're so done having kids." You guys, my uterus died a little right then and there.

I can see where he's coming from....wait, no I can't. He thinks having two little ones is hard? Really. Who is home with them all...day...long? Who changes the 20 diapers a day? Who is up to her ears in laundry and dishes? Me, the mommy, that's who. And do I think I'm done? Hell no. I know it's hard now, but I also know it will get (somewhat) easier later. So, as lovingly as I could, I turned to S and told him to, "we'll be done having kids when I say we're done having kids!" Think he got my point?

I'm on empty

I've got nothing. My blog-well has run dry. Too many times I have run to the computer, with a half-formed post entry rambling about in my head, only to draw a complete blank once my fingers hit the keyboard. So, I'll just give you some highlights from my weekend.

Saturday we held a garage sale and made a whopping $30.00. Which was actually $30.00 more than I thought we would make. We also found a home for my guinea pig, Pippin. I was a little sad about that until I remembered what a pain in the ass is was to clean his cage and how expensive that bedding was (because I am a neurotic freak who had to use the ultra-absorbent, naturally processed, made-from-recycled-newpaper bedding). I also found a new home for my fish. Don't worry Kaya (the wonder-chihuahua) is staying with us.

****okay, I just had like two paragraphs about what I did yesterday and Lexie hit some button and made it all go away. Argh! To recap: I watched a sucky-ass movie and that was about it. Hmm, now that I think about it, Lex might have done me a favor. I mean really, two paragraphs about nothing?****

I'm tipsy and feeling long-winded

My good friend from high school, Jen (one 'n' and don't forget it), came over tonight and got me tipsy on some kind of alcohol concoction. And now I'm blogging. Fun times.

Is it bad that the first sip relaxed me in a way I haven't felt in a while? Jen and I analyzed this to death about an hour ago, trying to decide if that made me an alcoholic. I don't think so, I think it just means I've been wound tighter than a...than a...than something wound tight (whoa, my brain is really functioning on high right now, not). I worry about these things though because a) I'm a worrier and b) I'm a recovering addict.

Did you know that about me internet? Yes, I Christina, used to have a problem with substance aduse. But that's all for another post on another day. Anyway, the 12-step program I worked through beat it into my head that alcohol is a drug. I just don't see that. I mean, if I was chugging 6-packs every few hours, or if my every waking thought revolved around my next drink, than yes I could say it was a problem for me. But I'm not and I don't, so let's leave it at that.

Anywho, my reason for sitting down to blog has escaped me and now I think I'm rambling. I think I'll turn in for the night. S has agreed to Emmie duty since I had a major tear-filled breakdown this afternoon due to my lack of sleep. God bless my husband. Oh, and God bless my Avent Isis pump. I don't know where I'd be without either of you.

Oh, and Heather! thanks so much for getting me hooked on this damn website. I sat reading those postcards forever today, and now my eyes are crossing. That will teach me to go through someone's blog links.

great news

Get over to Linda's blog and congratulate her on her wonderful news.

I am so excited for you Linda. Congratulations my dear internet friend!

well sure, I forgive you (but I'll hate you forever)

I have a little problem with letting things go. Especially grudges. I love to secretly hate people. Well, S would say it's not really a secret when I bitch about them all the time, but what does he know? Certainly not the fact that I'm still mad at him for that thing he did in June of 2000.

How bad is my grudge-holding, you ask? Well, how's this for sick. I am still mad at my old friend Susan because she became a major twat over my hanging out with her best buddy Keith. Mind you, both Keith and Susan are dead now. Unfortunately, Keith killed himself in 2002, which I'm still angry over (with good reason) and Susan died in a car accident in 2003 (time to let that one go). I will find myself getting all worked up over something she said and then sheepishly remember that she's gone. I did have the chance to talk some of our problems out with her about a month prior to her passing, but the Keith issue was never touched. In some ways I'm sad about that, but in other's...well, I secretly enjoy holding onto that anger. It's a sickness I tell you.

What sucks about me being a major grudge-holder is that I am also cursed with a wickedly good memory. I can remember conversations verbatim from years ago. So, I can totally be (secretly) harboring ill-will for you over something you don't even remember saying. It's like I have a catalog in my brain for each person I meet. It comes in handy when having an actual argument with someone, because I can whip out facts and nonsense to make their head spin. Wait, I'm starting to see why I don't have any friends. I kid, I kid (I hope, I hope).

The reason for this post is this: I'm moving a few states away in a few weeks and I find myself trying to sabotage the few friendships I have here. Namely, my one good friend in particular. I find myself spending my time with her now remembering all the things she has said that have pissed me off. It's like it would be easier to leave on bad terms, than to make the promises of coming to visit and weekly phone calls. And I find myself looking back and seeing that this is the normal pattern for me. I've made clean breaks from my closest friends whenever I moved in the past. And when I look back on those friendships all I remember are the grudges I hold and a few fond memories, but not as many as one would expect.

Is this really healthy? No. Is it easier than fessing up to the pain of missing someone and admitting that your life is a little less full without them? Hell yes. So, see I am a little crazy. I am a little nutty. But, don't try to tell me because I'll just end up hating you later.

*I'm disabling comments on this one as it was more of a therapy session and I don't want any assvice. Not that most of you would dispense of said assvice, but you know...just in case.

mice, rats, and spiders...oh my!

Our house is under attack by little creatures that like to come out at night. I knew we had mice, we've been battling them for a while now. But, imagine my surprise when the other night a rat ran down our hallway. Into my bedroom. My bedroom folks, where I sleep at night. Where I am naked at least once a day. I feel dirty just thinking about it.

The battle is raging. I tried sticky traps only to find the traps in new locations with some fur on them. I have to laugh because I can so picture some dumb rat running around with a trap stuck to it's head. How it's getting loose is beyond me. I'd rather not think about it. I've now resorted to poison. I've hidden it in strategic points around the house (don't worry, little fingers can't find it). So far I've had two kills. Victory will be mine.

Another creature making itself comfy in our backyard is the black widow. I'm totally fascinated with these beautiful spiders as you can see by the pictures I took here and here*. Yes, I actually got down on my hands and knees to take those. I'm weird, but that was established long ago. These beauties are residing under a patio chair. Needless to say, it's theirs now, none of us will be sitting there anytime soon. In fact, the chair is staying here when we move.

This is making it all so much easier to move. I mean really, who wants to stay in a house with rodents and spiders? Let's just hope they don't find us in Idaho too.


*if you're wondering...yes, I took pictures of one of the mice too. He was trapped behind our stove. Sadly, S deleted those pictures. He deleted them all the while mumbling about how his poor wife had gone insane. I say how can one go insane when they already were...heehee!

boxes...I don't need no stinkin' boxes

I hate packing. It sucks. A lot.

The end of July is rapidly approaching and I'm starting to stress about the move to Idaho. We still have no place, but I'm working on that. My mother is acting as our apartment scout. She actually goes out every day and looks at potential places for us. She rocks! I think what's really motivating her is the not wanting us living with her. I don't blame her at all, I don't want to live with her either. Did that for 18 years, don't need to do it anymore. We get along great now and I think that is mostly because we aren't living under the same roof. Well, that and the fact that I finally pulled my head out of my ass.

I didn't realize how hard it would be trying to pack with a toddler running around. I don't know why I didn't realize this, I mean everything else is hard with a toddler, so why would packing be any different. I just have to pack while she's sleeping. See, I'm becoming a smarter parent every day.

Well, I apologize for this post not really going anywhere. My mind is whirling and I can't seem to grab any of the thoughts tumbling around in all that empty space. Plus, our house smells like poo. Seems that the poo-bomb swim diaper of Lexie's got forgotten about in the sideyard waste can. Add in some California summer heat and viola...poo smelling house.

the list

totally stole this from Dawn (thanks!).

• Johnny Depp. Yes, he is probably at the top of everyone's list, but I don't care. Look at how yummy he is:

• Dave Navarro. Oh, I have loved him since he was in Jane's Addiction the first time. Yummy. Carmen Electra is one lucky bitch:

• Brad Pitt. He's my "pretty boy" pick. I don't think I could ever really go through with this one though, I mean really, how can I sleep with someone prettier than me?

• Adrien Brody. He is one of my two "geek" picks. I think tall, lanky, nerdy types are hot!

• Jeff Goldblum. My second "geek" pick. Yum:

so, I want to know...who's on your list?

and now for a little about me

Thanks to Heather for agreeing to "interview" me...

The Official Interview Game Rules
1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different.
3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions...


1. Early when Lexie was born, you switched from BF to FF b/c of back problems. Did anyone give you slack or judge you for this decision? If yes, what did you reply?
Well, the only person to give me hell about it was the La Leche Nazi, er...lactation specialist, I talked with. She actually told me that I would be a bad mom if I gave Lexie formula. At the time I thought breastfeeding was just hard because of my back and large breast size, so I didn't really defend myself to her. I actually thought she was right in a way. I dealt with a lot of guilt of the decision to formula feed Lexie. Now, having Emmie, who can breastfeed like a champ, I know that it was problems on both my and Lexie's end. Her latch wasn't correct due to being a few weeks early, which no one told me until Emmie was born (Emmie had the same problem, she was also early).

2. You are now a mother of 2 beautiful girls, a newborn and a toddler. What is the most challenging aspect of mothering 2, what is easier than you thought it'd be?
The most challenging aspect is prioritize what needs to be done that day. The first few weeks (and still today) I would try to do everything. I now know it's okay to skip a bath, let the dishes pile up, and if one kid's crying it will be okay. I have to remind myself I am only human and there is only one of me.
The part that's easy that I wasn't expecting was how calm I am with Emmie. With Lexie, I would freak if she whimpered. I also realize now that babies aren't as fragile as they look. I don't act like Emmie is glass and that makes mothering her a lot easier.

3. Lexie is pretty young to be able to grasp the concept of having a baby in the house. How does she cope, interact, and react to Emmie time with mommy?
It took her a while, I think, to understand that Emmie was a permanent part of the family. She had been around babies before, but never for more than a few hours. Now, she's so cute with Emmie. She loves to uncover her then re-cover her with the blankets. She also likes to steal Emmie's binkie. She calls her baby, put pronounces it "baa-bee." She doesn't like when I nurse Emmie and tries to climb all over me. So, I have to nurse Em on our bed (it's too high for Lex to climb onto). She hated that at first, but now realizes that she gets to play in mommy's room for a while...bonus!

4. How is the MIL drama going? Did she ever reply to your email?
I am so over her. No, she never responded and I am pretty happy about that. S called his dad to tell him we are moving and she hasn't even called to chat about it or invite us over for a last dinner together. They also ignored S on his birthday, which wasn't cool, but totally expected. It makes moving from S's dad that much easier.

5. I LOVE movies. Sometimes, I feel a movie relates to me in so many ways. What movie/character would you relate most to yourself?
My all -time favorite movie is Gone With the Wind, I fell in love with it while in junior high. Growing up, I always related to Scarlett. I felt she was so like me. Selfish, headstrong, exactly what I wanted to be. Now that I'm older (and a wee-bit wiser), I relate more to Melanie. She is kind, loving, always there for the ones she loves. I strive to be like her in many ways. But, it's still fun to be a total bitch like Scarlett every now and then.

Here are the rules again if you want to be interviewed!
1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different.
3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

hey, I'm busy

Hope everyone had a great fourth. I know I did. I folded laundry, then laid in bed, listening to the neighbors set off M-80's until 2 am. Fun! I think next year will be the year we actually get off our asses and watch real life fireworks. Lexie should be old enough then to only scream occasionally for fear of being under attack. Fireworks are fun.

We did have a nice afternoon. We went to Todos Santos Park, where they usually have a kick-ass farmer's market. Yesterday, they had several bands playing and Lexie loved grooving to the music. As usual, we got many compliments on how adorable she was. And, of course, once they saw Emmie, we also got the "wow, you have your hands full." comments. God, I hate those. Like I didn't know having two under two was so time-consuming until the very moment a complete stranger points it out. Same goes with the, "you're certainly busy." Am I? Am I really? Because I so didn't know. Hmm, is that why I'm so damn tired (and crabby, can you tell)?

All in all, it was a good holiday. I got to spend time with my family, so that's always nice. I'll close with some pictures from our day.

nonsensical thoughts and ramblings

• Yesterday was S's birthday. He is now 33 years old. Good Lord, I'm married to a mid-thirties man. I'm almost thirty! When did I get this old. I remember thinking 25 was almost dead (granted I was like 15 when I thought this). I don't feel old.
• S and I went to a movie yesterday. Because it was his birthday, he got to choose. He chose War of the Worlds. I hate Tom Cruise (which, I mean, really who doesn't?). The movie was freakin' awesome though. Steven Spielberg can make special affects so pretty. And who doesn't love Dakota Fanning. It's nice to see that she isn't going through that awful awkward stage most child actors go through at her age.
• I have to beg off some money from my dad tonight. It looks like the truck rental company is going to rape us of $900 (that's a dollar a mile, folks) and we are poor. My dad is rich, so there you go.
• Looks like I'll have DSL until the day before we move! This, I am happy about. Damn SBC trying to rape me of the $200 charge of "breaking my contract" I am very not happy about. Seems they have forgotten that the fee doesn't apply if the customer moves to an area not offering SBC. So, I will win this one.
• Our cable will be shut off almost a week before we go. This is going to suck since Lexie is addicted to Disney in the mornings. Luckily, I have a few Wiggle's DVD's for her to get her fix every morning.
• S turned the dryer off last night mid-cycle and now the clothes that were in there smell funny. Thanks butthead.
• I took Emmie to the doctor yesterday. Nothing big, she still looks a little yellow and I wanted to make sure that was okay. She's perfect (ha, the doctor said so!) and weighs a whopping 10lbs 12oz. So, she's gained almost 4lbs in 5 weeks. Guess this means breastfeeding is working after all.
• Lexie is great too. She pooped in her pool last night and I didn't notice until she had drank half the water. Can you say EW! Yeah, I did along with a few other things. Called the doctor and she said not to worry, that she doubted Lex drank half the pool water. Hmm, it's like she knows I have a flare for the dramatic. I'm going to miss this doctor so much. Damn.
• Well, my head is empty now. Off I go to clean house.

Fun with water

Things can only get better, right?

So, S quit his job yesterday. I told him to if it meant he'd be in a better mood around here. But, (and this is a huge but) the thing is, his boss owns the house we're renting. That means he have 30 days to vacate the house and find a new job for S.

Gulp!

So, we're moving to Idaho. Yay! My mom said we can crash with her until we find work and a cheap apartment. I am totally excited. S is concerned about me, thinking I have brain damage (or drain bamage), because this is the sort of scenario I used to have nightmares about. I don't know though, this all seems so right to me. Like this is The Plan for us. I've wanted to move closer to my mom since the day Lexie was born.

I might not be posting much in the next 30 days. I have to get our whole house packed, have a garage sale this weekend, and all that other jazz. Plus, I will obviously be terminating my contract with SBC (yippee!) and who knows when we'll have our own internet service. My mom does have it, so I will be able to post from there. Don't worry, you can't get rid of me that easily!

More answers from me, the expert

Thanks for all the responses on my last post. Heather and Diana raise a good point. Is it possible to love your second (or third, or fourth, or tenth) as much as you love your first? The answer is a gigantic YES!

I was very worried about this through my entire pregnancy. See, I have this dog named Kaya. She was my surrogate child. And I loved her as much as I thought you could love a real, live child. I swore when Lexie was born that my love for this furry thing would not change. Boy, was I in for a shock. Don't get my wrong, I still love my dog (except when she's leaving 'presents' for me on the carpet), but I now know you can't possibly love an animal as much as a child. Well, I'm sure there are people out there who do love animals more than people, but they're just plain nuts and don't apply to this at all.

Now, when I became pregnant with Emmie, I freaked out. I didn't think there was any love left in my heart for another child. I mean, look at how I tossed my little chihuahua to the side. Yes, the rational part of my brain was telling me that I was going to give birth to a baby, not a puppy, but who really listens to the rational part of themselves while pregnant. I think that's what they call an oxymoron.

Flash forward to Emmie's birth day. I was still very worried about how I was going to split my heart between two children. All through my labor all I could think about was Lexie. It got so bad that we had to deny Lexie visiting because whenever she was in the room I forgot to concentrate on my labor. This just served to freak me out even more. I just knew I was going to hell because I was going to be a horrible parent to Emmie and she would be scarred for life by my bitter denial (have I mentioned how much of a drama queen I am?).

Then it happened. The doctor plopped Emmie onto my chest and all my worries were forgotten. My heart swelled with love for this little slimy, screaming thing. What was so awesome about the love I was feeling for her was how it was the same love I had for Lexie, only different somehow. And what really rocked was that my feelings for Lexie were still there. I felt like the Grinch when his heart grew to three times the size. I knew then that I could have 14 kids and love each and everyone of them. My heart would always make the room.

you've asked, so now I will tell

So, Mrs. Bean wants to know all about having two children under two. Since I've been a mother to two under two for exactly 37 days, I consider myself an expert on the subject and will proceed to tell you all about it.

I'm finding that the second child is way more easier than the first. Though, I don't think any mother to two or more doesn't know this. I'm not nearly as freaked out about every little thing and find myself enjoying this little person. The trouble with having your second so close to your first is that the enjoyment time you're having with number two is drastically cut. Just as I get comfy and cosey with Emmie, I have to put her down and chase after Lexie.

I am tired. But, it's a good kind of tired. Like how you feel after working out. It sucks at the time, but after you know you're doing something good. Yes, I just compared raising children to working out...shut up. As I said, I'm tired.

Lexie is entering the tender brat stage. Oh, the temper this girl has. I call my mom to complain about Lexie's latest tantrum and all she can say (between fits of laughter) is, "payback." I guess I was a high-strung child myself. S was too. So our genes met and created this super mutant. A mutant that can arch her back, throw herself on the ground, and wail with enough gusto to sweep the Oscars.

Emmie is a peach. How can she not be? Her only talents at this point are projectile spit-up and the occasional blow out diaper. It's the more active stage I'm dreading. And I have a feeling Lexie is just waiting to teach Emmie all there is to know about driving me mad. That's okay, there is still some of my natural haircolor left to turn grey.

you said boobs, heh heh

Have you ever noticed that once a woman has a baby, all that the woman seems capable of talking about is boobies and poop? It's "my breasts..." this and "my nipples are..." that and "the baby's poop is..." this. Quite intriguing. I think this is why people give post-partum woman so much space. They are sick of hearing about it.

I don't think a day goes by where I don't talk or think (obsess) over my 'girls.' They are getting way too much mind-time. But I can't stop. My mother told me she was going to stop calling because the first words out of my mouth are usually something like, "so my nipples are really toughening up." She doesn't seem to care.

Neither does S. He's just mad because the 'girls' are working girls now and therefore, he can look but no touch. For a boob-man like S, this is a small death. He'll be in mourning for a while.

I"ve heard about men who are "into" breastmilk. That is just sick and wrong on so many levels. I didn't quite believe it until I googled the subject. Internet, you are sick and twisted. Though, I've known that for years. Really. S is not one of those men. He is totally freaked out by breastmilk. It stems from some bad strip bar experience in Mexico...I don't know, I don't ask. I'm guessing it wasn't pretty though.

Parent of the Year

Well, just got off the phone with Poison Control. Yeah, Lexie swallowed about four 800mg Ibuprofen tablets. Fun times. Don't worry she's going to be A-okay. The worst that can (and probably will) happen is a tummy ache and vomiting plus diarrhea.

I feel like a shit head because not only did she get into the damn bottle, but I'm the one that left the bottle out with the lid not secure. And the topper?

Oh, this is good.........









wait for it.........









I caught the act on camera.

Yeah, I saw that she had crawled into her drawer in the kitchen and thought it was cute, so I grabbed the camera. I so didn't notice that she had the bottle in the drawer with her and was chomping away on a pill. Check this pic out and notice the bottle top in her hand. Aren't I a great parent?

But, this paper dress doesn't match my shoes

I had my 4 week post-partum check up today and while sitting in the waiting room I had the strangest feeling. I. Missed. Being. Pregnant. Thank God I got the prescription for birth control because who knows where my brain is at. How could I, the woman who was basically pregnant for two years possibly miss it?

So anyway, what is up with those damn paper dresses they make you wear? There I was sitting naked, wrapped in pink paper (pink!), with breastmilk dripping all over the place. Why can't they let you keep your bra on, at least until the doctor comes in? And why did they have the AC blasting? Didn't they know that I was freezing my ass off? What with being soaked with the mommy juice dripping all over the lovely paper garment, thus rendering it useless, not that it was doing such a hot job keeping me covered anyway.

I know that my doctor has seen worse come out of me than breastmilk. But, it's a little degrading sitting there trying to hold a conversation with someone when all you can think about is the liquid gold* being wasted on the linoleum floor. And I know she was having a hard time maintaining eye contact. I so would have too.

By the end of the visit, the front of my party dress was pretty much disintegrated. Oh well, so much for drinks and dancing.


*we call it liquid gold here at Casa De Austin. Why? I can't remember, but it's a funny story.

I can see clearly now (soon)

I'm going to get contacts today. My poor, poor glasses have finally given up the valiant fight after months of battle with a toddler.

It all started in Hawaii. While lounging in a comfy hammock, my glasses were assaulted by ten month old grubby hands. They didn't fair well. In fact, the nose piece and eye piece were separated briefly in combat. Fortunately, my sister is handy with super glue and they were reunited. Unfortunately, the super glue trick was a trade I had to learn since the war waged on after vacation and away from my gluestick wielding sister. I'm not as handy as she is, as evidenced below:



Yes, dear internet, I have been walking around with a glob of super glue in front of my right eye for months now. Months! Talk about trashy, white trash. I have no excuse. But see, I hate to spend money on myself. If it were one of my kids, or my hubs, or even my freakin' dog that needed new glasses or contacts, I would put myself into debt. But for myself, nothing. How else can I play the martyr?

S finally got sick of hearing me bitch (well that and the super glue ran out). He has ordered me to march myself to the doctor, get my prescription, and order some lovely contacts. It's been about six years since I've owned a pair of contacts. Let's hope I remember how to stick my fingers in my eyes.

Fathers and Mothers

So, today is Father's Day. And I did what I do every Father's day: I call my mother and tell her "happy father's day, mom."

Yeah, you read that right. My dad hasn't gotten a "happy father's day" out of me since I was about six. That was the year he left my mother, two sisters and me because he never wanted kids in the first place. He missed being single. Yes, you can call him an asshat. I have, and still do on occasion.

My mother raised us girls being both roles, which isn't so unheard of in this day and age. Divorce is a common thing, though I don't think it should be, but really does anyone? Anyway, I think she did a rockin' job. My step-dad helped her through the terrible teen years, marrying her just in time for my thirteenth birthday. God bless him.

My father's role in my life was minimal. He would see us maybe two weeks out of the year, during which time he would throw cash and presents at us as a way to compensate for his guilt. At least, that's what I like to think. Today we have a somewhat easy-going relationship with each other. I call him if the car breaks down and S doesn't have time (or we don't have the money) to fix it. He's the one to call when you need the dough. Unfortunate, but I don't think he sees it that way. Money to him is all-important. But, that's a whole different post.

He's really trying to be a good grandpa. Which freaks me out. It's like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop and for him to up and leave, saying he never wanted grandkids anyway. I doubt that will happen, but the little bitch in my head says otherwise. Isn't family fun?

So, Happy Father's day, mom. Thank you for all you've done for me.

Why I'm going to suck at helping with homework

me: ok, the web address is http, um colon, um backslash-backslash...

S: that's forwardslash.

me: no, it's not.

S: yes, it is. walks over to computer to point out how the slashes are slanting forward.

me: WHATEVER! I can call them whatever I want. Same difference.

S: ...

me: what?

S: calling them whatever you want makes you sound retarded.

me: oh yeah? Well, you are retarded.

S: ...

me: so there.

Stuff portrait friday

Okay, first we have the "what was I thinking" photo. This one is kinda boring. This couch once belonged to my great-grandfather. It used to be pink (think early fifties pink). My mother re-upholstered it to the lovely shade of green it is now (think early seventies green). My father hated to part with this precious gem and asked me if I would take it. You know, to keep it in the family. My only defense is that I was eight months pregnant and it was early in the morning when he asked...


The next photo is of the "something I feel obligated to display" category. There are so many items to chose from in my house. Most of them are my deceased mother-in-laws, so I guess those don't really count as my crosses to bear. Here is a picture of the drawing my little sister drew me about four years ago. She told me I had to hang it somewhere everyone would see and I did. It's in my kitchen. I guess I could take it down since she's 13 now and doesn't care if I have it up or not. Oh, and she lives in Idaho, so it's not like she would know if I had it up or not either...


Finally, "something I have that I'm pretty sure no one else has." This poster (in a frame! So high-class!) came from my husband. He found it in an abandoned apartment back when he managed apartments, way before he met me. It's kinda trippy and he's pretty sure the original owners were heavily into the drugs. Staring long enough at it, you can totally see what he means...

This is entertaining

So, I intalled a stat counter because I'm cool, just like all of you. Well, that and I was super curious to see how some found my blog through searches.

It seems to most popular is I hate my mother-in-law or some other form of that exact sentiment. But, did you know someone stumbled upon me by searching for tingling sensation in the nipple or, my personal favorite, kill piss ant.

I'm so having fun with this.

**oh yeah. Thanks for liking my blogs new clothes. I found the template at Miz Graphics and then changed it up a bit. I'll try to stick with this one for a while, though it's totally addicting.

No news is good news...right?

She hasn't returned my email or even called. This doesn't really surprise me since she is Mrs. Passive-Aggressive 2005. But, I'm itching for battle and the ball is in her court. If I strike again, I'll just look mean and evil.*

I'm sure she's telling anyone who will listen though what she thinks about me now. That's fine, bacause those people will tell me. It's a vicious circle, reminiscent of junior high. Remember those days? Yeah, I thought I was past them too.

The kids are doing well. We bought Lexie a new swimsuit for the summer, and I must say it's quite adorable.


Emmie is growing like a weed.


I'm really enjoying the infant stage this time around. With Lexie I was a giant stress ball, always worrying about if she was eating enough, peeing and pooping enough, sleeping enough, etc, etc. That is something good about having them so close together, you haven't forgotten everything you went through with the first. It's all still fresh in your mind. Linda said it best: you're still in baby-mode. That makes is a little more tolerable. Well, that and the fact that my kids are the cutest damn things ever reproduced.

*at least that's how the rules are in this crazy family I married into.

What is totally warping my mind

is the fact that someone under three feet tall can manage to lose not one, but three remotes. All to three different televisions.

I'm totally blaming S for this one. I know I would never let Lexie play with the remotes. Now the phone, well that's another subject all together.

This means war

Okay, more mother-in-law drama in...

5

4

3

2

1

Omgod, I cannot, no really cannot, stand this shedevil any longer. She has pulled the last straw. I guess she's now angry with me and talking smack about me to anyone who will listen because I a) haven't returned her phone call (because like, duh, I just had a baby) and b) I haven't called her for help. And she knows I need help because, and I quote, "no one can raise two kids that young by themselves."

What. The. Fuck.

She has also turned my father-in-law against my husband, his son. Oh yeah. He is now telling anyone who will listen (and thankfully, they do and report to me) that S is smoking pot (not true) and skipping out on work (true, but because he threw his back out and is staying home under doctor's orders). I don't get this family. Not at all. They are all crazy. Seriously.

I have really opened a can of worms though because I, gasp, confronted MIL in an angry, yet eloquently written email. That's pretty much declaring war in her book. Well, bring it on beeatch. I am so ready.

A little about me

I wasn't tagged but this looked like fun...

10 years ago, I....
1. was a finishing up my junior year in high school
2. worked as a manager at the local McDonald's
3. dreamed of running away from my small town

5 years ago, I....
1. had just started dating my husband.
2. worked as a receptionist at a veterinary hospital
3. dreamed of running back to my small town

Today I ....
1. took a shower
2. tried to fix our printer
3. scrubbed one toilet (one down, one to go)

Tomorrow, I will....
1. be on my own with both kids (my mom leaves tonight...sniff, sniff)
2. think about cleaning the house
3. probably watch a lot of bad TV

3 Snacks I Enjoy:
1. anything chocolate
2. nachos
3. cheese and crackers

5 Songs I know all the words to, even with out the Music:
1. Ice, Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice
2. The Humpty Dance by (is it?) Digital Underground
3. Baby's Got Back by Sir Mix Alot
4. Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen
5. any song by the Beatles

Things I would do with $100,000,000:
1. buy a house
2. buy another car
3. pay off all debts

5 Locations I'd run away to:
1. Hawaii
2. Ireland
3. Australia
4. Fuji
5. Idaho (only because my mom is there)

5 Bad habits I have:
1. I swear like a sailor
2. I procrastinate
3. I worry way too much
4. I bite my nails
5. I burp...and don't say excuse me

5 Things I like Doing:
1. sleeping
2. reading
3. hanging with my kids
4. camping (as long as there is a real bathroom nearby)
5. riding amusement park rides

5 Things I would Never Wear:
1. capri pants (my legs are too short)
2. two piece bathing suit
3. halter top
4. hot pants
5. moomoo

TV Shows I like:
1. Lost
2. Survivor
3. Amazing Race
4. The 4400

Movies I like:
1. Ocean's Eleven
2. Stand By Me
3. Gone With the Wind

5 famous people I would like to meet:
1. Jesus
2. John Lennon
3. Johnny Depp
4. Angelina Jolie
5. President Bush

5 Biggest Joys at the Moment:
1. Lexie
2. Emmie
3. the fact that they are both napping right now
4. my mom did my dishes
5. and she did my laundry

okay, I'm tagging Linda...YOU"RE IT.

Stuff Portrait Friday

This one's a fun one...


Something you have that you want more of :


Something you have that you want less of:




Something you have that you are completely satisfied with as is:

The Next Generation

I don't know what I find funnier in this picture: the totally uncomfortable smile on my grandpa's face or the attempt to placate Lexie by dangling keys above her head. Fun times at my grandparents house!

My grandparents aren't what you would call kid people. I think they were once upon a time, considering they had two girls, but it's been a while and they are rusty from lack of practice.

Enter Lexie.

Lexie is at that tender age of destruction all toddlers hit about this time. You know the age I'm talking about. If there is something breakable within reach, she will reach it and most likely break it. Seems the grandparents forgot this little detail about kids when they invited us over. It was amusing though watching them squirm and shoot the look to each other whenever they thought no one was watching. You know the look. It says, yeah she's cute but she's got her grubby hands all over our stuff and I hope those grubby handprints will come off with minimal scrubbing. Good times.

It thrills me to no end though that both sets of my grandparents are alive. It's a heartwarming sight seeing them hold my child, knowing that not all that long ago (try 27 years...no, not long ago at all) they were holding me and commenting on how small my ears were.

Stuff Protrait Friday

Got this idea from Linda (thanks)...so, here are some random pics from mi casa.

This is our "we're to cheap to buy a real computer desk" computer desk:


Here are a couple of pics of Lexie's room (which is still a work in progress):




And here are a couple of pics of Emmie's room (used to be Lexie's room and also a work in progress):




And, finally, a random shot of what our morning is like. Notice the look of concentration on Lexie's face:

Got this idea from Linda...so play along.

Copy the questions to your blog and fill them out.


1. Blogger that you most want to meet in person? The list is long and wonderful (pretty much every blog I read, I want to meet the person), but I would love to meet Linda. she's like my online bestest friend. And you know girl I will be knocking on your front door if I'm ever in your neck of the woods.

2. Blogger who makes you laugh the most? Dooce and The Sarcastic Journalist both have the ability to make me laugh long and loud.

3. Blogger whose template(skin) is the coolest? Taylor's new blog is awesome. I love the watermelons!

4. Blogger you can't wait to read a new entry from? Dooce is probably at the top of my list. But, I love when everyone has a new entry. So...blog on, blog on.


edite to add: I don't know why when I hyperlink it crosses it out. I'm sure it's a HTML code thingy, so I guess we have to deal with it.

So many blogs, so little time

I've added some wonderful ladies to my blogroll. Check them out. There is Leah, Taylor, Dawn, Melissa, and a few others*. All of them are worth the visit.

It now takes me about an hour and a half to read through my favorites in the mornings. Thank God for Lexie's 2 hour nap. I don't know what I'm going to do when Emmie is mobile and Lexie is no longer napping.



*if you want your blog removed from my blogroll, drop me an email. If you want to be added, I can do that too!

11 days old and already her first yeast infection

Ladies and Gents, my baby has Thrush. And she's passed it on to my nipples. Yeah, thanks kid. Mommy loves you too.

Thrush sucks.

Damn. That's all I can say. Well, that and Ouch. My poor nipples look like punching bags and the pain is something else. It all started yesterday, right about the time after I was bragging about how easy breastfeeding was going for me this time. See how Murphy's Law works here? No sooner had the words left me lips, I suddenly felt a tingling sensation in my right nipple (and not the good kind either). About two hours later and I was having to bite my tongue during Emily's latch on to keep from screaming bloody murder.

Thrush sucks.

So, now I get to smear goo all over Emmie's mouth and all over my nipples. They say I can feed through the pain, but who are "they" and why do they lie? My plan? Pump and feed with a bottle. Pumping hurts, but nothing like Emmie's jaw working.

Thrush sucks.

Luckily (yeah right, luck!), the doc says it's just started and should clear up soon. But, the pain. Oh the pain. Let's hope I survive.

Thush sucks.


by the way: Emmie's 10 day check up was good otherwise. She's up to 7lb 1oz, meaning she gained about a pound in one week (she had dropped from a birth weight of 6lb 13oz to 6lb 2oz on Monday, the 23rd). She definitely fits into this family with an appetite like that.

What is this little person?

Lexie is still trying to figure out what this little person we call Emily is.

For those of you who asked, they are 14 months apart and I'll have to get back to you on how having them that close together is.

Lex has taken to petting Emmie. It's quite cute, yet can become violent if you don't watch her (think Lenny in Of Mice and Men). She also likes to snuggle with me while I breastfeed, which is amazing in itself because this is the child who wouldn't snuggle for the first 13 months of her life. Suddenly, she's a lovebug. I totally dig it.

Life is pretty good here at Casa de Austin. A routine is emerging and a light is shining at the end of my tunnel. It's looking pretty good.

Tag! You're it.

I am participating in a fun game from Linda and here are the instructions:

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.
5. Don't search around and look for the coolest book you can find. Do what's actually next to you.

I had to go into my bedroom to find a book and the first one I saw was 1906 by James Dalessandro (it's a novel about the 1906 earthquake in San Francisco).
Here's the fifth sentence of page 123:
The overhead light cast a yellowish glow on the bald pate, dusty traces of dried salt glowing faintly on his thick eyebrows and mustache.

Since I have yet to read the book, I have no idea what this sentence means. I'll have to let you know. I'm thinking maybe earthquake stuff, you think?

Thanks Linda for tagging me. I'm forfeiting tagging, so it's open call. Have fun!

Some proof that as a mom, I ROCK

Today I went grocery shopping. With both kids. By myself.

Now before you go off shaking your head, wondering why I will tell you. S had to return to work today and my mom is scheduled to be here in about 4 hours. And we had no food in our house, unless Poptarts and Starbursts count as major food groups suddenly.

So, into the Snugglie went Emmie and into the cart went Lexie and off my rocker went me. Actually, it wasn't so bad. Emmie is in the lump stage of babyhood, so no worries there. And Lexie loves sitting in the shopping cart growling at people who look at her (S taught her that trick, so cute). The only trouble I had was when I dropped my debit card and it slid under the register. Agh! Fortunately, Grandma Moses happened along and somehow got her osteoporosis-self down to the floor to retrieve it for me. I kept waiting to hear bones crumble (I'd say crack, but I think she was well past that age). Thank God for nice elderly people.

So, our house has food and my mom won't think all I eat is Poptarts and Starbursts and everyone lived happily ever after!


edited to add: yes, I've changes my blog look again. I get bored with the same old, same old. If you think that's bad, you should see my house. I rearrange furniture at least twice a month.

like two peas in a pod

except for their noses, you'd think it was the same baby. Aren't they precious!

If you listen closely, you can hear my sanity blowing in the wind

Surefire way to make your sweet angel of a 14 month old go bad? Bring home equally sweet angel newborn. Guaranteed for a good time.

Wow is all I can say. Lexie is a mondo-brat and I'm not liking it. I find myself wanting to scream at her (like she does to me...Hey, it's only fair) and while I know that's not a good parenting thing, sometimes it seems like it would feel so good. I'm getting really good at counting to 10. Maybe I can find a career in that.

Emmie (still working on that as a nickname, what do you think?) is a dream. Breastfeeding is going well, which is a huge relief off my chest (pun intended, yuck, yuck, yuck). In case you're wondering, I failed at it miserably with Lexie, as mentioned here. I'm happy to say my back is holding on. I'm still not liking the breastfeeding and am waiting for that wonderful moment to happen. You know, the one all the mothers tell you they have. That moment of bonding and closeness.

Yeah um, all I feel right now is the urge to say "moo."

Birth Story (sleep deprivation issue)

Here's the low down on how Emily arrived...As you know I was hospitalized on tuesday. Man, what a drag. Well, friday came and I figured my blood pressure would still be good (even after walking), so I thought (and hoped) I would get to go home for at least a week before induction. The doctor came in and checked me after my walk down the hall and my blood pressure was 170/108...oops. She told me I was having the baby that day.

So, they started the pitocin at about 11:00am and I hung out on that for awhile. Doctor came in at 2pm and checked my cervix and I was 4cm! Woohoo. She broke my water and I nicely asked (begged) for my epidural. It took the doc 3 tries to get that damn thing in. He missed big time and I still have a little pain in my back from that one.

Anyway, epidural kicked in but then around 5:30 it wore off and I was dying. Not to mention the fact that they had 2 emergency c-sections so I had to wait almost an hour for the epidural man. By then I was puking I was in so much pain. He gave me a dozey of a dose and I was numb all the way up to my armpits...very weird.

Around 7pm, I told the nurse I had to push and yup I was 10cm but I had to wait almost another hour for the doctor to make her way to the hospital (traffic and an accident held her up). That totally sucked...it is so hard not to push when your body wants too.

Finally, the doc comes in and three pushes later Emily Lynne was born. I tore a tiny bit and required 1 stitch, but everything else went so well they let me come home yesterday!

Sorry, if this rambles or doesn't make sense in parts. I am suffering from a bit of sleep deprivation. I'll be back soon I hope. Getting used to having two little ones is harder than I thought. I'm dreading my hubby going back to work and my mom going home...agh!

Introducing Emily Lynne

isn't she lovely?

We certainly think so.

Here she is folks. Born May 20th at 7:54pm. Weighing in at 6lbs 13oz and measuring 20 inches long, she is about the same size Lexie was, which is impressive since Emmie is considered pre-term.

I'll post the birth story in all it's (guts and) glory in a few days. Just know we are home and happy!

Stolen moments

Okay, shhhhh I'm not supposed to be using a laptop here in the hospital, but my dad snuck his in so I could get my internet fix.

Here's the lowdown. While laying (lying...hmmm) down, my blood pressure is PERFECT. I mean perfect like 110/60. WTF? My doctor didn't believe the nurse and insisted on coming in to see for herself. Quite funny. So, the plan is to have me rest up in Chateau Antepartum Ward. We'll do some more bloodwork and blood pressure checks after I walk around a bit tomorrow night. Then, friday we re-evaluate the situation. I still want to induce next week (when I hit 37 weeks), mostly because I'm freaking out being away from Lexie (oh, and S) for so long. I hate depending on others for help and this is simply killing me. Thank god for my step-mom and friend Linda. They have both met the challenge of taking care of Lexie while S is at work.

Okay, enough from me. If the nurse catches me with this electronic device after I just begged and she still said no, I don't know what will happen.

Next time you hear from me...

I'll be a new mom, again!

I'm being admitted to the hospital tonight for the remainder of this pregnancy. Good news: baby isn't breech anymore! Bad news: my blood pressure is holding steady at 180/108.

I'll miss everyone and will be going crazy without internet. See you in a few weeks.

The Casserole Party

It was a blast. In total, we received 12 casseroles all frozen and ready for consumption once Monkey makes her debut. It is a great party idea, especially for second-time moms. I figured I just had a baby last year, there isn't much I need, but food is always welcome. Now, my cooking after the bambina comes will be cut in half. Yay, for the casserole!

It was also nice yesterday because I got a mini-break from Lexie. Lord, I love that child with all my being, but sometimes a momma needs a vacation. S was kind enough to take the day off of work and watch her. He even got up with her in the morning so I could sleep in. Bliss.

A perk at the party was Alana. She's one of my step-mom's closest friends. She also happens to be a retired L&D nurse and is married to a high-risk pregnancy doctor (his official title has escaped my pregnancy-scattered brain). I got to chat with her at length about my fears of breech births, versions, c-sections, you name it - we covered it. She agrees with my hopes of scheduling a version then induction immediately after. I guess that's standard procedure for her hubby. I feel more confident now in my choice and have a feeling Dr. Not So Nice will agree with me.

So, that sums up my Saturday. Hope all of you are enjoying this fine weekend!

I think she's hanging onto my ribs

So, yeah, she's still breech. I think she is trying to crawl (swim?) into my ribcage. It's an intensely uncomfortable feeling. Blood pressure still somewhat high. But, we have a tentative plan...

I go back in Tuesday for another two second ultrasound to see if Monkey is still breech (we're laying odds on it being so). Then we have the "discussion" with Dr. Not So Nice about versions and inductions. What I want to have happen is this: schedule version for about 37.5 weeks, then if successful induce right then and there. No worries about fetal distress and I get to have my mom there for the birth. The Nurse Practioner I saw yesterday said that's the way she would go, but of course I have to talk it over with a doctor. And, of course, Dr. Not So Nice is the only doctor open all next week for appointments. Ugh.

So, that's what is going on in pregnancy land here at Casa de Austin. Stay tuned for baby shower news tomorrow evening. This should be fun. My step-mom is throwing me a casserole party (where everyone brings a freezable casserole instead of a baby gift) and I insisted she NOT invite my mother-in-law*. Now, all should go well as long as MIL doesn't get wind of it.



*for those of you new to my story, here is an example as to why my MIL is not invited.

Yeah, this isn't going work out for the best

New pregnancy symptom: eating anything not nailed down as fast as one can shove said anything down one's throat. Then, complain loudly for approximately two hours. Rinse, repeat.

I don't know where the food is going. I don't even think I notice what I'm eating. Well, yes this morning I did notice that I had Fritos and Toast with a tall glass of Dr. Pepper (the yummy vanilla-cherry kind..mmm). And I am noticing now that I'm having animal crackers (shared with Lexie of course) alongside a Jimmy Dean breakfast sausage sandwich for my mid-morning snack. I shudder to wonder what lunch will bring.

It's like I can't stop. It's like I'm making up for the lack of appetite I've had up until now. Seriously, two weeks ago you'd be lucky to get two full portioned meals into me. Now, you're lucky not to lose a finger in the process.

My little dolly, er....girl

her first ponytail. No, we don't let her drink Dr. Pepper so don't ask.

34 week check up

Well, the baby is breech. Her head is tucked rather comfortably (for her, not me) under my ribcage. Dr. Kinda Nice (there are three doctors at the practice: Dr. Nice, Kinda Nice, and Not So Nice). wants me back next week to check her position and if she's still head up, we will schedule a version for the following week. Fun! Actually, I'm a little frightened and am blaming the Discovery Channel and all their terrifying birth shows where versions go bad.

Also, my blood pressure is going up. Modified bed rest has been order. Yeah, try that with a toddler. This should be interesting. I'm kinda hoping to just schedule an induction date. That way my mom can be here for the birthing of the baby. 'Cause you know, like Prissy in Gone With the Wind, she knows all abouts birthing babies. Yes ma'am. Hee hee.

Ugh

Yes, folks. I am a grumpy pregnant woman. Watch out. Here are a few of the things making want to SCREAM today.

• My guinea pig, Pippin, is whistling for food. Yet, he has food. He thinks he can fool me by covering up his dish with bedding and then act like he's starving. Ugh.
• The punks with LOUD bass lines thumping in their cars. Um, I thought they were lame in high school and my opinion hasn't changed since. Especially since their crap music is making my windows rattle. Ugh.
• Lexie keeps trying to eat dirt in the backyard. Ugh.
• Husbands who can't seem to throw empty milk cartons away. Leaving them on the counter next to the garbage does not count. Ugh.
• I've had the same Wiggle's song stuck in my head for about a week now. Fruit salad, yummy yummy, my ass. Ugh.
• The same husband thinking it counts when he throws his dirty socks in front of the hamper. Hey, it so doesn't. Ugh.

Okay, I'm going to go take a nap now.

Now, where could I get this cashed?

Interesting read this morning on yahoo news.

Tell me something I don't already know. Though, it does feel good knowing that the media is acknowledging how much work staying at home with kids really is.

Adventures in Labor and Delivery Ward Part II

Yup, was there again last night for 3 hours trying to figure out what the extreme upper abdominal pain I was having last night. They think my large intestine is being "squished" (actual techie term, I guess, because my doc used it) between my ribs and my uterus. Meaning, this baby is bigger than Lexie was. Great, just great. They were afraid it was the sign of HELLP. I'm so glad it isn't.

Baby sounds good, she was kicking the monitor almost the entire time we were there. The nurse got mad at me because after 2 hours I disconnected myself from the machines. I mean, come on, I wasn't there for a NST and all we were doing was waiting for my urine test to come back (oh yeah, I have an UTI...FUN!). Why do I need to be on those monitors and forced to lay in some wacko position? I didn't. The nurse disagreed. We had words. I won. S says he so hopes she isn't on when I come back for labor. That would be my luck though.

I'm tired of this. Tired of the pain, tired of the peeing (though after the anti-biotics kick in that should return to somewhat "normal"). Only 7 more weeks. I can do it. Yes, I can.

Maybe I'm amazed at the way I need you

S had just put his sunglasses on and Lexie is amazed. Look! A new daddy.

T-minus 55 days and counting (edited to add my thoughts on lunchmeat)

32 week check up today. Everything is as it should be. Blood pressure 124/82 and I've lost the 3 lbs. I had gained two weeks ago. Hmmm, don't know how that happened. All I've been shoving into my face is lunch meat ans Starbursts (just finished off about 20 of those suckers just now).

Have I mentioned yet how tired of being pregnant I am? I figured out that at the end of all this in a span of 24 months. I will have been pregnant for 18. Yuck.

As I told S, after this one my uterus is on strike!

Edited to add: Anonymous poster brought up some concerns about consuming lunchmeats while pregnant. There is a risk of lunchmeats carrying the bacteria listeria (click here for interesting article). I'm assuming that Oscar Meyer lunchmeat is safe.

Here's the thing about our house

Some of you have wondered why we don't just move? Some of you have even said you would move if in this house. Well, here's the thing. Rent here is freaking CHEAP.

See, S's boss owns this house and likes to rent it dirt cheap to his employees. For that we will stay. Just to throw some numbers out at you...We were living in a 850 sq. ft. Townhouse for about $1200 a month. That's considered reasonable for the area we live in (I know, I think 'reasonable' my ass too). That townhouse had two bedrooms, 1.5 baths, and a kitchen only one person could be in at once. FUN! The house we are in now is about 1600 sq. ft., three bedrooms plus den/office, 2 baths, and a kitchen the whole family could do a jig in, if the need should ever arise. And, we're paying about $1000 per month. The house three doors down (hmmm, speaking of three doors down, whatever happened to that band?) has the same floor plan and I know they are paying about $3500 per month in rent. Yeouch!

So, for now I'm willing (somewhat) to put up with all night porch lights and driveway blocking. We've been here a year and hopefully won't be here longer than another year. The goal now is to move to Idaho, where houses are cheap and the land is pretty (why do I feel the urge to belt out a Guns-n-Roses song all of a sudden?). Plus, my mom lives up there and ever since I became a mom, I've missed her most terribly.

Thank you for your concern though. And to Jaynee: thanks for the great idea of parking in their driveway. I told S, and he is salivating over the thought.

How I start my day

Hmm, maybe I need to lay off the Diet Coke?

Won't you be my neighbor

I'm sick of the street we live on. Not only are the BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit...think subway) tracks directly across the street to our left, not only is it a busy road where the speed limit is clearly marked 35 yet most losers drive 50, but my neighbors across the street and to our right suck. A lot.

Let's start with the blonde "I'm better than you" bitch across the street. Every morning she stand outside, cigarette dangling from her lips, watering her lawn. All the while glaring at our lawn like it is a personal insult to her just because most of it is made up of weeds. Hey, at least they're green weeds. She then proceeds to bitch loudly about the fact that I don't have my dog on a leash. Never mind that Kaya (the dog in question) is too chicken shit to leave our front lawn. I think she's pissed because I let our dog piss and pooh all over our own lawn. GASP.

The icing on the cake with this neighbor is her porch light. The porch light she turns on at 11:30pm every night, right before she goes to bed. Yeah, so her freakin' porch light shines into my bedroom window all night long. And it's situated in such a spot that it shines right through the hole in the blinds we have up, right onto my face. Son of a bitch.

Now, onto the neighbors next door. They are a lovely family, with very cute kids. Kids that like to scream outside every morning at 6am. But, that's not why they upset me. No, it's the fact that they have like 7 cars and not one of them is parked in their empty garage or empty driveway. No. Almost nightly one of their cars is blocking our driveway, so that I have to go ask them to move it before S gets home for work. Sometimes, S has to ask them to move in the mornings so he can get to work. This has been going on for almost a year. We thought at first it was a language barrier or something. But, I know they speak English. I think they're just dumb. They also have one truck that has an alarm installed that is so sensitive to sound, it goes off every time a motorcycle drives by.

Here's a kicker. They repaved their driveway two weeks ago, and still won't walk on it. It's kind of comical to watch actually. They tiptoe around the edges, teetering side-to-side like they are crossing some narrow bridge 10 miles up. It would tickle me more, but then I think about the cars that should be parked there and I get all mad again.

So, there you have it. My wonderful neighbors. I'm just glad we are renting right now and are not stuck owning this house.

Adventures in Labor and Delivery Ward

Yup, I got to spend 3 glorious hours at L&D yesterday. Why? Because I'm a nutjob.

No, what really happened was I noticed at about 11am that I hadn't felt Baby Monkey move all morning. What a way to get the panic rolling. And rolling it went. I was so hyped up on being freaked out I couldn't hold still long enough to do an hour of kick counts. Maybe 3 minutes would go by, I wouldn't feel anything and then I would start bawling. Have I told you all how melodramatic I am yet? Yeah.

So, I put a call into my doc's office. Dr. Kinda Nice (there is Dr's. Nice, Kinda Nice, and Rarely Nice) called me back and suggested I head over to L&D for a NST (non-stress test). Let the absolute FREAKING out begin.

I called S's work and, of course, he's out on delivery and "forgot" the radio/phone (he does this so they don't bug him...loser). I'm crying and tell them to tell him to meet me at L&D. That'll get him moving. I called my bestest, most wonderfulest friend L to drive me over. I tell her S will meet us there.

Yeah, he totally beat us. Which isn't good, considering her was 30 minutes from the hospital and we were 10. Hmmm, can we say speed?

They immediately hooked me up to the Doppler thingy (techie terms comin' at ya) and after a few heart-stopping seconds, found Monkey's heartbeat. Nice and Strong. Few. Then came the boring 3 hours of non-stress testing. It took so long because they kept losing her on the monitor. I finally found her and kept my hand on the damn thing so I could get out of there.

All in all, I felt pretty silly. But, sometimes you need that reassurance that everything is fine. S congratulated me on making it to 30 weeks before flipping out. With Lexie I freaked about every 2 weeks, wailing and crying that I knew she was gone. Oy.

Wow, she's, like, deep and stuff

Oh Britney, Britney, Britney. What, in all that is holy, does this mean? Does this mean you aren't with child? And so you are poo-pooing on the tabloids for announcing that you are? Do you really think Us Weekly gives a crap about you, as a person. Honey, to them you are a paycheck, a means to an end. *sigh*

And why, why, why do I waste my time going to her site? I can only relate it to driving past an accident on the highway. You know if you see blood and guts that you will be sick, but you can't look away for fear of missing any of it.

It is good to know that she digs People magazine, at least.

She's got a ticket to ride

This is Kaya, Wonderpup, scared of everything (including the camera). She is my first "child" or Practice Kid as my mom called her. Don't let her size fool you, she can put the food away.

She wasn't too sure about Lexie until recently. That's when it dawned on her that Lexie=meal ticket. Oh yeah, you could almost see her little chihuahua brain working out the benefits of having the kid around. The absolute joy on her face when Lexie is placed into her highchair is almost comical. Wait, scratch that, it's pretty damn funny. She does this dance on her hind legs, front paws up in the air, while making this whine of delight that just kills me every time. The only unfortunate of this is that Lexie has learned to throw food directly at Kaya and takes a certain joy from it. Not that Lexie is hurting from lack of food or anything, have you seen her belly?

Another good point of having Kaya around is not having to vacuum as much. Lexie likes to eat cheerios off of the coffee table in the mornings. She also likes to throw them all over the living room. But, there is the trusty Kaya, following her around like Nature's own Hoover. God bless her.

Now I can wear short shorts (weather update at bottom)

So I bought some Nair and let S have his ways with my bushes...er, I mean legs. I think he enjoyed it too much, I kept having to yell, "don't rub it in. You aren't supposed to rub it in!" And, damn if the crap worked. My legs are smooth and irritation free, well the areas I can reach are anyway. Kudos to Nair for finally getting that awful Nair-smell out of their product. And for getting that burn-the-shit-out-of-Christina's-skin formula fixed. I considered myself brave for even trying Nair again after all the trauma I went through in high school with it. But the bottle promised "new and improved" and yes, they did deliver.

Of course, now that I am hair-free, the sun has gone into hiding. So much for wearing those cute shorts I just bought. *sigh* Well, I know it'll be back, I just hope the shorts still fit when it does. Wouldn't that just be my luck. I don't think I'll have a problem though, seeing how they are maternity shorts with that to-die-for paneling we all love.

Pregnancy still moving along. I now have constant heartburn and Braxton Hicks contractions all day long. I never had them (that I know of) with Lexie, so the first few freaked me out. I knew what they were, but still it felt weird. They don't hurt thank God, but annoy me still the same. Only 72 days to go...woohoo!

Holy shit! It's raining so freakin' hard I'm afraid to go outside for fear of being swept away in the downpour. I think God Himself is angry with California. The lights are flickering and I think I heard thunder. Guess I'll just pack those shorts away.