aren't they sweet?

after many, many, many attempts we finally achieved a semi-nice picture of the two girls:



here is what the other 23 pictures looked like from that session:



and here:

Long time ago when we was fab

Here are some random photos of sweet, cute, little old me:

1982, I'm 4 in this picture. Can you see the damage from thumb-sucking on my teeth?


1986, I'm 8 1/2 here. All I remember was I fought my teacher to keep that sweater on only to have my mom yell at me for not taking it off.


1987, I'm 9 1/2 and looking geeky. In the photo, as well as the two above, I am wearing outfits my mother sewed for me. Unfortunately, I possess none of this talent.


1996, I'm 17 here. That's my youngest sister Katie there with me. We're on the Peter Pan ride at Disneyland, I think. I'm wearing a bright yellow Magical Mystery Tour shirt and a Piglet watch. This was the beginning of my still ongoing obsession with the Beatles. Yeah, I was so cool.


I'll have to dig up some super embarrassing junior high pics. I think my mom hid them so I wouldn't destroy them, smart lady that she is.

I'm a working (wo)man

Well, I got the job cleaning the daycare where my sister works. Sounds easy enough, just 15 hours a week, weekends off. I like that I'll be there by myself. That's three glorious hours all by my lonesome, just me and a mop. I love how the center is set up, very easy cleaning. Everything is plastic. I'm now considering going that route for my house.

Speaking of houses...still nothing on that front. I'm going to look at apartments today. I was so set against renting an apartment, but seeing how much cheaper they are to house rentals I think I can compromise. That way we can save, save, save for a house to OWN. I'm so sick of renting.

The kids are great. Emmie is growing like a weed. Still nursing like a champ. We hadn't given her a bottle in a few weeks, so last night I gave her one to make sure she would still take it. Lucky for me, actually S since he'll be feeding her while I work, she took it with much pleasure. She lives to eat, just like her big sister. She is also smiling and cooing and trying very hard to roll over.

Lexie is starting to pick up in her vocabulary. She says: please (pease), thanks ('anks), your welcome (welcome), the standard hi and bye, who's that (also used for what's that), down (meaning up), mom, daddy, grandpa (bapa), and Kaya (our dog) and Daisy (my mom's dog). There are a few others that I can't think of right now, but you get the picture. I think living here in a very busy, people filled home has helped her pick up the speech more. She also screams everything she says. There is no quiet setting on this girl. Just like her mama.

I've had a blast going through old photos of my family and me. I will scan a few and post them so you can see what a DORK I was (still am).

Oh and Linda, for some reason I can't post on your site. So, hey to you. I'm still reading you and all that. I'll figure out the problem here soon.

that would be a hell no

The house I really wanted; the one with the quaint kitchen, bearclaw bathtub, and the cellar straight out of a Stephen King book; yeah, this house is two doors down from a halfway house for sexual offenders. Seems Mrs. Spazzy Owner "forgot" to mention this little nugget of info when we were in the process of falling in love with her house. How does one "forget" something like this?

Seems that it doesn't bother her, what with the fact that she has no children and the men living there have never given her any troubles. Yeah, no troubles lady. Let's hear you say that when one of them breaks into your house late at night to "chat" with you. And by "chat" I mean tie you up and ravage you. Let's see you "forget" that they are two doors down then.

So, the search for living quarters continues...

pros and cons

Here I am, still living with the 'rents. It hasn't been that bad really. I just hate sharing a room with both kids. Lexie has started snoring, which would be cute if I was hearing it over an intercom and not in my right ear. S and my step-dad have bonded over basement remodeling and softball. The testosterone is flying here.

Some great points about living with my mom, step-dad and sisters:

• free babysitting,
• meaning I get long, leisurely showers.
• homecooked meals that I didn't have to prepare.
• free babysitting.
• trying to do the dishes and getting shoo'd away (is shoo'd a word?).
• free babysitting.
• reconnecting with my mom and sisters.
• free babysitting
• saving bunches of money by not having any bills to pay, other than cell phone and car payments.

But, as you know, with the good comes the bad:

• no privacy
• guilt over watching my mom clean up after all of us
• no privacy
• buying a bag of candy and not even getting one piece (thanks mom).
• no privacy
• the imagined pressure to find a place already. My mom and step-dad insist they aren't sick of us, but I don't want to push it.
• the fear that I'm cashing all my free babysitting chips in now, as opposed to when I might actually need them (Starbuck's runs are not really that necessary).

So, we have a few houses to look at tonight. Rent here is cheap and that's what we want. We have a goal of how much to save for a downpayment and I already have an area picked out for where I want to live. Downtown Coeur d'Alene is so quaint and charming, I just want to gobble the whole town up.

Oh, and I bit the bullet and applied at Starbucks. My sister's boss hasn't gotten back to me yet, and I need a job like yesterday. I'll let you all know how that goes.

but are they hiring?

It's weird, asking a place if they are hiring. I feel like an imposter. And I feel old. When did that happen? And would it be that very strange to have a boss that is young enough to be my kid, if I was having kids at 11 that is?

I'm looking for part-time work. Basically, some no-brainer job that brings in a little extra cash so we can save for a downpayment on a house. I'm thinking Starbucks or one of the many hotels in the Coeur d'Alene area. But walking into the Starbucks here, I realize how so uncool I really am. All the kids (emphasis on kids) working behind the counter are just so...you know. With it. They wear the latest fashions, listen to the newest music. And here I am, a mother to two small children, married, approaching my thirties at a frightening speed. Do I really think I can work with these young people? I feel like I did on the first day of high school, a time I would rather forget.

I hated high school, which I think most people did. I hated trying so hard to make sure everyone liked me. Hated worrying about the clothes I couldn't afford to buy and wondering if anyone would notice that I was wearing a knockoff pair of jeans. Really, why would I want to throw myself back into an atmosphere like that again. An atmosphere where this time I know I'm not cool, not wearing the right thing, not saying the right thing. Where every night the kids just roll their eyes and exclaim that I'm too old to understand (have I really gotten to that point already?).

Well, money is money and the really question is: how badly do I need it to subject myself to the kind of headtrip I'm already starting with myself? Not that bad. Which is why I'm applying for a job cleaning a daycare after hours. That way I don't have to deal with people and I get to do what I now do best. Clean up after little people.

still alive

Well, here I am pounding away at my mother's computer, wondering if this was the right move. Of course I know it was, but S and I have been questioning our sanity for the last couple of days. All we can do is trust that all will be well.

Fun things are happening here. Lexie learned how to climb out of her crib. It's toddler bed time. Yes, she climbs out of that too, but as long as the door is shut, she falls alseep kind of near her bed. Near as in on the basement floor and the other side of the room. Even though I placed many pillows near her crib, she chooses the floor. What a weird kid I have. She also learned that she loves the taste of dog food, and wilkl eat it at any chance she gets. Again, she is a weird, weird kid. She must be mine. Emmie is doing great, hasn't complained about moving once. Doesn't even seem to notice. I guess when all you do is sleep and eat, it doesn't matter where you do these things just so long as you can do them. Kaya (the wonder pup) is fairing well. My mother's dog, Daisy, took a bite out of her hindquarters. Don't fear, 'tis merely a flesh wound.

All in all we are doing great. I'm loving having trees to look at, instead of concrete BART tracks. It was so strange how quiet it is at night. S had to dig up a fan to turn on just so we had some background noise. I know, damn city slickers that we are can't handle a little peace ans quiet.