Monday, June 27, 2005

More answers from me, the expert

Thanks for all the responses on my last post. Heather and Diana raise a good point. Is it possible to love your second (or third, or fourth, or tenth) as much as you love your first? The answer is a gigantic YES!

I was very worried about this through my entire pregnancy. See, I have this dog named Kaya. She was my surrogate child. And I loved her as much as I thought you could love a real, live child. I swore when Lexie was born that my love for this furry thing would not change. Boy, was I in for a shock. Don't get my wrong, I still love my dog (except when she's leaving 'presents' for me on the carpet), but I now know you can't possibly love an animal as much as a child. Well, I'm sure there are people out there who do love animals more than people, but they're just plain nuts and don't apply to this at all.

Now, when I became pregnant with Emmie, I freaked out. I didn't think there was any love left in my heart for another child. I mean, look at how I tossed my little chihuahua to the side. Yes, the rational part of my brain was telling me that I was going to give birth to a baby, not a puppy, but who really listens to the rational part of themselves while pregnant. I think that's what they call an oxymoron.

Flash forward to Emmie's birth day. I was still very worried about how I was going to split my heart between two children. All through my labor all I could think about was Lexie. It got so bad that we had to deny Lexie visiting because whenever she was in the room I forgot to concentrate on my labor. This just served to freak me out even more. I just knew I was going to hell because I was going to be a horrible parent to Emmie and she would be scarred for life by my bitter denial (have I mentioned how much of a drama queen I am?).

Then it happened. The doctor plopped Emmie onto my chest and all my worries were forgotten. My heart swelled with love for this little slimy, screaming thing. What was so awesome about the love I was feeling for her was how it was the same love I had for Lexie, only different somehow. And what really rocked was that my feelings for Lexie were still there. I felt like the Grinch when his heart grew to three times the size. I knew then that I could have 14 kids and love each and everyone of them. My heart would always make the room.

10 comments:

Melissa said...

Awww...that's sweet!

Linda said...

That is so sweet and wonderful to hear. I worry about the same thing all of the time. Even though I am not pregnant.

Laina said...

I worry about it too! Especially since I was an only child, so I never saw how people acted with more than one. Add one more complication to this fun scenario--the fact that we're adopting our next one, and you've got a paranoid Laina on your hands! Thanks for easing my worry somewhat.

Rebecca said...

Thanks for almost making me cry! lol...I can still remember the day I brought Caitlin home from the hospital. My Emily was staying with MIL and FIL and we brought Caitlin in and Emily just looked at her and the look on her face said that she knew she had to share mommy and daddy now and I could not stop crying because I felt like I had hurt her somehow. Well, that lasted about a day and then I realized I could love one as much as the other and that despite that look, Emily did love Caitlin too, lol! Thanks for the trip down memory lane. :)

Heather B said...

Just beautiful!

Dawn said...

so true. . .as a mother we do love them all. amazing isn't it?

Toni said...

Are you going to have 14?? :)

Michelle said...

awww...damn, make a pregnant woman cry! I've been thinking about that a lot lately too. Nice to see it from your perspective!

Jennifer said...

Aaaw, what a sweet post! Thanks for reassuring those of us who only have one (so far).

Pieces of Me said...

Hey girl,
I must have missed this post! Thank you for reassuring me! There is definitely a part of me that is like hello he/she #2 will be just as much my baby as Des is! But there is always a part of me that knows how much I love Des and I just couldnt imagine loving anyone as much as I love her...but I know I will and I cant wait to post about it when I do LOL! TTYL