Sunday, July 23, 2006

Confession

Tomorrow I start my new job, and can I tell you how excited I am? Because I am; very much so.

I've been a stay at home mother (SAHM) and housewife for three long years. And here comes the confession....I fucking hate it. I love my husband and I love my kids, but all day, every day? No, not so much.

Living here in hick town I've noticed a cult-like mentality regarding staying home with the kids. Every woman I meet does it. I have yet to meet a working mom and I'm feeling a little like a fish out of water. Hell, at my job interview the manager seemed surprised to have me there once she learned I had kids. What is up with that?

In these past three years I've learned a lot about myself. I hate housework, I hate kids TV, and I hate being the sole person-in-charge of my kids daily activities. I love playing with the girls, but stretching that into 12 hour days is killing me. I'm lazy by nature and would love nothing more to lounge around all day reading a trashy novel. But, that doesn't go over very well when you have two monkeys trying to climb out the living room windows. It's crazy.

I love my kids, don't get that wrong. There isn't anything I would NOT do for them. I love teaching them new things and watching their faces when they see something for the first time. I have loved being the one to witness their first words, their first steps, cutting that first tooth. But, mommy needs a break. Preferably a paid break where I sit in an airconditioned room for 8 hours talking with real live grown ups.

Tomorrow I embark on that break. I'm nervous, excited and wondering if I should feel guilty about not feeling sad that I'll be leaving my darling little ones with their auntie.

5 comments:

Laina said...

I don't feel guilty. My grandma is so much more patient with Sam than I am, and I know it. He's better off with her all day. I'm a much better mom when I spend a couple of hours on each end of the day with him, because then I make those hours really count.

Linda said...

I am happy for you that you are excited to go to work. I would love nothing more than to be a SAHM, but I am firm believer that the grass is always greener. I think it is awesome that you got to spend that time with them for 3 years and now you get to embark on a journey for yourself.

Good luck to you and enjoy that damn cubicle of yours...I am definitely jealous of that!!

Dottie said...

Congratulations on your new job, I hope that you enjoyed your first days. I think as Mom's we are damned if we do and damned if we don't as far as SAHM/WAHM. I definately have days where I long for the career that I used to have, just to have an identity outside of MOM. KWIM?! Enjoy!

Aubrey White said...

Hi, Christina!
I just wanted to let you know that I really enjoy reading your blogs on motherhood and life! You really have a way for words but I've known that since high school when we took poetry together! Thanks for the laugh... I can totally relate to the ups and downs of being a mommy and wife!

Linda said...

So, how'd your first week of work go???