All my bags are packed...

Well, the internet gets shut off tomorrow morning. So, this is a goodbye-for-now post.

I hope to be back up and posting by Wednesday night. Well, maybe Thursday. I will need some rest after the grueling 20 hour drive. With two kids. Alone in the car with me. AGH!

Wish me luck!

t-minus 3 days and counting

AGH! Why is it that I have been packing for almost a month and I'm still nowhere near being done? And why does S keep scheduling 'fun' things for us to do in the last week we're here? He wants us all to go waterskiing tomorrow. Which really means, he skis while I chase after Lexie and Emmie. Fun for all!

So, I've been thinking (uh oh). I feel I'm pretty open here on this blog, and I'm pretty open in real life too. Is this a bad thing? S seems to think so, he says I give people way too much ammo to use against me later. I say it keeps me honest and let's me know who really likes me.

I bring this up because on a message board I belong to (you know who you are), I was sharing some of my recent past history involving arrests and drugs. S was reading over my shoulder and couldn't believe I was putting that all out on the internet! For everyone to read! I could hear the exclamation points in his voice! I figure, what better place to share the real you, the real things you have done than the internet. The internet is still relatively anonymous, and it's not like I'm telling things I wouldn't tell a real living human (you know, as opposed to the real dead humans).

These things I have lived through have shaped me into the person I am today. Some might say that is a good thing, since I'm so damn wonderful. Others might think the exact opposite. And to them I have two little words, and they aren't "I'm sorry."

So, how do you feel about sharing personal info on the web? I'm not talking bank info and social security numbers (God, I hope none of you share that stuff. But if you do, email me). I'm talking about embarrassing things, illegal things, stuff like that. I live in a world where I interact with people more online than anywhere else. Am I sharing too much? Not enough? Do you want me to just shut up already?

bad girl

okay blogging world, I know I've been a bad blogger lately. I'm sorry to all of you wonderful blogs that I read everyday, yet have failed to comment on in weeks. I try, but sometimes all I have time for is a quick read then it's back to packing. Packing and chasing Lexie around yelling, "no, Lexie. NO, Lexie. NO, LEXIE!"

It will only get worse here before it gets better. Looks like we'll be at mom's for at least 2-3 weeks and yes she has internet, but it's dial-up (AGH, NOOOOOO). After that we may not get internet service for a while to save some money, but I know the library there has free internet usage for poor folk like me. I will try to keep up on posting, but commenting I can't promise.

So, know that I am still out here stalking you...er, I mean reading. Just reading. No, I am not stalking you. Well, okay maybe a little. But, it's just because you are so much cooler than I am.

it's my bloggiversary

one year ago today, I posted the first post that got I woke Up For This... rolling. Will someone tell the 2004 model of Christina that the new (but not necessarily improved) 2005 model says hope you enjoyed that oh-so-boring motherhood while it lasted.

It's been a long and bumpy ride to today. A lot has happened and a lot has changed. Well, except for me being weird. That's a quality I'm never parting with, baby!

Here's to another year of blogging history.

*and yes, I do still sing "why is your butt so stinky?"

crazy

Well, we only have about a week left of living in good ol' California. God, I will so not miss this place.

I'm running around like a mad woman trying to get everything packed, organized and whatnot. All the stuff we didn't sell at the garage sale has to be sorted through for what can be donated and what can be tossed. S and I are fighting over the refrigerator. He wants to sell it (to who???) and I want to keep it. I mean, it's not like we're moving in with my parents up there, we're just crashing there until we find a (preferably) house to rent. My dryer crapped out so that takes care of one big item. We're leaving the washer too because it's one hundred years old and I have the sneaking suspicion that it's not cleaning my clothes the way it should.

I'm getting so excited. I feel like this is a chance for S and I to start fresh. California is a great place to live if you have a load of money. Or if you don't mind never being ahead. Think about this. Minimum wage here is $7.15, I know seems like a lot, right? Well, a single family home, built about sixty years ago in the town I'm living in now (which isn't a very nice town) has an asking price of $500,000.00. Yeah. Rent on a one bedroom apartment starts at about $900.00 a month. Now, tell me how anyone without a "career" can make it here. They can't, so says the lines at the welfare office.

I know it's going to be rough for us in the beginning. But, S loves to work hard and is also planning on finishing his schooling for his electricians license (something he couldn't afford to do here once Lexie was born), and I will have the help of my sisters and mother so if I wanted to work I could. Which I will probably do in a few months, just something part-time to help get our savings back.

Well, now you know a little more about my plans. Sorry for the yawn posts lately, but my mind is in a million different modes right now. So, consider yourselves lucky that I'm posting at all.

do you see what toddlers do to you?

Have I told you of my long-term childhaving plan? Do you want to know? Well, too bad 'cause it's part of what I want to tell you.

Our plan is to have Lexie and Emmie, then wait three years and try again. That is if my woman parts cooperate as nicely as they did with the conceiving of Emmie. Before Lexie was born, our plan was just to have one because we thought even one was a long shot. Then Emmie came to us so quickly and we started having wonderful fantasies about gaggles of children (and with gaggles? I mean four).

But then, Lexie became a toddler. A terrible toddler. You know what I'm talking about. The constant screaming, the biting, the hitting, the hair pulling...the list goes on and on. Did you know she bit her little baby sister last night? Bit her. On the toe. Yeah. So, while Emmie's screaming because well, her toe hurt and Lexie's screaming because who knows why, S turns to me and says, "that's it! We're so done having kids." You guys, my uterus died a little right then and there.

I can see where he's coming from....wait, no I can't. He thinks having two little ones is hard? Really. Who is home with them all...day...long? Who changes the 20 diapers a day? Who is up to her ears in laundry and dishes? Me, the mommy, that's who. And do I think I'm done? Hell no. I know it's hard now, but I also know it will get (somewhat) easier later. So, as lovingly as I could, I turned to S and told him to, "we'll be done having kids when I say we're done having kids!" Think he got my point?

I'm on empty

I've got nothing. My blog-well has run dry. Too many times I have run to the computer, with a half-formed post entry rambling about in my head, only to draw a complete blank once my fingers hit the keyboard. So, I'll just give you some highlights from my weekend.

Saturday we held a garage sale and made a whopping $30.00. Which was actually $30.00 more than I thought we would make. We also found a home for my guinea pig, Pippin. I was a little sad about that until I remembered what a pain in the ass is was to clean his cage and how expensive that bedding was (because I am a neurotic freak who had to use the ultra-absorbent, naturally processed, made-from-recycled-newpaper bedding). I also found a new home for my fish. Don't worry Kaya (the wonder-chihuahua) is staying with us.

****okay, I just had like two paragraphs about what I did yesterday and Lexie hit some button and made it all go away. Argh! To recap: I watched a sucky-ass movie and that was about it. Hmm, now that I think about it, Lex might have done me a favor. I mean really, two paragraphs about nothing?****

I'm tipsy and feeling long-winded

My good friend from high school, Jen (one 'n' and don't forget it), came over tonight and got me tipsy on some kind of alcohol concoction. And now I'm blogging. Fun times.

Is it bad that the first sip relaxed me in a way I haven't felt in a while? Jen and I analyzed this to death about an hour ago, trying to decide if that made me an alcoholic. I don't think so, I think it just means I've been wound tighter than a...than a...than something wound tight (whoa, my brain is really functioning on high right now, not). I worry about these things though because a) I'm a worrier and b) I'm a recovering addict.

Did you know that about me internet? Yes, I Christina, used to have a problem with substance aduse. But that's all for another post on another day. Anyway, the 12-step program I worked through beat it into my head that alcohol is a drug. I just don't see that. I mean, if I was chugging 6-packs every few hours, or if my every waking thought revolved around my next drink, than yes I could say it was a problem for me. But I'm not and I don't, so let's leave it at that.

Anywho, my reason for sitting down to blog has escaped me and now I think I'm rambling. I think I'll turn in for the night. S has agreed to Emmie duty since I had a major tear-filled breakdown this afternoon due to my lack of sleep. God bless my husband. Oh, and God bless my Avent Isis pump. I don't know where I'd be without either of you.

Oh, and Heather! thanks so much for getting me hooked on this damn website. I sat reading those postcards forever today, and now my eyes are crossing. That will teach me to go through someone's blog links.

great news

Get over to Linda's blog and congratulate her on her wonderful news.

I am so excited for you Linda. Congratulations my dear internet friend!

well sure, I forgive you (but I'll hate you forever)

I have a little problem with letting things go. Especially grudges. I love to secretly hate people. Well, S would say it's not really a secret when I bitch about them all the time, but what does he know? Certainly not the fact that I'm still mad at him for that thing he did in June of 2000.

How bad is my grudge-holding, you ask? Well, how's this for sick. I am still mad at my old friend Susan because she became a major twat over my hanging out with her best buddy Keith. Mind you, both Keith and Susan are dead now. Unfortunately, Keith killed himself in 2002, which I'm still angry over (with good reason) and Susan died in a car accident in 2003 (time to let that one go). I will find myself getting all worked up over something she said and then sheepishly remember that she's gone. I did have the chance to talk some of our problems out with her about a month prior to her passing, but the Keith issue was never touched. In some ways I'm sad about that, but in other's...well, I secretly enjoy holding onto that anger. It's a sickness I tell you.

What sucks about me being a major grudge-holder is that I am also cursed with a wickedly good memory. I can remember conversations verbatim from years ago. So, I can totally be (secretly) harboring ill-will for you over something you don't even remember saying. It's like I have a catalog in my brain for each person I meet. It comes in handy when having an actual argument with someone, because I can whip out facts and nonsense to make their head spin. Wait, I'm starting to see why I don't have any friends. I kid, I kid (I hope, I hope).

The reason for this post is this: I'm moving a few states away in a few weeks and I find myself trying to sabotage the few friendships I have here. Namely, my one good friend in particular. I find myself spending my time with her now remembering all the things she has said that have pissed me off. It's like it would be easier to leave on bad terms, than to make the promises of coming to visit and weekly phone calls. And I find myself looking back and seeing that this is the normal pattern for me. I've made clean breaks from my closest friends whenever I moved in the past. And when I look back on those friendships all I remember are the grudges I hold and a few fond memories, but not as many as one would expect.

Is this really healthy? No. Is it easier than fessing up to the pain of missing someone and admitting that your life is a little less full without them? Hell yes. So, see I am a little crazy. I am a little nutty. But, don't try to tell me because I'll just end up hating you later.

*I'm disabling comments on this one as it was more of a therapy session and I don't want any assvice. Not that most of you would dispense of said assvice, but you know...just in case.

mice, rats, and spiders...oh my!

Our house is under attack by little creatures that like to come out at night. I knew we had mice, we've been battling them for a while now. But, imagine my surprise when the other night a rat ran down our hallway. Into my bedroom. My bedroom folks, where I sleep at night. Where I am naked at least once a day. I feel dirty just thinking about it.

The battle is raging. I tried sticky traps only to find the traps in new locations with some fur on them. I have to laugh because I can so picture some dumb rat running around with a trap stuck to it's head. How it's getting loose is beyond me. I'd rather not think about it. I've now resorted to poison. I've hidden it in strategic points around the house (don't worry, little fingers can't find it). So far I've had two kills. Victory will be mine.

Another creature making itself comfy in our backyard is the black widow. I'm totally fascinated with these beautiful spiders as you can see by the pictures I took here and here*. Yes, I actually got down on my hands and knees to take those. I'm weird, but that was established long ago. These beauties are residing under a patio chair. Needless to say, it's theirs now, none of us will be sitting there anytime soon. In fact, the chair is staying here when we move.

This is making it all so much easier to move. I mean really, who wants to stay in a house with rodents and spiders? Let's just hope they don't find us in Idaho too.


*if you're wondering...yes, I took pictures of one of the mice too. He was trapped behind our stove. Sadly, S deleted those pictures. He deleted them all the while mumbling about how his poor wife had gone insane. I say how can one go insane when they already were...heehee!

boxes...I don't need no stinkin' boxes

I hate packing. It sucks. A lot.

The end of July is rapidly approaching and I'm starting to stress about the move to Idaho. We still have no place, but I'm working on that. My mother is acting as our apartment scout. She actually goes out every day and looks at potential places for us. She rocks! I think what's really motivating her is the not wanting us living with her. I don't blame her at all, I don't want to live with her either. Did that for 18 years, don't need to do it anymore. We get along great now and I think that is mostly because we aren't living under the same roof. Well, that and the fact that I finally pulled my head out of my ass.

I didn't realize how hard it would be trying to pack with a toddler running around. I don't know why I didn't realize this, I mean everything else is hard with a toddler, so why would packing be any different. I just have to pack while she's sleeping. See, I'm becoming a smarter parent every day.

Well, I apologize for this post not really going anywhere. My mind is whirling and I can't seem to grab any of the thoughts tumbling around in all that empty space. Plus, our house smells like poo. Seems that the poo-bomb swim diaper of Lexie's got forgotten about in the sideyard waste can. Add in some California summer heat and viola...poo smelling house.

the list

totally stole this from Dawn (thanks!).

• Johnny Depp. Yes, he is probably at the top of everyone's list, but I don't care. Look at how yummy he is:

• Dave Navarro. Oh, I have loved him since he was in Jane's Addiction the first time. Yummy. Carmen Electra is one lucky bitch:

• Brad Pitt. He's my "pretty boy" pick. I don't think I could ever really go through with this one though, I mean really, how can I sleep with someone prettier than me?

• Adrien Brody. He is one of my two "geek" picks. I think tall, lanky, nerdy types are hot!

• Jeff Goldblum. My second "geek" pick. Yum:

so, I want to know...who's on your list?

and now for a little about me

Thanks to Heather for agreeing to "interview" me...

The Official Interview Game Rules
1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different.
3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions...


1. Early when Lexie was born, you switched from BF to FF b/c of back problems. Did anyone give you slack or judge you for this decision? If yes, what did you reply?
Well, the only person to give me hell about it was the La Leche Nazi, er...lactation specialist, I talked with. She actually told me that I would be a bad mom if I gave Lexie formula. At the time I thought breastfeeding was just hard because of my back and large breast size, so I didn't really defend myself to her. I actually thought she was right in a way. I dealt with a lot of guilt of the decision to formula feed Lexie. Now, having Emmie, who can breastfeed like a champ, I know that it was problems on both my and Lexie's end. Her latch wasn't correct due to being a few weeks early, which no one told me until Emmie was born (Emmie had the same problem, she was also early).

2. You are now a mother of 2 beautiful girls, a newborn and a toddler. What is the most challenging aspect of mothering 2, what is easier than you thought it'd be?
The most challenging aspect is prioritize what needs to be done that day. The first few weeks (and still today) I would try to do everything. I now know it's okay to skip a bath, let the dishes pile up, and if one kid's crying it will be okay. I have to remind myself I am only human and there is only one of me.
The part that's easy that I wasn't expecting was how calm I am with Emmie. With Lexie, I would freak if she whimpered. I also realize now that babies aren't as fragile as they look. I don't act like Emmie is glass and that makes mothering her a lot easier.

3. Lexie is pretty young to be able to grasp the concept of having a baby in the house. How does she cope, interact, and react to Emmie time with mommy?
It took her a while, I think, to understand that Emmie was a permanent part of the family. She had been around babies before, but never for more than a few hours. Now, she's so cute with Emmie. She loves to uncover her then re-cover her with the blankets. She also likes to steal Emmie's binkie. She calls her baby, put pronounces it "baa-bee." She doesn't like when I nurse Emmie and tries to climb all over me. So, I have to nurse Em on our bed (it's too high for Lex to climb onto). She hated that at first, but now realizes that she gets to play in mommy's room for a while...bonus!

4. How is the MIL drama going? Did she ever reply to your email?
I am so over her. No, she never responded and I am pretty happy about that. S called his dad to tell him we are moving and she hasn't even called to chat about it or invite us over for a last dinner together. They also ignored S on his birthday, which wasn't cool, but totally expected. It makes moving from S's dad that much easier.

5. I LOVE movies. Sometimes, I feel a movie relates to me in so many ways. What movie/character would you relate most to yourself?
My all -time favorite movie is Gone With the Wind, I fell in love with it while in junior high. Growing up, I always related to Scarlett. I felt she was so like me. Selfish, headstrong, exactly what I wanted to be. Now that I'm older (and a wee-bit wiser), I relate more to Melanie. She is kind, loving, always there for the ones she loves. I strive to be like her in many ways. But, it's still fun to be a total bitch like Scarlett every now and then.

Here are the rules again if you want to be interviewed!
1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different.
3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

hey, I'm busy

Hope everyone had a great fourth. I know I did. I folded laundry, then laid in bed, listening to the neighbors set off M-80's until 2 am. Fun! I think next year will be the year we actually get off our asses and watch real life fireworks. Lexie should be old enough then to only scream occasionally for fear of being under attack. Fireworks are fun.

We did have a nice afternoon. We went to Todos Santos Park, where they usually have a kick-ass farmer's market. Yesterday, they had several bands playing and Lexie loved grooving to the music. As usual, we got many compliments on how adorable she was. And, of course, once they saw Emmie, we also got the "wow, you have your hands full." comments. God, I hate those. Like I didn't know having two under two was so time-consuming until the very moment a complete stranger points it out. Same goes with the, "you're certainly busy." Am I? Am I really? Because I so didn't know. Hmm, is that why I'm so damn tired (and crabby, can you tell)?

All in all, it was a good holiday. I got to spend time with my family, so that's always nice. I'll close with some pictures from our day.

nonsensical thoughts and ramblings

• Yesterday was S's birthday. He is now 33 years old. Good Lord, I'm married to a mid-thirties man. I'm almost thirty! When did I get this old. I remember thinking 25 was almost dead (granted I was like 15 when I thought this). I don't feel old.
• S and I went to a movie yesterday. Because it was his birthday, he got to choose. He chose War of the Worlds. I hate Tom Cruise (which, I mean, really who doesn't?). The movie was freakin' awesome though. Steven Spielberg can make special affects so pretty. And who doesn't love Dakota Fanning. It's nice to see that she isn't going through that awful awkward stage most child actors go through at her age.
• I have to beg off some money from my dad tonight. It looks like the truck rental company is going to rape us of $900 (that's a dollar a mile, folks) and we are poor. My dad is rich, so there you go.
• Looks like I'll have DSL until the day before we move! This, I am happy about. Damn SBC trying to rape me of the $200 charge of "breaking my contract" I am very not happy about. Seems they have forgotten that the fee doesn't apply if the customer moves to an area not offering SBC. So, I will win this one.
• Our cable will be shut off almost a week before we go. This is going to suck since Lexie is addicted to Disney in the mornings. Luckily, I have a few Wiggle's DVD's for her to get her fix every morning.
• S turned the dryer off last night mid-cycle and now the clothes that were in there smell funny. Thanks butthead.
• I took Emmie to the doctor yesterday. Nothing big, she still looks a little yellow and I wanted to make sure that was okay. She's perfect (ha, the doctor said so!) and weighs a whopping 10lbs 12oz. So, she's gained almost 4lbs in 5 weeks. Guess this means breastfeeding is working after all.
• Lexie is great too. She pooped in her pool last night and I didn't notice until she had drank half the water. Can you say EW! Yeah, I did along with a few other things. Called the doctor and she said not to worry, that she doubted Lex drank half the pool water. Hmm, it's like she knows I have a flare for the dramatic. I'm going to miss this doctor so much. Damn.
• Well, my head is empty now. Off I go to clean house.