what the?

what all the kids are getting this Christmas, you know so the TV can totally take over your job.

The late show

well, lower class was fun. I think we have now entered white trash level. Oh yeah, they shut off our phone. Granted it was a cell phone (I hate landlines), but that doesn't change the fact that we're now one step above those that live in trailers with extension cords running in their electricity.

Okay, I'm exaggerating a bit. See, when S went and purchased his phone, his Dipshit brother "bought" a phone too. What I didn't know then, but know now is that S put them both in his name. Yeah, I said those choice words you all are thinking, too.

Anyway, seems when one is homeless and addicted to drugs, one cannot pay one's cell phone bill. Leaving us to hold the bag. All $350.00 in charges. And that's for one month. I shut his phone off before he could order any more Shakira ring tones on our dime. But, too little too late. And since we didn't have that kind of extra cash lying around, they cut our communications off. Luckily, S just got a raise and we can pay the ghastly bill in full Friday.

I feel naked without a phone. And S is hating it, because I now have time to really think about how fucked up what he did was. I love the man and his generosity, but this blind faith in his washed up sibling is driving me batty! I mean, enough is enough. It's time to cut that umbilical line.

I'm so glad we made this move. It's easier for S to say no to Dipshit with 950 miles between the two of them. S is finally coming out of the dark and realizing he's been had. Finally.

what was I before this?

the house is quiet and mommy is happy. God, I love it when both girls go down for naps at the same time. It's like Christmas. I run around, barely containing the scream forming on my lips, not knowing what to do first. Should I wash the dishes from breakfast, should I do some laundry, should I make the bed? No, I'm going to veg in front of the computer and then I'm going to eat Oreos without a little person crawling up my leg yelling, "Gimme ookie! Gimme ookie!"

It's funny, just the other night I was reminiscing with S about the days before children (BC). But you know, for the life of me I couldn't remember what I did with all my time BC. I do know I slept more, but really? That's all I did? I can't imagine life without kids and don't want to. Sure, I do miss sleep (oh glorious sleep, when will I see you again?), but I've learned to adapt. I can now change clothes, diapers, make three meals a day and pay the bills all on about 5 hours sleep. And that's 5 interrupted hours of sleep. Damn, I rock.

*okay Lost fans, what do you think is up with the hatch? S is convinced it's part of a cloning experiment and that all the castaways are actually clones of themselves...hmmmm. Post your theory here.

well, at least someone in this family is organized

who knew? Emmie just needed some structure and routine to her days. Sheesh, talk about mommy-brain. How is it that I've completely forgotten all I learned while Lexie was a baby? Last year!

Today I actually had a happy baby on my hands. And S didn't get the usual meltdown from her after dinner. She slept through the night (7pm to 3am) and I'm willing to bet we have a repeat performance tonight. I feel like a freakin' genius here. Ha!

In other mundane news...I am so happy that the fall season has started. Lost and Survivor are rocking. These are the only two shows that both S and I like to watch. Nothing like couple-bonding over the boob tube. Gob bless America. Land of the lazy.

here from the trenches

Well, last night S let Emmie cry-it-out while I was at work. I came home to a frazzled husband and a peacefully sleeping Emmie. She was in her own bed ans everything!

Today I braved it out and put her in her crib for a real nap. That was 45 minutes ago and she's still sleeping. Plus, she didn't cry once. Hot damn, I think we're on to something here.

I thought this didn't happen the second time around

I guess what "they" say about your first child being the practice child were all wrong. I mean, I can kinda see the point of that. The first is where you learn what's right and what's a mistake. Leave it to me to buck the norm.

I've already messed up Emmie. Probably for life. See, we co-sleep with her. Granted it's only half the night, but I'm just too tired to fight her at 4am. Plus, we brilliant parents thought it would be great for them to share a room. Yeah, that's not working out so well. Seems like the screaming that wakes me up is also waking Lexie up. Not good.

Emmie has also gotten used to napping in her bouncy seat or the swing. She will not sleep in the crib. Damn the crib, she cries. So, the only crib time this kid is seeing is from 11pm to 4am. That's five hours people (yay, I can still do math!). Which means I'm only getting maybe 4 good hours of sleep. Seems I've let Emmie become a bed hog while I was also destroying my sleep pattern. Add a bed hogging husband and you have no room left for me.

I also rock her to sleep. This is something I never did with Lexie. My back wasn't in too good of shape back then (was it only last year, seems so long ago). But, the back has either healed itself, or I've become so sleep-deprived that I don't notice, so I rock and rock and rock. Oh and I rock some more. And this leads to. You guessed it, a baby who will not go to sleep on her own.

The kid's only 4 months old. There's still time to reverse the damage, right?

Hello world, it's me

I'm alive, and improved with cable internet. The move into our own place! went smoothly. S did all the heavy lifting, I did all the bossing around. Perfect. The cable guy that came out here yesterday looked so much like Adam Levine from Maroon 5 that I was practically drooling and having the most impure thoughts. Thank God I remembered I was married, because I'm sure he would have had me, what with all the drool and spitup covering my pajama shirt and the wild, unkept 'do I was sporting on my head. Oh yeah, infidelity was imminent, but again thank God I remembered S.

It's still so surreal to me that we are living in an apartment with the same square footage as the house we were renting in California. And for a fraction of the monthly cost. It's wonderful. I sleep so much better at night knowing we aren't getting screwed out of most of our money.

The kids are great. Emmie learned to roll over this week. Lexie learned to hit Emmie with toys. This makes for one banged up Emmie. Poor thing. I can't wait for the day to come where she defends herself. Lexie is in for a nasty surprise. I'm laying my money on Emmie now.

I've been asked t be the Matron-of-Honor at my sister's nuptials this spring. I'm pretty jazzed since that means I beat out her twin sister. Take that, twin-bond my ass. I kid, it's probably on because I live in the same state. So internet, tell me what being a Matron-of-Honor entail? I know I throw the bachelorette party, and hold the flowers and fix the train of the dress, but what else do I need to do?

Oh yes, and who could forget this happy news?

pause

well, finally got an apartment. I will be without internet for who knows how long. I know, I know, I died a little reading that too.

Hopefully I'll be back and actually posting to your blogs as well by the end of the week.

it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood

Lot's of stuff going on around here, let's see if I can catch you up. But first, a look into how strange my mind is...

I'm a wiper-of-kisses. I always have been, always will. It drives S crazy that I always wipe my mouth with the back of my hand after he kisses me. I told him it's not that I don't like kisses, it's just that I don't like the wet feeling on my lips or cheeks or wherever. So, yesterday morning S kisses me goodbye and yells for me NOT to wipe his kiss away. I lay there in bed, physically holding my hands back, aching to wipe the wet kiss away. What made it especially horrible was the fact that he had just brushed his teeth, so his lips were wet and cold. Yuck. He laughed at me, finding great amusement in the fact that I was going mad with the need to wipe my mouth. I swear to you, my lips were tingling. Not the good kind either. It was the acid-eating-through-flesh tingling. I know, you're laughing at me now. But internet, I swear to you that's what I felt. S finally left and I scrubbed my lips dry with the comforter. And that is a small glimpse into the mind of Christina.

Now, exciting news! My sister is getting married! Her boyfriend of a year asked the big question Monday night. But only after asking our step-dad permission. Isn't that the cutest thing you've ever heard? My other sister's husband did that same thing. Not S though. No, we were "living in sin" and I was already knocked up when we got married. My mother calls me the alternative child. If there is an alternative way of doing things, especially if it's against the norm, by golly I'm doing it. The only downside of this is the fact that I have to wear a bridesmaid dress again. Yuck.

Still no news on a home for us. The property management company is taking it's sweet time getting back to us about our credit check. The other company we were going to use lost us when they cashed our check and ran our application on a property that was already rented. Losers. But, this other company seems to know what they are doing and they have some great little places in our price range. Here's to luck!

it's a beautiful day

when another little one is born. Congratulations Toni.

We are family

I've never really thought about how my family appears to people outside our "circle." But, living with them with S, he has given me some new insight. We are a ditzy bunch. Not ditzy dumb, just ditzy. We repeat things over and over (and over). We fail to listen when others are talking to us (which kind of goes hand-in-hand with the repeating thing). The more of us in the room, the louder the volume. We watch bad reality TV and comment throughout the show, thereby frustrating others like S who are trying to listen. None of us are good with direction. We're what you call landmark drivers. You know the type. We'll tell you to turn at the Shell station as opposed to turning onto Main Street.

With all of these quirks comes a lot of love. Sure we tease each other to no end. I'm still getting crap from fall I took in front of everyone, quite embarrassing. But it's this love and affection that keep us close. I love every member of this crazy bunch and would do anything for any of them.

This all being said though...I am so sick of living here. I long for a place of my own, a place with my furniture and my decorative taste. If I have to look at one more country-style painted heart I will scream. Everything here is pink and blue. My mom is a nerd (I've inherited that), I love her, just not her style. We're still waiting for out credit check for the apartment we want. I wonder what is taking so freaking long. How thorough do they need to be? Sheesh.

So, I will stand it here a little longer and hope the word is good come Tuesday (stupid Monday holiday). Keep those fingers crossed.

aren't they sweet?

after many, many, many attempts we finally achieved a semi-nice picture of the two girls:



here is what the other 23 pictures looked like from that session:



and here:

Long time ago when we was fab

Here are some random photos of sweet, cute, little old me:

1982, I'm 4 in this picture. Can you see the damage from thumb-sucking on my teeth?


1986, I'm 8 1/2 here. All I remember was I fought my teacher to keep that sweater on only to have my mom yell at me for not taking it off.


1987, I'm 9 1/2 and looking geeky. In the photo, as well as the two above, I am wearing outfits my mother sewed for me. Unfortunately, I possess none of this talent.


1996, I'm 17 here. That's my youngest sister Katie there with me. We're on the Peter Pan ride at Disneyland, I think. I'm wearing a bright yellow Magical Mystery Tour shirt and a Piglet watch. This was the beginning of my still ongoing obsession with the Beatles. Yeah, I was so cool.


I'll have to dig up some super embarrassing junior high pics. I think my mom hid them so I wouldn't destroy them, smart lady that she is.

I'm a working (wo)man

Well, I got the job cleaning the daycare where my sister works. Sounds easy enough, just 15 hours a week, weekends off. I like that I'll be there by myself. That's three glorious hours all by my lonesome, just me and a mop. I love how the center is set up, very easy cleaning. Everything is plastic. I'm now considering going that route for my house.

Speaking of houses...still nothing on that front. I'm going to look at apartments today. I was so set against renting an apartment, but seeing how much cheaper they are to house rentals I think I can compromise. That way we can save, save, save for a house to OWN. I'm so sick of renting.

The kids are great. Emmie is growing like a weed. Still nursing like a champ. We hadn't given her a bottle in a few weeks, so last night I gave her one to make sure she would still take it. Lucky for me, actually S since he'll be feeding her while I work, she took it with much pleasure. She lives to eat, just like her big sister. She is also smiling and cooing and trying very hard to roll over.

Lexie is starting to pick up in her vocabulary. She says: please (pease), thanks ('anks), your welcome (welcome), the standard hi and bye, who's that (also used for what's that), down (meaning up), mom, daddy, grandpa (bapa), and Kaya (our dog) and Daisy (my mom's dog). There are a few others that I can't think of right now, but you get the picture. I think living here in a very busy, people filled home has helped her pick up the speech more. She also screams everything she says. There is no quiet setting on this girl. Just like her mama.

I've had a blast going through old photos of my family and me. I will scan a few and post them so you can see what a DORK I was (still am).

Oh and Linda, for some reason I can't post on your site. So, hey to you. I'm still reading you and all that. I'll figure out the problem here soon.

that would be a hell no

The house I really wanted; the one with the quaint kitchen, bearclaw bathtub, and the cellar straight out of a Stephen King book; yeah, this house is two doors down from a halfway house for sexual offenders. Seems Mrs. Spazzy Owner "forgot" to mention this little nugget of info when we were in the process of falling in love with her house. How does one "forget" something like this?

Seems that it doesn't bother her, what with the fact that she has no children and the men living there have never given her any troubles. Yeah, no troubles lady. Let's hear you say that when one of them breaks into your house late at night to "chat" with you. And by "chat" I mean tie you up and ravage you. Let's see you "forget" that they are two doors down then.

So, the search for living quarters continues...

pros and cons

Here I am, still living with the 'rents. It hasn't been that bad really. I just hate sharing a room with both kids. Lexie has started snoring, which would be cute if I was hearing it over an intercom and not in my right ear. S and my step-dad have bonded over basement remodeling and softball. The testosterone is flying here.

Some great points about living with my mom, step-dad and sisters:

• free babysitting,
• meaning I get long, leisurely showers.
• homecooked meals that I didn't have to prepare.
• free babysitting.
• trying to do the dishes and getting shoo'd away (is shoo'd a word?).
• free babysitting.
• reconnecting with my mom and sisters.
• free babysitting
• saving bunches of money by not having any bills to pay, other than cell phone and car payments.

But, as you know, with the good comes the bad:

• no privacy
• guilt over watching my mom clean up after all of us
• no privacy
• buying a bag of candy and not even getting one piece (thanks mom).
• no privacy
• the imagined pressure to find a place already. My mom and step-dad insist they aren't sick of us, but I don't want to push it.
• the fear that I'm cashing all my free babysitting chips in now, as opposed to when I might actually need them (Starbuck's runs are not really that necessary).

So, we have a few houses to look at tonight. Rent here is cheap and that's what we want. We have a goal of how much to save for a downpayment and I already have an area picked out for where I want to live. Downtown Coeur d'Alene is so quaint and charming, I just want to gobble the whole town up.

Oh, and I bit the bullet and applied at Starbucks. My sister's boss hasn't gotten back to me yet, and I need a job like yesterday. I'll let you all know how that goes.

but are they hiring?

It's weird, asking a place if they are hiring. I feel like an imposter. And I feel old. When did that happen? And would it be that very strange to have a boss that is young enough to be my kid, if I was having kids at 11 that is?

I'm looking for part-time work. Basically, some no-brainer job that brings in a little extra cash so we can save for a downpayment on a house. I'm thinking Starbucks or one of the many hotels in the Coeur d'Alene area. But walking into the Starbucks here, I realize how so uncool I really am. All the kids (emphasis on kids) working behind the counter are just so...you know. With it. They wear the latest fashions, listen to the newest music. And here I am, a mother to two small children, married, approaching my thirties at a frightening speed. Do I really think I can work with these young people? I feel like I did on the first day of high school, a time I would rather forget.

I hated high school, which I think most people did. I hated trying so hard to make sure everyone liked me. Hated worrying about the clothes I couldn't afford to buy and wondering if anyone would notice that I was wearing a knockoff pair of jeans. Really, why would I want to throw myself back into an atmosphere like that again. An atmosphere where this time I know I'm not cool, not wearing the right thing, not saying the right thing. Where every night the kids just roll their eyes and exclaim that I'm too old to understand (have I really gotten to that point already?).

Well, money is money and the really question is: how badly do I need it to subject myself to the kind of headtrip I'm already starting with myself? Not that bad. Which is why I'm applying for a job cleaning a daycare after hours. That way I don't have to deal with people and I get to do what I now do best. Clean up after little people.

still alive

Well, here I am pounding away at my mother's computer, wondering if this was the right move. Of course I know it was, but S and I have been questioning our sanity for the last couple of days. All we can do is trust that all will be well.

Fun things are happening here. Lexie learned how to climb out of her crib. It's toddler bed time. Yes, she climbs out of that too, but as long as the door is shut, she falls alseep kind of near her bed. Near as in on the basement floor and the other side of the room. Even though I placed many pillows near her crib, she chooses the floor. What a weird kid I have. She also learned that she loves the taste of dog food, and wilkl eat it at any chance she gets. Again, she is a weird, weird kid. She must be mine. Emmie is doing great, hasn't complained about moving once. Doesn't even seem to notice. I guess when all you do is sleep and eat, it doesn't matter where you do these things just so long as you can do them. Kaya (the wonder pup) is fairing well. My mother's dog, Daisy, took a bite out of her hindquarters. Don't fear, 'tis merely a flesh wound.

All in all we are doing great. I'm loving having trees to look at, instead of concrete BART tracks. It was so strange how quiet it is at night. S had to dig up a fan to turn on just so we had some background noise. I know, damn city slickers that we are can't handle a little peace ans quiet.

All my bags are packed...

Well, the internet gets shut off tomorrow morning. So, this is a goodbye-for-now post.

I hope to be back up and posting by Wednesday night. Well, maybe Thursday. I will need some rest after the grueling 20 hour drive. With two kids. Alone in the car with me. AGH!

Wish me luck!

t-minus 3 days and counting

AGH! Why is it that I have been packing for almost a month and I'm still nowhere near being done? And why does S keep scheduling 'fun' things for us to do in the last week we're here? He wants us all to go waterskiing tomorrow. Which really means, he skis while I chase after Lexie and Emmie. Fun for all!

So, I've been thinking (uh oh). I feel I'm pretty open here on this blog, and I'm pretty open in real life too. Is this a bad thing? S seems to think so, he says I give people way too much ammo to use against me later. I say it keeps me honest and let's me know who really likes me.

I bring this up because on a message board I belong to (you know who you are), I was sharing some of my recent past history involving arrests and drugs. S was reading over my shoulder and couldn't believe I was putting that all out on the internet! For everyone to read! I could hear the exclamation points in his voice! I figure, what better place to share the real you, the real things you have done than the internet. The internet is still relatively anonymous, and it's not like I'm telling things I wouldn't tell a real living human (you know, as opposed to the real dead humans).

These things I have lived through have shaped me into the person I am today. Some might say that is a good thing, since I'm so damn wonderful. Others might think the exact opposite. And to them I have two little words, and they aren't "I'm sorry."

So, how do you feel about sharing personal info on the web? I'm not talking bank info and social security numbers (God, I hope none of you share that stuff. But if you do, email me). I'm talking about embarrassing things, illegal things, stuff like that. I live in a world where I interact with people more online than anywhere else. Am I sharing too much? Not enough? Do you want me to just shut up already?