Sunday, September 05, 2004

The bummer post

If you'll recall, in my very first post ever I discuss motherhood and how boring it seems. Well, things have gotten more exciting in the last few months, at least for me. For my baby? Well, now I think she is bored with me.

I'm having a very hard time with this. I have recently discovered that I don't relate well to almost 6 month old babies. I have always thought that I was a kid-kind-of-a-person, but it turns out I'm a other-people's-kid-kind-of-a-person. My days start out great, I feed her then we watch Bear in the Big Blue House together, then she plays in her jumperoo until her morning nap. After that it is all down hill. I start panicking around noon. What will I do with her next. How can I keep her entertained for 7 more hours until she goes to sleep for the night. I find that I am having severe performance anxiety. And, let me tell you, I think she's on to me.

Things that kept her happy yesterday piss her off today. Toys she hated yesterday are all she wants today. I can't keep track. And, I've mentioned her rolling before, she's gotten very good at it and can roll the span of our living room in about 10 seconds flat. I seriously doubt she will ever crawl. Why should she when rolling gets her from point A to point B so nicely. It's a little frightening how fast she moves. I left her in front of out entertainment center yesterday so I could get a drink and when I returned she was half way down the hall. But, she rolls so quietly and mostly when you aren't looking, so it's a little like a horror movie where objects keep moving closer to you, yet you never see if happen. I just know she is going to be like this when she's older, sneaking up on my husband and me while we're doing something. Something naughty.

So, back to the boredom. I believe she is bored with having me here all day, every day. She's fussy when I hold her or try to play with her. She prefers to lay in her crib, or on the floor by herself. When my husband gets home, she squeals and giggles. Let me tell you, it hurts my feelings. I know that's gotta be PMS and sleep deprivation talking if my feelings are hurt by a 5 1/2 month old baby. But, I have always been sensitive. My mother says more a drama queen, but whatever.

Is motherhood supposed to be like this? I thought it would be hard yes, but also the best time of my life. Instead I feel like I'm auditioning for the roll of my life and failing miserably. Please, tell me it gets better.

3 comments:

Toni said...

It does get better. You may want to consider doing a Mommy & Me class - or something similar. You can't sit in the house all day with an infant - ANYONE and EVERYONE would go nuts. There's lots out there - try your park district.

Good luck kiddo...it'll get better!!

Soper said...

Changes her mind every six minutes? Sounds like you're dating a woman...
You know, since I am the pathetic infertile woman, I have to tell you a story about my dog, since I have no kids:
The dog does the same thing to me. All day long I am at her beck and call, and I might as well be throwing paper clips at the garbage can, I'm so boring to her. Then my husband comes home and it's all jumping and kissing and rolling on the floor.
Turns out she does this to EITHER of us. She ignores the one that's with her all day, and LOVES the one that's gone. Maybe you should go to Mother's Day out, or get a massage while Daddy stays with her. I bet you'll get a much happier reception when you come back!

Moxie said...

Hi Christina. Your post kind of cracked me up, because it reminded me of my days when El Chico was that age. Babies that age are bored and boring. You will go out of your gourd if you don't get out and make some other mom friends. You have to have at least two "playdates" a week with other moms, IME, but one every day is better (even if you just hook up with someone else to go grocery shopping together). You go over to each others' houses with the kids, who play near each other while the two (or 3 or more) of you talk. Eventually the kids will be old enough to play with each other, which is really cool to watch. And in the meantime you'll be much happier and will have a support group you can call anytime.

So. Start finding other moms. Go to storytime at the library, go to LLL meetings, sign up for Mommy & Me classes, look for mom groups at local churches. You may not like the actual classes/meetings, but that's not the point. The point is to go a few times to each one and force yourself to talk to other moms and set up outings or playdates outside of class. One thing I should have done (and will for the next kid) was go to a printer and spend $25 getting business-card sized cards printed up with my name, phone number, and email. That way it wouldn't have been awkward to say, "Uh, should we exchange phone numbers?" Instead I would just have handed the other mom my card and said, "Do you want to go get iced coffee tomorrow afternoon? Here's my card. Give me a call tonight to set it up." Sometimes I ended up doing something once or twice and the other mom and I realized we didn't have anything in common, but it was no big deal. It's kind of like dating, in that if you date enough people you'll eventually find the ones that are right for you.

Seriously, once you have other moms to hang out with in real life it will be so much easier to have fun and actually enjoy your daughter. because being stuck inside all day with a baby and no one else is a recipe for hating motherhood.

Signed,
Mom who forced herself to make lots of other mom friends and loves being a SAHM because of it
Moxie
http://moxie.blogs.com