Saturday, October 02, 2004

Confessional

Okay dear readers, I'm about to share a deep dark secret. I have only one bra. No, wait. I have a second, but it has been deemed "the backup." Oh, it feels so good to get that off my chest, pardon the pun.

I have what one might call gigantic breasts. Huge. Enormous. Oh. My. God. "How does she carry them" breasts. Men think they are a gift, I think they are a curse. I pray for a day where my husband can feel the weight and pain of carrying these bad boys around. Then let's hear him rant about them. Ha.

So, I have this one bra. It cost me $40, which is pretty cheap considering how much material went into making the damn thing. It almost totally supports me and my boobs don't look like misshappened overinflated basketballs in it. You'd be surprised at how common a problem that is. Anyway. It's blue, with wide straps and 4 clamps in back. I learned long ago to kiss 1 and 2 clamped bras goodbye. My backup looks exactly like it, only it's missing the underwires. It's my laundry day backup bra.

I'm over at a friends house and she's folding her laundry. About 10 minutes go by and I notice she has pulled out about 7 bras. Cute bras. 1 clamp bras. Bras that probably cost her $10 at most. In that instant, I hate her. I hate her perky bosom, I hate her pretty braziers , and I hate my boobs a little more.

My step-(monster) mother just sent me some pictures from the trip to Hell. In them, I am sitting Indian-style on the floor, my precious sitting up so pretty in front of me, and all you can focus on is my humongous tatas. Whoa. Something's gotta give, and I think it's gonna be my back. Again. And I think to myself, while staring in horror at the image on my computer screen, my one "good" bra is not doing such a great job at doing what it's supposed to.

It's time to retire her and get a new one "good" bra. Bleh.

4 comments:

Toni said...

If there was some way for you to give me some of yours, I would be SOOO happy. But since it isn't possible - and I'm not sure what insurance company would ever think that was a good idea...you should seriously look into getting them reduced. My sister in law did and said it was the BEST thing she ever did for herself. In fact, her insurance company paid for it b/c of the pain it was causing her.

Look into it babe...how are you going to carry around two babies with those things?? :)

Ontario Emperor said...

Have your breasts returned to their pre-pregnancy size?

MommyShel2Qnx said...

Do some women's breasts really do that? Go back to a pre pregnancy size I mean. Mine just keep growing like I've hit puberty REALLY late or something!

Christina said...

Unfortunately, yes they are back to pre-pregnancy. I shudder to think of how big they would be if I was breastfeeding. Agh!