Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Lord, help me

I had to almost physically restain myself from purchasing more HPT's at the grocery store today. Picture me wrestling myself in the feminine needs aisleIt's like the 4 I've taken aren't real, that they were all bad, and I have this almost uncontrollable urge to continue testing until my first OB exam. Which is in a month. Damn, I hate waiting.

All of the "what if's" are playing out in my head. Though, I must admit I am a lot calmer this time around. Maybe because I keep chanting there is nothing I can do to stop something bad that might happen. If it happens, it happens. We all know what 'it' is.

I'm sick of being so pessimistic. Yet, somehow I thrive on it at the same time. It' sthe drama queen in me. Negative attention is better than no attention, I always say.

Really, though. I need to stop. I'm going to go crazy and that won't work for anybody. No one wants a crazy mom or wife. Right?

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