bummer

I didn't get the job.

fingers crossed

I applied for the supervisor position in my department today. I'll probably have an interview next week. God, I want this so bad.

My fear is the hours. I am very stuck in what hours I can work right now. The supervisors have to be flexible and able to work any of the shifts (which range from 6am to 8pm). Honestly, this is the only thing holding me back.

I know I'm qualified for the job and would be great at it. We'll see.

She'll always be my baby

Two years ago today, my little family was completed by the arrival of Emily Lynne Austin. Weighing a whopping 6lbs 13oz, she was a joy that had and has brightened my life



That little bitty thing up there has grown into a robust toddler. Emmie now tops the scales at 32lbs and that's thirty-two pounds of screaming, laughing little girl.



Happy Birthday Cheeto! We love you.

The long and winding road

I've been talking with Scott twice a week. I am simply amazed at the changes he has made. I don't know if I've shared this with you, but he's serving what is called a diversionary program. Basically, a sentence before a sentence here in Idaho. It's a chance for first time offenders to redeem themselves. They really push personal counseling and spiritual growth. And I have got to tell you, I think it's working.

Our last conversation was basically Scott rehashing what we've already been through. But, the difference this time? He actually faced his part in our troubles. While I know I haven't been perfect, he's been far from and has never wanted to admit that. It was always someones fault, not his own. Now he realizes (I hope) that he was to blame for the mistakes he made. And he realizes that they were mistakes. To narrow it down here; he's healing.

I know the road to our healing of our marriage is going to be long. But, I can see now that the road we're on is leading to a good place. And for that I am grateful.

Idaho, how do I love thee?

I was on the phone with a friend back in California the other day (hey, she has friends!) and she asked me if I still enjoy living in Idaho. Yes and no, that was my answer.

Why yes? Well, the weather is nice. I always enjoy having four different seasons. In California, all I got was kinda hot, hot, and really hot. This past year I've really enjoyed experiencing what spring fever is all about. The days are slowly getting warmer and I'm itching for sunshine. My girls are practically climbing the walls wanting to go outside and run.

I also like the pace of life here. No one seems to be in that big of a hurry. Grocery clerks actually talk to you and you enjoy talking with them. I like my neighbors, they watch out for me. My upstairs neighbor made me dessert the other night, just because. Never did I have that in CA. Hell, my neighbor there didn't even speak English, so all we ever did was smile uncomfortably at each other and nod.

Now, why don't I like it? Well, for one the cost of living seems to be rising, but the wages aren't. I make "pretty good money for this area" as I'm told by Those Who Know Things. But, even with Scott gone, I am barely squeaking by. Oh, I'm doing okay, not starving or getting final notices or anything. I just wish I didn't have to stretch that dollar so tight. At least I have the comfort in hoping that when Scott gets out, he'll rejoin the workforce and then our plans can get back on track. It's really made me appreciate the truly single moms that do this year in and out. I think knowing this is (hopefully) temporary is what doesn't keep me up at nights.

I'm not unhappy with the decision of moving here almost 2 years ago. I've adjusted to living here and that's all I can do, right?

checking in

My heart has unhardened. I have finally reached a point where I can no longer be angry with Scott. To do so would turn me into something bitter. And I don't want to go there.

My nights are lonely. I miss him the most while watching "our shows." But, it's not too bad. I do get to sleep in the middle of the bed. And I don't have to share the remote. There's a silver lining to every cloud.

I've started another blog. So, I'll probably be writing there more than here. Which actually, even if I wrote only once a month over there, it'd still be more than what I've done here.

I just figured out that I can blog from work. For some reason the old computer I was sitting at wouldn't let me pull up dashboard. So, the possibilities just became clear. Now, I have something to occupy my time when I'm supposed to be working.

bad blogger

Well hello!

I've seem to have forgotten all about you. Thanks Leah for asking like what, a month ago how I was doing? As you can see I'm right on top of answering that.

Things are well. S and I are talking every night. He's in jail, waiting for transport to take him to his diversionary program. It's a program geared towards alcoholic criminals, which is what S is now. A criminal. Hmmm, sounds pretty bad, right?

Anyway. We are talking and that's good. I'm not 100% sure where our marriage is headed, but that's okay for right now. He's where he needs to be and I'm learning how strong I am every day.

The girls are great. We've settled into a nice routine. I have awesome babysitters, so that helps a lot. Lexie is s stubborn almost 3 year old (she'll be 3 on Saturday, gasp!). Refuses to potty train, so I leave her alone on that. I figure she knows what to do, and she'll do it when she's ready. Emmie is a spit-fire. Full blown attack of the Terrible Twos. I want to hug her one minute and strangle her the next. Toddlers are such fun.

So there's your update. I'll try to get back on more often, we'll see. I don't want to make promises.