Fun with water

Things can only get better, right?

So, S quit his job yesterday. I told him to if it meant he'd be in a better mood around here. But, (and this is a huge but) the thing is, his boss owns the house we're renting. That means he have 30 days to vacate the house and find a new job for S.

Gulp!

So, we're moving to Idaho. Yay! My mom said we can crash with her until we find work and a cheap apartment. I am totally excited. S is concerned about me, thinking I have brain damage (or drain bamage), because this is the sort of scenario I used to have nightmares about. I don't know though, this all seems so right to me. Like this is The Plan for us. I've wanted to move closer to my mom since the day Lexie was born.

I might not be posting much in the next 30 days. I have to get our whole house packed, have a garage sale this weekend, and all that other jazz. Plus, I will obviously be terminating my contract with SBC (yippee!) and who knows when we'll have our own internet service. My mom does have it, so I will be able to post from there. Don't worry, you can't get rid of me that easily!

More answers from me, the expert

Thanks for all the responses on my last post. Heather and Diana raise a good point. Is it possible to love your second (or third, or fourth, or tenth) as much as you love your first? The answer is a gigantic YES!

I was very worried about this through my entire pregnancy. See, I have this dog named Kaya. She was my surrogate child. And I loved her as much as I thought you could love a real, live child. I swore when Lexie was born that my love for this furry thing would not change. Boy, was I in for a shock. Don't get my wrong, I still love my dog (except when she's leaving 'presents' for me on the carpet), but I now know you can't possibly love an animal as much as a child. Well, I'm sure there are people out there who do love animals more than people, but they're just plain nuts and don't apply to this at all.

Now, when I became pregnant with Emmie, I freaked out. I didn't think there was any love left in my heart for another child. I mean, look at how I tossed my little chihuahua to the side. Yes, the rational part of my brain was telling me that I was going to give birth to a baby, not a puppy, but who really listens to the rational part of themselves while pregnant. I think that's what they call an oxymoron.

Flash forward to Emmie's birth day. I was still very worried about how I was going to split my heart between two children. All through my labor all I could think about was Lexie. It got so bad that we had to deny Lexie visiting because whenever she was in the room I forgot to concentrate on my labor. This just served to freak me out even more. I just knew I was going to hell because I was going to be a horrible parent to Emmie and she would be scarred for life by my bitter denial (have I mentioned how much of a drama queen I am?).

Then it happened. The doctor plopped Emmie onto my chest and all my worries were forgotten. My heart swelled with love for this little slimy, screaming thing. What was so awesome about the love I was feeling for her was how it was the same love I had for Lexie, only different somehow. And what really rocked was that my feelings for Lexie were still there. I felt like the Grinch when his heart grew to three times the size. I knew then that I could have 14 kids and love each and everyone of them. My heart would always make the room.

you've asked, so now I will tell

So, Mrs. Bean wants to know all about having two children under two. Since I've been a mother to two under two for exactly 37 days, I consider myself an expert on the subject and will proceed to tell you all about it.

I'm finding that the second child is way more easier than the first. Though, I don't think any mother to two or more doesn't know this. I'm not nearly as freaked out about every little thing and find myself enjoying this little person. The trouble with having your second so close to your first is that the enjoyment time you're having with number two is drastically cut. Just as I get comfy and cosey with Emmie, I have to put her down and chase after Lexie.

I am tired. But, it's a good kind of tired. Like how you feel after working out. It sucks at the time, but after you know you're doing something good. Yes, I just compared raising children to working out...shut up. As I said, I'm tired.

Lexie is entering the tender brat stage. Oh, the temper this girl has. I call my mom to complain about Lexie's latest tantrum and all she can say (between fits of laughter) is, "payback." I guess I was a high-strung child myself. S was too. So our genes met and created this super mutant. A mutant that can arch her back, throw herself on the ground, and wail with enough gusto to sweep the Oscars.

Emmie is a peach. How can she not be? Her only talents at this point are projectile spit-up and the occasional blow out diaper. It's the more active stage I'm dreading. And I have a feeling Lexie is just waiting to teach Emmie all there is to know about driving me mad. That's okay, there is still some of my natural haircolor left to turn grey.

you said boobs, heh heh

Have you ever noticed that once a woman has a baby, all that the woman seems capable of talking about is boobies and poop? It's "my breasts..." this and "my nipples are..." that and "the baby's poop is..." this. Quite intriguing. I think this is why people give post-partum woman so much space. They are sick of hearing about it.

I don't think a day goes by where I don't talk or think (obsess) over my 'girls.' They are getting way too much mind-time. But I can't stop. My mother told me she was going to stop calling because the first words out of my mouth are usually something like, "so my nipples are really toughening up." She doesn't seem to care.

Neither does S. He's just mad because the 'girls' are working girls now and therefore, he can look but no touch. For a boob-man like S, this is a small death. He'll be in mourning for a while.

I"ve heard about men who are "into" breastmilk. That is just sick and wrong on so many levels. I didn't quite believe it until I googled the subject. Internet, you are sick and twisted. Though, I've known that for years. Really. S is not one of those men. He is totally freaked out by breastmilk. It stems from some bad strip bar experience in Mexico...I don't know, I don't ask. I'm guessing it wasn't pretty though.

Parent of the Year

Well, just got off the phone with Poison Control. Yeah, Lexie swallowed about four 800mg Ibuprofen tablets. Fun times. Don't worry she's going to be A-okay. The worst that can (and probably will) happen is a tummy ache and vomiting plus diarrhea.

I feel like a shit head because not only did she get into the damn bottle, but I'm the one that left the bottle out with the lid not secure. And the topper?

Oh, this is good.........









wait for it.........









I caught the act on camera.

Yeah, I saw that she had crawled into her drawer in the kitchen and thought it was cute, so I grabbed the camera. I so didn't notice that she had the bottle in the drawer with her and was chomping away on a pill. Check this pic out and notice the bottle top in her hand. Aren't I a great parent?

But, this paper dress doesn't match my shoes

I had my 4 week post-partum check up today and while sitting in the waiting room I had the strangest feeling. I. Missed. Being. Pregnant. Thank God I got the prescription for birth control because who knows where my brain is at. How could I, the woman who was basically pregnant for two years possibly miss it?

So anyway, what is up with those damn paper dresses they make you wear? There I was sitting naked, wrapped in pink paper (pink!), with breastmilk dripping all over the place. Why can't they let you keep your bra on, at least until the doctor comes in? And why did they have the AC blasting? Didn't they know that I was freezing my ass off? What with being soaked with the mommy juice dripping all over the lovely paper garment, thus rendering it useless, not that it was doing such a hot job keeping me covered anyway.

I know that my doctor has seen worse come out of me than breastmilk. But, it's a little degrading sitting there trying to hold a conversation with someone when all you can think about is the liquid gold* being wasted on the linoleum floor. And I know she was having a hard time maintaining eye contact. I so would have too.

By the end of the visit, the front of my party dress was pretty much disintegrated. Oh well, so much for drinks and dancing.


*we call it liquid gold here at Casa De Austin. Why? I can't remember, but it's a funny story.

I can see clearly now (soon)

I'm going to get contacts today. My poor, poor glasses have finally given up the valiant fight after months of battle with a toddler.

It all started in Hawaii. While lounging in a comfy hammock, my glasses were assaulted by ten month old grubby hands. They didn't fair well. In fact, the nose piece and eye piece were separated briefly in combat. Fortunately, my sister is handy with super glue and they were reunited. Unfortunately, the super glue trick was a trade I had to learn since the war waged on after vacation and away from my gluestick wielding sister. I'm not as handy as she is, as evidenced below:



Yes, dear internet, I have been walking around with a glob of super glue in front of my right eye for months now. Months! Talk about trashy, white trash. I have no excuse. But see, I hate to spend money on myself. If it were one of my kids, or my hubs, or even my freakin' dog that needed new glasses or contacts, I would put myself into debt. But for myself, nothing. How else can I play the martyr?

S finally got sick of hearing me bitch (well that and the super glue ran out). He has ordered me to march myself to the doctor, get my prescription, and order some lovely contacts. It's been about six years since I've owned a pair of contacts. Let's hope I remember how to stick my fingers in my eyes.

Fathers and Mothers

So, today is Father's Day. And I did what I do every Father's day: I call my mother and tell her "happy father's day, mom."

Yeah, you read that right. My dad hasn't gotten a "happy father's day" out of me since I was about six. That was the year he left my mother, two sisters and me because he never wanted kids in the first place. He missed being single. Yes, you can call him an asshat. I have, and still do on occasion.

My mother raised us girls being both roles, which isn't so unheard of in this day and age. Divorce is a common thing, though I don't think it should be, but really does anyone? Anyway, I think she did a rockin' job. My step-dad helped her through the terrible teen years, marrying her just in time for my thirteenth birthday. God bless him.

My father's role in my life was minimal. He would see us maybe two weeks out of the year, during which time he would throw cash and presents at us as a way to compensate for his guilt. At least, that's what I like to think. Today we have a somewhat easy-going relationship with each other. I call him if the car breaks down and S doesn't have time (or we don't have the money) to fix it. He's the one to call when you need the dough. Unfortunate, but I don't think he sees it that way. Money to him is all-important. But, that's a whole different post.

He's really trying to be a good grandpa. Which freaks me out. It's like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop and for him to up and leave, saying he never wanted grandkids anyway. I doubt that will happen, but the little bitch in my head says otherwise. Isn't family fun?

So, Happy Father's day, mom. Thank you for all you've done for me.

Why I'm going to suck at helping with homework

me: ok, the web address is http, um colon, um backslash-backslash...

S: that's forwardslash.

me: no, it's not.

S: yes, it is. walks over to computer to point out how the slashes are slanting forward.

me: WHATEVER! I can call them whatever I want. Same difference.

S: ...

me: what?

S: calling them whatever you want makes you sound retarded.

me: oh yeah? Well, you are retarded.

S: ...

me: so there.

Stuff portrait friday

Okay, first we have the "what was I thinking" photo. This one is kinda boring. This couch once belonged to my great-grandfather. It used to be pink (think early fifties pink). My mother re-upholstered it to the lovely shade of green it is now (think early seventies green). My father hated to part with this precious gem and asked me if I would take it. You know, to keep it in the family. My only defense is that I was eight months pregnant and it was early in the morning when he asked...


The next photo is of the "something I feel obligated to display" category. There are so many items to chose from in my house. Most of them are my deceased mother-in-laws, so I guess those don't really count as my crosses to bear. Here is a picture of the drawing my little sister drew me about four years ago. She told me I had to hang it somewhere everyone would see and I did. It's in my kitchen. I guess I could take it down since she's 13 now and doesn't care if I have it up or not. Oh, and she lives in Idaho, so it's not like she would know if I had it up or not either...


Finally, "something I have that I'm pretty sure no one else has." This poster (in a frame! So high-class!) came from my husband. He found it in an abandoned apartment back when he managed apartments, way before he met me. It's kinda trippy and he's pretty sure the original owners were heavily into the drugs. Staring long enough at it, you can totally see what he means...

This is entertaining

So, I intalled a stat counter because I'm cool, just like all of you. Well, that and I was super curious to see how some found my blog through searches.

It seems to most popular is I hate my mother-in-law or some other form of that exact sentiment. But, did you know someone stumbled upon me by searching for tingling sensation in the nipple or, my personal favorite, kill piss ant.

I'm so having fun with this.

**oh yeah. Thanks for liking my blogs new clothes. I found the template at Miz Graphics and then changed it up a bit. I'll try to stick with this one for a while, though it's totally addicting.

No news is good news...right?

She hasn't returned my email or even called. This doesn't really surprise me since she is Mrs. Passive-Aggressive 2005. But, I'm itching for battle and the ball is in her court. If I strike again, I'll just look mean and evil.*

I'm sure she's telling anyone who will listen though what she thinks about me now. That's fine, bacause those people will tell me. It's a vicious circle, reminiscent of junior high. Remember those days? Yeah, I thought I was past them too.

The kids are doing well. We bought Lexie a new swimsuit for the summer, and I must say it's quite adorable.


Emmie is growing like a weed.


I'm really enjoying the infant stage this time around. With Lexie I was a giant stress ball, always worrying about if she was eating enough, peeing and pooping enough, sleeping enough, etc, etc. That is something good about having them so close together, you haven't forgotten everything you went through with the first. It's all still fresh in your mind. Linda said it best: you're still in baby-mode. That makes is a little more tolerable. Well, that and the fact that my kids are the cutest damn things ever reproduced.

*at least that's how the rules are in this crazy family I married into.

What is totally warping my mind

is the fact that someone under three feet tall can manage to lose not one, but three remotes. All to three different televisions.

I'm totally blaming S for this one. I know I would never let Lexie play with the remotes. Now the phone, well that's another subject all together.

This means war

Okay, more mother-in-law drama in...

5

4

3

2

1

Omgod, I cannot, no really cannot, stand this shedevil any longer. She has pulled the last straw. I guess she's now angry with me and talking smack about me to anyone who will listen because I a) haven't returned her phone call (because like, duh, I just had a baby) and b) I haven't called her for help. And she knows I need help because, and I quote, "no one can raise two kids that young by themselves."

What. The. Fuck.

She has also turned my father-in-law against my husband, his son. Oh yeah. He is now telling anyone who will listen (and thankfully, they do and report to me) that S is smoking pot (not true) and skipping out on work (true, but because he threw his back out and is staying home under doctor's orders). I don't get this family. Not at all. They are all crazy. Seriously.

I have really opened a can of worms though because I, gasp, confronted MIL in an angry, yet eloquently written email. That's pretty much declaring war in her book. Well, bring it on beeatch. I am so ready.

A little about me

I wasn't tagged but this looked like fun...

10 years ago, I....
1. was a finishing up my junior year in high school
2. worked as a manager at the local McDonald's
3. dreamed of running away from my small town

5 years ago, I....
1. had just started dating my husband.
2. worked as a receptionist at a veterinary hospital
3. dreamed of running back to my small town

Today I ....
1. took a shower
2. tried to fix our printer
3. scrubbed one toilet (one down, one to go)

Tomorrow, I will....
1. be on my own with both kids (my mom leaves tonight...sniff, sniff)
2. think about cleaning the house
3. probably watch a lot of bad TV

3 Snacks I Enjoy:
1. anything chocolate
2. nachos
3. cheese and crackers

5 Songs I know all the words to, even with out the Music:
1. Ice, Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice
2. The Humpty Dance by (is it?) Digital Underground
3. Baby's Got Back by Sir Mix Alot
4. Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen
5. any song by the Beatles

Things I would do with $100,000,000:
1. buy a house
2. buy another car
3. pay off all debts

5 Locations I'd run away to:
1. Hawaii
2. Ireland
3. Australia
4. Fuji
5. Idaho (only because my mom is there)

5 Bad habits I have:
1. I swear like a sailor
2. I procrastinate
3. I worry way too much
4. I bite my nails
5. I burp...and don't say excuse me

5 Things I like Doing:
1. sleeping
2. reading
3. hanging with my kids
4. camping (as long as there is a real bathroom nearby)
5. riding amusement park rides

5 Things I would Never Wear:
1. capri pants (my legs are too short)
2. two piece bathing suit
3. halter top
4. hot pants
5. moomoo

TV Shows I like:
1. Lost
2. Survivor
3. Amazing Race
4. The 4400

Movies I like:
1. Ocean's Eleven
2. Stand By Me
3. Gone With the Wind

5 famous people I would like to meet:
1. Jesus
2. John Lennon
3. Johnny Depp
4. Angelina Jolie
5. President Bush

5 Biggest Joys at the Moment:
1. Lexie
2. Emmie
3. the fact that they are both napping right now
4. my mom did my dishes
5. and she did my laundry

okay, I'm tagging Linda...YOU"RE IT.

Stuff Portrait Friday

This one's a fun one...


Something you have that you want more of :


Something you have that you want less of:




Something you have that you are completely satisfied with as is:

The Next Generation

I don't know what I find funnier in this picture: the totally uncomfortable smile on my grandpa's face or the attempt to placate Lexie by dangling keys above her head. Fun times at my grandparents house!

My grandparents aren't what you would call kid people. I think they were once upon a time, considering they had two girls, but it's been a while and they are rusty from lack of practice.

Enter Lexie.

Lexie is at that tender age of destruction all toddlers hit about this time. You know the age I'm talking about. If there is something breakable within reach, she will reach it and most likely break it. Seems the grandparents forgot this little detail about kids when they invited us over. It was amusing though watching them squirm and shoot the look to each other whenever they thought no one was watching. You know the look. It says, yeah she's cute but she's got her grubby hands all over our stuff and I hope those grubby handprints will come off with minimal scrubbing. Good times.

It thrills me to no end though that both sets of my grandparents are alive. It's a heartwarming sight seeing them hold my child, knowing that not all that long ago (try 27 years...no, not long ago at all) they were holding me and commenting on how small my ears were.

Stuff Protrait Friday

Got this idea from Linda (thanks)...so, here are some random pics from mi casa.

This is our "we're to cheap to buy a real computer desk" computer desk:


Here are a couple of pics of Lexie's room (which is still a work in progress):




And here are a couple of pics of Emmie's room (used to be Lexie's room and also a work in progress):




And, finally, a random shot of what our morning is like. Notice the look of concentration on Lexie's face:

Got this idea from Linda...so play along.

Copy the questions to your blog and fill them out.


1. Blogger that you most want to meet in person? The list is long and wonderful (pretty much every blog I read, I want to meet the person), but I would love to meet Linda. she's like my online bestest friend. And you know girl I will be knocking on your front door if I'm ever in your neck of the woods.

2. Blogger who makes you laugh the most? Dooce and The Sarcastic Journalist both have the ability to make me laugh long and loud.

3. Blogger whose template(skin) is the coolest? Taylor's new blog is awesome. I love the watermelons!

4. Blogger you can't wait to read a new entry from? Dooce is probably at the top of my list. But, I love when everyone has a new entry. So...blog on, blog on.


edite to add: I don't know why when I hyperlink it crosses it out. I'm sure it's a HTML code thingy, so I guess we have to deal with it.

So many blogs, so little time

I've added some wonderful ladies to my blogroll. Check them out. There is Leah, Taylor, Dawn, Melissa, and a few others*. All of them are worth the visit.

It now takes me about an hour and a half to read through my favorites in the mornings. Thank God for Lexie's 2 hour nap. I don't know what I'm going to do when Emmie is mobile and Lexie is no longer napping.



*if you want your blog removed from my blogroll, drop me an email. If you want to be added, I can do that too!