Monday, February 13, 2006

criminal

pssst.

over here.

I said PSSST, internet. Wanna know a secret?

I'm a wanted woman. Really!

And by wanted, I mean by the county courts of Kent, Washington. Seems this little blogger has a warrant out for her arrest. Yes, I will hang my head in shame now.

Seems back in the day when I was partying like a rock star I got caught shoplifting. How I could forget something like that? I don't know. But, it's true. My bestest rock star-like buddy and I got caught stealing bathing suits and sun glasses. From Sears, of all places. I was 19.

Looking back, I can now remember some of the hazy details. It was summer, unbelievably hot out and we wanted to go swimming. But alas, all the drugs we had been doing had caused us to lose too much weight. Our old suits just didn't fit. What's a drugged up hippy to do? Why pick up something new, using the old five-fingered-discount, that's what. Stupid. So stupid.

See kids, this is why drugs are bad. Not only do they rot away your brain, they cause you fits of uncontrollable stupidity where bad ideas seem great.

How did I find out about the warrant? Good question. Seems the pesky legal trouble made itself known during a routine back ground check for this house S and I wanted to rent. This was back in August. They just called Friday to let us know we couldn't rent. Thanks buddy for that timely response.

I've made some calls and found out that I need to write the judge and beg for him to take pity on me and let me deal with this out-of-state. The nice clerk I spoke with said the judges are usually lenient on first time offenders, especially if said offenders grovel. Maybe she didn't say that, but that's what I heard and that's what I'm going to do. Grovel like I've never groveled before.

I hope this doesn't make any of you think worse of me than you already did. I'm taking the opportunity to use this to my advantage. See, I'm more like a rock star now than I was before. I'm a hardened criminal. Just please don't make me do time.

5 comments:

Linda said...

When I was 18, my friends and I stole orange constructions barrels and put them in funny places like on people's porches or cars. We got caught and were supposed to go to court. Well, we didn't know when and went off to college. So, I also had a warrant for my arrest because they couldn't "find" us. Luckily ours is all taken care of, but it was a bit embaressing when we had to go to court and explain that in front of everyone.

At least yours was to get something, ours was for pure amusement...LOL!

Now, don't anyone hold that against me...LOL!

Christina said...

Oh Linda...you bad girl! That's funny. I had friends that would steal street signs, of all things.

At least you were sober when you commited you crime.

Mine is just...tales of a miss-spent youth.

Laina said...

I'm sure you'll get it all taken care of--clearly you've reformed your life without the benefit of official court discipline. Just don't tell them about your online alter ego, bwahahaha!

Julie said...

Glad to see I'm not the only posting online confessions from my youth! Kiss that judge's ass!

Happy Valentines Day, Sweetie!

Hale McKay said...

I wouldn't think badly of you. We all have and will make mistakes. Good luck to you.