Wednesday, February 23, 2005

A letter to baby bean

Dear Tenant,

I know we went into agreement that you would be living here for 9 months (give or take), but I'm am seriously having doubts. I am currently looking into the matter, but I somehow don't think you are within your renters rights with some of the shenanigans you have pulled.

Now, I have heard a rumor that the previous tenant left the place a little bigger than before. That doesn't mean your parties can be bigger and better. The walls of the place are only so thick and it's embarrassing trying to explain the shaking and rumbling seen be friends and family.

I have received several complaints from your neighbors about these wild parties going on at all times, day and night. Mr. Bladder said he would especially appreciate it if you let up on the body slamming, since you seem to share a common wall. Ms. Stomach (who resides on the opposite side) is in agreement. As for the lovely Kidney couple, their only complaint is the amount of processing they have had to do, due to your excessive use of liquids. I mean, you only weigh about a pound right now, how much water can you possibly need?

As for the amount of food you require, that is no problem, but what you are asking to be delivered is outrageous. I don't like pizza that much, yet you demand it almost nightly. And why can you only have a sandwich from Subway, when we have bread, lunchmeat, and cheese here at the house. And does the strawberry ice cream have to be the most expensive brand? My pocketbook would sure like it better if you could choke down the generic. I know, I know, the food was part of our original agreement, but seriously! I think it's time you looked for a job.

My husband (daddy) just looked the lease over, and wants me to remind you that there are only 16 weeks left. But, if you feel the need to move out sooner by a few weeks, it would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,
Management (aka mommy)


Jaynee said...

Great post! That one made me smile. Hope the bean settles down (by the way, "bean" is what we called our son before he was born - we almost had Bean as his middle name but changed our minds at the last minute.

Ontario Emperor said...

Watch out, or your tenant might start making demands. When is the landlord going to hook up electricity? Cable?

Good post.

Linda said...

That was a very cute post. :)