29 weeks, 1 day

Only 10 weeks and 6 days to go. Wow, I can't believe that in that amount of time I will be the mom to two kids. Does God know about this? Does He know how immature I am? He must have way more faith in my mom abilities than I do.

I am so ready for this to be over. I can't reach my toes, shaving my legs is a joke and forget in personal grooming, you know, "down there." S offered to clean me up, so to speak, but I can't say I trust him with a razor near my nether area. It doesn't paint a pretty picture in my head, you know.

Ah well, I'm off to chase Lexie down and once again clean her toys up off the floor. Why I bother with that, I'll never know.

Mama, he's crazy

I don't think I've told you all about my brother-in-law, Dipshit, yet. No, his name isn't really Dipshit, but it might as well be.

Dipshit is a druggie, junkie, loser. I met him the same night as I met S and I don't think he was sober then, and I know for sure he ain't sober now. Back then he was just visiting California. He was married and had a beautiful little girl, Hope. Fast forward a couple years, he is now divorced, Hope is diagnosed with Leukemia and he doesn't seem to care. There seem to be too many drugs for him to do, rather than worry about his 2 year old fighting cancer. Flash forward to today. Hope is in remission (just hit the one year mark!), Dipshit just got released from a two year stint in prison and now he's homeless in California. Wow, reading back on this, I realize how depressing it is. Somehow, S and I are of the weird sort that can find humor in all that is dark...Well, except the cancer shit, that just isn't funny.

He's not allowed in our house, but that doesn't stop him from trying. He's tried crying, begging and even breaking in (to our backyard...He got caught because he got stuck on our fence, quite comical). Well, today marks the beginning of the already downward spiral into what I call "the fruitloop."

I woke up to him knocking on the door. Being the nice person I am, I ignored him. About five minutes later, he calls from the nearest payphone to tell us, "I've left those Tarrot cards in your mailbox." WTF?

I go to look. Sure enough, there are Tarrot cards in the mailbox. What does it mean, you ask? I haven't the foggiest. I called S at work to let him know, he's as clueless as I am. Is there some deep, drug-induced meaning behind these? Probably. Would I need to be loaded to understand? Probably again. Is that ever going to happen? Hell no.

Damn fruitloop.

Be afraid, be very afraid

Please, God, tell me this isn't true. Because if it is, I am going to have to seriously rethink all of my concepts on how this world works and what life is all about. Seriously.

They say it's your birthday (happy birthday to ya)

Exactly one year ago today, my life was forever changed.

Alexis Ann Austin was born at 3:51pm. She weighed 6 pounds 15 ounces and was 19 and 3/4 inches long.

Happy birthday Bug-a-boo!

Lexie's birthday bash

Here she is in her lovely party dress. Pay no attention to the tennis shoes on her feet. Mommy (wait, that's me) forgot to buy party shoes. Oops. This is the only time she smiled all day. Let's just say parties aren't her thing. After about two hours of her screaming and crying I decided I wanted a new kid. One that never throws fits in public. Do they even make models like that?

More on Terri Schiavo

Okay, so S doesn't agree with me. The man I'm married to and have child(ren) with is an asshat. Really.

How could he think it's cool to just yank away a persons means of nutrition? Blah, he pisses me off. I told him I can't talk to him about this anymore because otherwise I will kill him. And I would totally get away with it because I'm pregnant.

Terri Schiavo

So, I guess I've been living in a cave for the past ten years, because this is the first time I have heard of Terri Schiavo. I seem to recall hearing something about them wanting to pull "the plug" and thinking, ah just let 'em. Little did I know that "the plug" in question was a feeding tube and not life support.
What kind of man is Michael to do this to his wife, seriously? Just divorce her and get on with your life. It makes me so sick. I saw clips of how she is now. Yes, she is "not all there" but the woman made eye contact with people. She smiles. How could these people let her starve to death? Men condemned to death row die with more dignity and humanity than this.

Let's pray this latest battle in congress favors this woman and her amazing parents.

Will this post?

I know many other blogging people out there are having trouble with Blogger, so I won't go into my sob story. Just know that this is my fifth attempt at posting.

My birthday was a good one. We saw the film Hostage which was good. Bruce Willis is aging rather nicely, thank you very much. His daughter Rumour plays his child in the film. She's in a total of like 10 minutes of it, but those 10 minutes weren't bad. I think she was in Striptease with Demi, am I right? Anyway, it felt weird being away from the house for 4 whole hours without Lexie. I mean, S and I have been gone from her before, just never both of us together. I must say, I can get used to it.

I was a little bummed that this is the third birthday in a row that I haven't gotten to have a margarita on. Each time I've been pregnant. If I had known the pregnancy during my 25th birthday was going to end so suddenly and sadly, I would have had 14 margaritas (I meant to type 15, but 14 came out and I figured if I had changed it to 15, all of you would think I was a lush or something). You know, my ex-SIL actually said she didn't see anything wrong with having "a" drink while pregnant. Yeah, this from the woman who smoked pot every day of her pregnancy and on the weekends treated herself to a White Russian. Um, I don't think I'll be taking baby advice (assvice) from her.

Lexie did great with her babysitter (my step-monster...er, I mean mother). M (as she will now be called) was great, only commenting on the disarray of my house 3 times, instead of her usual 20 comment visits. That must have been her present to me.

Happy Birthday to ME!

Yes kiddies, it's my birthday. So everyone gather around and someone strike up the band...
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday dear Christinaaaaaaaa
Happy birthday to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Thank you, thank you. What fun and exciting things have I planned for my glorious day at turning 27 (years? gulp!), you may ask? Well, let's see. I had a OB appointment at the butt-crack of dawn, then after that unfulfilling (except we are now onto appointments every 2 weeks...it's getting closer to that time folks) experience I was subjected to needle pokes and blood-letting every hour on the hour for three freakin' hours. Yes, the 3 hour glucose tolerance test. Let's cross those fingers and hope I pass.

Tonight, the husband-unit and I will venture forth into that grown up world of dinner and a movie. Sans baby! I am so excited I could just poop my pants...ew, which I think Lexie just did. But, that's okay because tonight I'm going to see. A. Movie. Which I haven't done in over a year. Now, if you'll excuse me I have a crappy butt to attend to.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

I've decided to go with a pink template for my blog. I've been feeling very pink the last few days.

Also, I think my computer thinks that my eyesight is going bad. When I logged on this fine and sunny morning, all the letters and pictures were bigger. I know you can change them like that on purpose, but I have done no such thing. Like I said, my computer must just be worried about my eyes. Hey, at least something cares.

Miscellaneous Poopoo

I've decided to bite the bullet and buy me some shorts that fit. You know, like maternity shorts, for pregnant women. Jeez, I keep forgetting that I am, in fact, pregnant. I keep catching myself complaining to S about how my clothes don't fit or how tired I am. He just looks at me and says, "duh, you're pregnant." And every time I swear you can see the light bulb go on over my head and I'm like, "ohhhh, so that's why ______(fill in blank with obvious stupid answer)."

There ain't nothin' like having a rambunctious almost-one year old to chase around to make you forget everything else going on in your life. Lexie's new favorite activity is to stomp around in circles on the back patio, screaming at the top of her lungs. Great fun! She looks so damn cute though in her little (well, not so little...She wears a size FIVE!) sandals.

I've actually enjoyed living in California for the last few days. Eighty degree weather will do that to you. I just don't understand how last week it was forty-five out and raining cats and dogs. Now, you would think it was June.

So, a blast from my past called earlier this week. Jenn, my best friend from high school has just moved here from our hometown in Washington. What a trip. I haven't seen her in almost 6 years. She'll be coming to the bash known as 'Lexie's first birthday party,' which is actually just an excuse for me to have all of my friends and family come over and eat yummy food. I'm so excited. Now I have another friend near me. That brings the total to about 2....Okay, that sounds even sadder now that I've written out.

Well, I guess I should go enjoy the sunshine while I can still move around without waddling.

Huh?

Some observations made by yours truly today :

• none of my shorts fit. Seriously, I am walking around in a pair of jean shorts zipped maybe half of the way up. And here I was all excited about the sun coming back to California.
• The older your child gets and the more variety of food she eats means the stinkier her poop is. Goodness me!
• If you forget to feed your guinea pig for one day, he will bite you when you reach into his cage for his food bowl.
• Every time I clean the bowl of my beta fish (which is basically a decorative living thing), he tries to commit suicide by jumping. Every. Single. Time.
• Thinking about doing the dishes doesn't get them done.
• The same thing goes for the bed getting made.
• Don't leave your water glass within reach of the baby, or you will find crackers floating in it.
• Did you know Dr. Pepper and Diet Dr. Pepper have prunes in them? Yeah, it never really mattered to me either until yesterday when I drank like 7 of them. I don't think I need to share the details of that adventure with you.
• But I will share with you the wisdom of buying quality toilet paper.

Here comes the sun (do do do do)

If you've seen any weather reports recently on the "wonderful" state of California, then you know we have had rain, rain, and then some more rain. The last couple of days though, there has been this bright shining object in the sky. It's bright out and warm. I think it's the sun, but I haven't seen it since last summer so I am not too sure.

I am so freakin' relieved that the weather has changed. I was seriously going crazy, staying indoors day after day after day. It sucks not having a car and not being able to walk anywhere. But, these past two days Lexie* and I have gone for more walks than I can count. She digs it, I dig it, everybody is happy. Our walks aren't too exciting, usually just to the corner store or the 7-11 for a slurpee (I crave their Crystal Lite Raspberry Ice majorly). Lex seems to like slurpees so she doesn't complain.

Her first birthday is in 18 days. My baby will be one. The big oh-one. I am feeling so melancholy over it. I find myself dragging out the photo albums and crying over how small she was. My husband just smiles and, I know, is thinking to himself that his wife is looney. Who knew parenting would break your heart?

We're planning a party for the 20th, and I am praying that this weather stays put until then. If not, you can find me in the backyard, shaking my fist and screaming into the heavens. Yup honey, your wife is loco.

*I've decided to use my daughter's name from now on. She is too young to request that I don't and my whole family knows about this website anyway. My dork of a husband still doesn't want his name used though.

Shamelessly stolen

Yes, I'm a thief. I stole the following list from Kris (Hi Kris...don't hate me). But, hey, she stole it from someone else. I just had to post it 1) because every single one is true (for me) and 2) it made me feel old. Were the 80's really that long ago....

You grew up in the 1980s or Early 1990s if............
1. You've ever ended a sentence with the work "PSYCHE"
2. You watched the Pound Puppies.
3. You can do the rap to "The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air" and can do the "Carlton"
4. Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy.
5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-Sitters Club and tried to start a club of your own.
6. You owned those lil' Strawberry Shortcake scented dolls.
7. You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey on Blossom.
8. Two words: Hammer Pants.
9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock"
10. If you ever had plastic streamers on your bikes handle bars and you had "spokey-dokes" or playing cards on your spokes for that incredible sound effect.
11. You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales" (Woo-ooh!)
12. You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on Saturdays to watch cartoons.
13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
14. You saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" on the big screen and you can still remember the turtles names.
15. You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school*.
16. You made your Mom buy you one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.
17. You played "MASH" (Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House)
18. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.
19. L.A. Gear...........need I say more?
20. You wanted to change your name to "JEM" in kindergarten (She is truly Outrageous).
21. You remember reading "Tales of the Fourth Grade Nothing" and all the Romona books.
22. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF."
23. You wanted to be a Goonie.....and you still do.
24. You ever wore fluorescent clothing (some of us...head-to-toe).
25. You remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted**.
26. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
27. You took lunch boxes to school and you traded Garbage Pail Kids in the school-yard.
28. You remember the CRAZE and the BANNING of slap bracelets.
29. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence.
30. You remember Hypercolor t-shirts***.
31. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.
32. You thought She-Ra (Princess of Power) and He-Man should hook up.
33. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.
34. You owned a pair of jelly shoes and probably 24 pairs at that.....even in neon colors.
35. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you are but what am I?"
36. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up."
37. You remember going to the skating rink before there was inline skates.
38. You ever got seriously injured on a slip and slide.
39. You have ever played Skip-It.
40. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonald's.
41. You have gone through this nodding your head in agreement.
42. You remember Popples.
43. "Don't worry, be happy."
44. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks.
45. You wore socks scrunched down (sometimes you still do......getting yelled at the younger, hip members in your family).
46. "Miss Mary MACK MACK MACK, all dressed nin BLACK BLACK BLACK"
47. You remember boomboxes and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that.
48. You remember watching both "Gremlins" movies.
49. You know what it meant to say "Care-Bare Stare"!!!
50. You remember watching "Rainbow Bright" and "My Little Ponies"
51. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.
52. You remember Alf, the lil furry alien from Melmac.
53. You remember New Kids On The Block when they were so cool.....and you don't even flinch when people refer to them as "NKOTB."****
54. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell" the original class.
55. You know all the words to "Shot Through The Heart" by BON JOVI
56. You just sang those words to yourself.
57. You remember watching MAGIC vs. BIRD.
58. homemade Levi shorts........the shorter the better.
59. You remember when mullets were cool!
60. You had a mullet!
61. You still sing "We Are The World"
62. You tight-rolled your jeans.
63. You owned a banana clip*****.
64. You remember "Where's the beef?"
65. You used to (and probably still do) say "What you talkin' bout Willis?"
66. You had big hair and you knew how to use it.
67. You're still singing Shot Through The Heart..........aren't you?


*is it sad that I just bought the newest addition of this game for my computer. I am so in love with it!

**when I was six, I was madly in love with him. I think this was during his Thriller stage, nose #2.

***I was always afraid to wear these, thinking they would just show off my underarms. I had horrible visions of the hypercolor only showing up under my arms and no where else.

****I was a HUGE New Kid's fan. My walls were plastered with the pictures. I had so many pictures up that I would only dress in the bathroom, because all of those eyes creeped me out when I was naked.

*****we used to wear them over our eyes and pretend to be Jordy(sp?) from Star Trex: The Next Generation. My mother was (and still is) a HUGE Trekkie. I'm talking conventions and everything.

I knew I should have studied

I failed my 1 hour glucose tolerance test. I knew I would, seeing how I failed it with my first kiddo. I hate, hate, HATE the 3 hour test. The lab I go to will not let you leave for any reason, so I have to sit there, bored to tears, for three frickin' hours...again.

I knew I should have skipped breakfast that morning, but when you're pregnant skipping a meal is like being told to cut off a finger. Well, for me anyway. If it ain't nailed down, it's going down my throat.

Well, here's to happy testing thoughts. I go in next week for the 3 hour torture.

In the meantime, would you really want to pull this pen out of your purse at the bank?

No, I didn't think so.