The bummer post

If you'll recall, in my very first post ever I discuss motherhood and how boring it seems. Well, things have gotten more exciting in the last few months, at least for me. For my baby? Well, now I think she is bored with me.

I'm having a very hard time with this. I have recently discovered that I don't relate well to almost 6 month old babies. I have always thought that I was a kid-kind-of-a-person, but it turns out I'm a other-people's-kid-kind-of-a-person. My days start out great, I feed her then we watch Bear in the Big Blue House together, then she plays in her jumperoo until her morning nap. After that it is all down hill. I start panicking around noon. What will I do with her next. How can I keep her entertained for 7 more hours until she goes to sleep for the night. I find that I am having severe performance anxiety. And, let me tell you, I think she's on to me.

Things that kept her happy yesterday piss her off today. Toys she hated yesterday are all she wants today. I can't keep track. And, I've mentioned her rolling before, she's gotten very good at it and can roll the span of our living room in about 10 seconds flat. I seriously doubt she will ever crawl. Why should she when rolling gets her from point A to point B so nicely. It's a little frightening how fast she moves. I left her in front of out entertainment center yesterday so I could get a drink and when I returned she was half way down the hall. But, she rolls so quietly and mostly when you aren't looking, so it's a little like a horror movie where objects keep moving closer to you, yet you never see if happen. I just know she is going to be like this when she's older, sneaking up on my husband and me while we're doing something. Something naughty.

So, back to the boredom. I believe she is bored with having me here all day, every day. She's fussy when I hold her or try to play with her. She prefers to lay in her crib, or on the floor by herself. When my husband gets home, she squeals and giggles. Let me tell you, it hurts my feelings. I know that's gotta be PMS and sleep deprivation talking if my feelings are hurt by a 5 1/2 month old baby. But, I have always been sensitive. My mother says more a drama queen, but whatever.

Is motherhood supposed to be like this? I thought it would be hard yes, but also the best time of my life. Instead I feel like I'm auditioning for the roll of my life and failing miserably. Please, tell me it gets better.