I Woke Up For This...

bummer

2007-06-09T17:53:00.001-07:00

I didn't get the job.

fingers crossed

2007-05-25T19:36:00.000-07:00

I applied for the supervisor position in my department today. I'll probably have an interview next week. God, I want this so bad.

My fear is the hours. I am very stuck in what hours I can work right now. The supervisors have to be flexible and able to work any of the shifts (which range from 6am to 8pm). Honestly, this is the only thing holding me back.

I know I'm qualified for the job and would be great at it. We'll see.

She'll always be my baby

2007-05-20T08:49:00.000-07:00

Two years ago today, my little family was completed by the arrival of Emily Lynne Austin. Weighing a whopping 6lbs 13oz, she was a joy that had and has brightened my life

That little bitty thing up there has grown into a robust toddler. Emmie now tops the scales at 32lbs and that's thirty-two pounds of screaming, laughing little girl.

Happy Birthday Cheeto! We love you.

The long and winding road

2007-05-16T19:56:00.000-07:00

I've been talking with Scott twice a week. I am simply amazed at the changes he has made. I don't know if I've shared this with you, but he's serving what is called a diversionary program. Basically, a sentence before a sentence here in Idaho. It's a chance for first time offenders to redeem themselves. They really push personal counseling and spiritual growth. And I have got to tell you, I think it's working.

Our last conversation was basically Scott rehashing what we've already been through. But, the difference this time? He actually faced his part in our troubles. While I know I haven't been perfect, he's been far from and has never wanted to admit that. It was always someones fault, not his own. Now he realizes (I hope) that he was to blame for the mistakes he made. And he realizes that they were mistakes. To narrow it down here; he's healing.

I know the road to our healing of our marriage is going to be long. But, I can see now that the road we're on is leading to a good place. And for that I am grateful.

Idaho, how do I love thee?

2007-04-21T21:12:00.000-07:00

I was on the phone with a friend back in California the other day (hey, she has friends!) and she asked me if I still enjoy living in Idaho. Yes and no, that was my answer.

Why yes? Well, the weather is nice. I always enjoy having four different seasons. In California, all I got was kinda hot, hot, and really hot. This past year I've really enjoyed experiencing what spring fever is all about. The days are slowly getting warmer and I'm itching for sunshine. My girls are practically climbing the walls wanting to go outside and run.

I also like the pace of life here. No one seems to be in that big of a hurry. Grocery clerks actually talk to you and you enjoy talking with them. I like my neighbors, they watch out for me. My upstairs neighbor made me dessert the other night, just because. Never did I have that in CA. Hell, my neighbor there didn't even speak English, so all we ever did was smile uncomfortably at each other and nod.

Now, why don't I like it? Well, for one the cost of living seems to be rising, but the wages aren't. I make "pretty good money for this area" as I'm told by Those Who Know Things. But, even with Scott gone, I am barely squeaking by. Oh, I'm doing okay, not starving or getting final notices or anything. I just wish I didn't have to stretch that dollar so tight. At least I have the comfort in hoping that when Scott gets out, he'll rejoin the workforce and then our plans can get back on track. It's really made me appreciate the truly single moms that do this year in and out. I think knowing this is (hopefully) temporary is what doesn't keep me up at nights.

I'm not unhappy with the decision of moving here almost 2 years ago. I've adjusted to living here and that's all I can do, right?

checking in

2007-04-13T21:42:00.000-07:00

My heart has unhardened. I have finally reached a point where I can no longer be angry with Scott. To do so would turn me into something bitter. And I don't want to go there.

My nights are lonely. I miss him the most while watching "our shows." But, it's not too bad. I do get to sleep in the middle of the bed. And I don't have to share the remote. There's a silver lining to every cloud.

I've started another blog. So, I'll probably be writing there more than here. Which actually, even if I wrote only once a month over there, it'd still be more than what I've done here.

I just figured out that I can blog from work. For some reason the old computer I was sitting at wouldn't let me pull up dashboard. So, the possibilities just became clear. Now, I have something to occupy my time when I'm supposed to be working.

bad blogger

2007-03-22T20:00:00.000-07:00

Well hello!

I've seem to have forgotten all about you. Thanks Leah for asking like what, a month ago how I was doing? As you can see I'm right on top of answering that.

Things are well. S and I are talking every night. He's in jail, waiting for transport to take him to his diversionary program. It's a program geared towards alcoholic criminals, which is what S is now. A criminal. Hmmm, sounds pretty bad, right?

Anyway. We are talking and that's good. I'm not 100% sure where our marriage is headed, but that's okay for right now. He's where he needs to be and I'm learning how strong I am every day.

The girls are great. We've settled into a nice routine. I have awesome babysitters, so that helps a lot. Lexie is s stubborn almost 3 year old (she'll be 3 on Saturday, gasp!). Refuses to potty train, so I leave her alone on that. I figure she knows what to do, and she'll do it when she's ready. Emmie is a spit-fire. Full blown attack of the Terrible Twos. I want to hug her one minute and strangle her the next. Toddlers are such fun.

So there's your update. I'll try to get back on more often, we'll see. I don't want to make promises.

Whoa

2006-12-13T20:09:00.000-08:00

So, I guess your life falling apart really makes you kick ass at the work place. Or is that just me? I'm seriously rocking the job scene right now and am loving it. My supervisor told me today that she appreciated that I could leave my life crap at the door. Hmmm, this is a first for me. I'm usually blubbering and sniffing to anyone near by. Yay me.

Things still going well. Though I have realized that if I don't do the dishes, they aren't magically done when I get home. Damn. Same with the laundry and the bathing of the kids and all the stuff you take for granted when there are two adults in the house. So, while I type away here on the good ole' internet, my house looks like a toy, dish, and clothes bomb went off in it.

But, I'm clean, the kids are clean and that should say a lot.

Almost

2006-12-05T20:19:00.000-08:00

Talked to S tonight, he's sorry and so am I. It's strange how empowering standing upfor myself and the kids feels. I feel almost elated, like a huge rock has been lifted from my load. I told him he needs to fix himself, for himself not me, and then maybe we can work on us.

Honestly, I don't know if I even want to do that anymore. I also was afraid to be alone again. But, now that I'm here, it's not so bad. I try not to think too far downthe road though, otherwise I freak myself out.

I miss him, but not what he has become. Looking back, I can almost pinpoint when the trouble started. I was pregnant with Lexie. He started smoking pot and spending our money almost faster than he made it. When Lexie was about 4 months old, he got better. Then, bam I'm pregnant with Emmie and shit hits the fan again. There were bouts of the old S here and there, but the spiral had begun and just kept building momentum.

I lied to a lot of people back then. A lot of people and even myself. Everything was "fine" all the time. I didn't want anyone knowing, not even my online friends on the mommy boards. It was like I would have to admit I was a loser for staying with him if they knew. Even when I finally opened up to the online girls (my pseudo-friends, LOL) I kept so much back, afraid of the judging. Or maybe I was afraid they would tell me something I needed to hear, but didn't want to face. My real life friends could see more, but never enough to fully understand how bad it had gotten. I told them even less because it's easier to open up to a computer screen. It was like once the lies started, I couldn't stop them and everything was so "fine" that I had built a nice wall of fine around me.

S left me broke. Funny how just two days of binge drinking can drain on account. Luckily, I have a separate account, and it even had a few hundred in it. Imagine that. Just enough to get my power paid and put food on the table until payday. It's like I knew this was coming. Which I guess I did.

I feel weird not tiptoeing around, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because, hey! It did. And it wasn't as painful or devastating as I thought it would be when that shoe clattered to the ground. Must have been one of those fuzzy slippers you see on sale at the local WalMart. Those are pretty tacky and I think they only go with Muumuus, but I digress...ahem, where was I?

Oh yeah. So, I've been "single" for 48 hours now, and I feel fine.

Almost.

I'm not dead, but feeling that way just the same

2006-12-03T17:29:00.000-08:00

My marriage is over.

Those are four words I never thought I'd be saying. The other five are I don't love you anymore. Strange that I've said them both repeatedly in the past 24 hours. Strange too is how I do still love him, but can't, and won't, love his behavior or personality.

He's drinking again. And for once, I'm sticking to my guns and going through with what I told him I would last time he drank. He's shocked, I'm sad. Being a grown up sucks.

The kids are fine and it will probably take them a few days to understand that daddy may not be coming back. For good this time.

babies

2006-08-05T09:46:00.000-07:00

they aren't really babies anymore, sniff sniff. When did they grow up so fast? When did they get so big?

I'm having a bout of baby fever. We had a pregnancy "scare" here last week (I was 6 days late, but started right after taking the test....argh), and since then I have been thinking about babies. Scary.

S is all for it. He so badly wants a boy, but doesn't care either way; he just wants another baby. Me? Well, in theory another sounds great. Then I get to thinking about how much work is involved, and how tired I still am. The girls are sleeping great, but I'm not. I still get up twice a night. I want some "normal" sleep to happen first before throwing another infant in the mix.

Besides, the girls are becoming best friends. I don't know what having another kid would do to that. I know they would all get along. But, do I want to change the dynamics like that?

So many questions.

fried

2006-08-01T15:28:00.000-07:00

my brain, it's dead.

Really.

This work training is killing me. What with all the learning, and the typing, and the searching for codes I don't even know the meaning of.

And if anyone tells me I need a cover page on my TPS report I am so setting fire to the building.*

*Office Space....best.movie.ever.

Confession

2006-07-23T21:02:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I start my new job, and can I tell you how excited I am? Because I am; very much so.

I've been a stay at home mother (SAHM) and housewife for three long years. And here comes the confession....I fucking hate it. I love my husband and I love my kids, but all day, every day? No, not so much.

Living here in hick town I've noticed a cult-like mentality regarding staying home with the kids. Every woman I meet does it. I have yet to meet a working mom and I'm feeling a little like a fish out of water. Hell, at my job interview the manager seemed surprised to have me there once she learned I had kids. What is up with that?

In these past three years I've learned a lot about myself. I hate housework, I hate kids TV, and I hate being the sole person-in-charge of my kids daily activities. I love playing with the girls, but stretching that into 12 hour days is killing me. I'm lazy by nature and would love nothing more to lounge around all day reading a trashy novel. But, that doesn't go over very well when you have two monkeys trying to climb out the living room windows. It's crazy.

I love my kids, don't get that wrong. There isn't anything I would NOT do for them. I love teaching them new things and watching their faces when they see something for the first time. I have loved being the one to witness their first words, their first steps, cutting that first tooth. But, mommy needs a break. Preferably a paid break where I sit in an airconditioned room for 8 hours talking with real live grown ups.

Tomorrow I embark on that break. I'm nervous, excited and wondering if I should feel guilty about not feeling sad that I'll be leaving my darling little ones with their auntie.

Blabberings

2006-07-19T14:28:00.000-07:00

Well, PotW doesn't seem to be getting off to the jumping start I thought it would. Why, I thought the bloggers would be arriving in droves. Ha, I think I need something a little more substantial than three readers to be considered as the blogging giant I seem to think I am. At least my self-esteem is in a healthy place.

Speaking of healthy, this diet sucks ass. Big time. Where is my soda? My crackers? My chocolate??? I'm really starting to resent S for basically doing what I asked him to. You know motivate me and shit. But, damn. Why does he have to snatch the cookies out of my hand in the grocery store? Can't I just bring them home and snuggle with the package. You know, late at night as I die from hunger.

In other news, we have a turtle living with us. His name is Rigby, which was short for Eleanor Rigby until my sister found out her girl turtle has a penis. I'm not quite sure why he's living here and not at her house, but I've learned to just nod and smile and go along with whatever my crazy family says. Lord knows they've done it enough for me.

Picture of the Week

2006-07-16T17:38:00.000-07:00

I'm going to try out some new weekly installs here. So, Sunday will be "Picture of the Week" Pretty self explanatory, but if you are completely lost, I don't know what to tell you.

So....drumroll please! Tada, here is the first installment of "PotW"

Tree-Hugging (okay, she's actually kissing the tree) Hippee

A poop in the hand is worth two in the potty

2006-07-13T13:22:00.000-07:00

Sitting about on a lazy afternoon, my offspring and I were actually enjoying this 90 degree weather no one told me Idaho had. The kiddie pool was filled, the sprinklers were doing their thing, I was happy as a lark, lounging in a newly purchased lawnchair, thank you Mr. WalMart.

Sure, you kids can have your diapers off, I thought. It's hot, and I am far too lazy to go get those swim diapers. Plus, did you see how much they cost? No way am I about to waste them here, in the privacy of our own back yard. Despite believing it when I was five, money does not grow on trees.

Suddenly, Emmie is filled with excitement. She's toddling over to me, huge grin affixed to her face, clutching her newly-found treasure. "MAMA," she cries, holding it out for me. I reach out, open my hand to her and wait patiently for her to share the wonder.

Squish. What the...? What in the hell is that?!?!? Oh. My. God. It's poop. My kid just handed me poop? And it smells like...blueberries? What the hell? Oh yeah, she ate a bunch for breakfast.

Thanks Emmie. Thanks a lot.

So many changes, yet I'm still the same

2006-07-11T13:24:00.000-07:00

I've decided to break back into the blogging world. I hope there are a few of you still out there...hello?

Hello?

Ahem, anyway. Things have definitely changed around here. Some good, some bad, some still undecided. I start a real-life job in two weeks. I had to come back here for that. Now, everyone will get to read about my co-workers and how much I hate my boss. Should be fun.

Casa de Austin is still going strong. S is out of work, due to some criminal activity on his part. Seems his boss had a problem with S sitting in jail for six weeks. I don't know why (insert eyeroll here). That's something we are still dealing with. The trial is in October. I get to testify! Don't worry, I'll give you all a lowdown on my thoughts about attorneys and judges, and lying witnesses soon.

Lexie and Emmie and toddlers. Agh, I have two toddlers. They are learning to play (and fight) together. It's very cute. Lexie has been going to speech therapy and it's really paying off. Her vocabulary has taken off in this last month and I can now almost understand her 80% of the time. Emmie is a climbing monkey, up and onto everything. It's a real workout watching these two.

And me? Well I'm just fine, thanks for asking. Started a diet/exercise plan yesterday and already hate it. But, when I saw the number the scale spit at me, I knew it was time for change.

I'll be back

2006-04-04T19:46:00.000-07:00

I'm taking a hiatus from blogging for a while. Don't worry, I'll be back. Though maybe some of you would be happier if I didn't...kidding. That's just the martyr in me talking. She's cranky.

Anyway, some things are going down in my real life and I need to focus on them. I'll fill you all in someday.

By the way. Emmie is now officially sleeping through the night. Thank the Lord in the heavens, I never thought that day would come.

Max

2006-03-29T10:54:00.000-08:00

I just got off the phone with my father. Their 8 year old Welsh Corgi was just diagnosed with lymphoma and will be going to the big dog park in the sky in about 20 minutes.

I'm still crying. I loved that dog. I was living with my dad when he and my step-mom brought that yappy, silly puppy home. He was tiny. Fully grown, he most resembled an ottoman. I've been searching my photos looking for one, but of course can't find any.

My dad is pretty shook up, I think. He's a big guy, very manly man but I heard the pain in his voice. I can still hear my dad singing, "bang, bang Maxwell's silver hammer" to him while feeding Max scraps of cheese and whatever else. That dog will eat anything.

Rest in peace Maxy. You'll be out of pain soon.

Happy birthday Bug-a-Boo

2006-03-27T09:18:00.000-08:00

Click HERE for Lexie's birthday party photos.

you've got a friend in me

2006-03-22T17:25:00.000-08:00

I'm so frustrated right now. I have all these ideas and thoughts floating around in that great expanse formerly known as my brain, yet I can't seem to get any of them down on paper, or in this case onto the computer screen.

I started this blog as a way to work on my writing. Not that I'm saying my writing is all that great, I know it pales when compared to others, but I have always enjoyed it as a past-time and as a way to vent my feelings. Now, I feel like a bottle of soda that's been shaken. Either my top is going to fly off and all of my contents will burst forth, making a complete mess, or the fizz will let up and I'll be left flat and tasting pretty gross...wait, I forgot I'm not actually a soda, scratch that last part.

It's not that I don't have the time to devote to this pleasure of mine. Time I have, it's the drive I'm lacking. As soon as I sit down at this old computer desk my mind wanders and I start clicking here and googling there, coming up with a million different excuses as to why I'm not writing. A favorite of mine is that people read this site now (hi all 5 of you!!!), but I keep a journal (written with real ink on real paper) and no one reads that, yet I don't write in it either. My last entry there was in November! A lot of this writer's block, if you will, stems from my lack of a life. You can't write if you don't have anything to write about, right?

So, I'm looking for a new hobby. I'm also looking for a few friends. I haven't mentioned it here yet, but since moving to Idaho I've learned what lonely is. I hang out with my sister and mother a lot. The sister is okay, but my mom? She has even mentioned that it's time for me to meet someone my own age. I have met a few other moms with kids, and we've done the phone number exchange, now I'm just waiting. Do I make the first call? Do I wait for them to call me?

Why, oh why, does this feel like dating? Seriously, I don't know how many times I've picked up the phone to call one of these woman, only to throw the phone down and back away shaking my head. I have an unnatural fear of rejection and play out many not-so-pretty scenarios in my head. You know, they laugh at me, or don't know who the heck I am, or flat out say I'm not cool enough to hang with them. Now, really the sensible side of me knows these things will probably not happen. But, there's that pessimistic side of me that thinks, Yes! They can and will! You are a loser, Christina, don't bother. Ugh.

I'm a pretty cool person, I think. I mean I get dressed in clothes that match, I shower regularly, and I brush my teeth twice a day. So, I should be able to make friends, right? God, I hope so.

now that's just sad

2006-03-20T12:35:00.000-08:00

Do you know what it's like to get so excited to see that Adrien Brody is in The Village that you watch eagerly, breathlessly awaiting his arrival on your small television screen? Only to have all those dreams squashed when you slowly realize that the freak with the long hair, the character you and your husband just spent 5 minutes making fun of, is actually your Hollywood crush.

Now that's some good acting right there.

sleep damnit

2006-03-19T21:37:00.000-08:00

you know what I want more than anything? A full night's sleep. Is that too much to ask?

Emmie is still waking at night. She's averaging twice nightly and I know she waits until I'm in deep sleep mode. It's like she can tell when I'm finally getting some much needed rest, and for some reason this pisses her off. I am so freaking tired. I don't know what to do.

I've tried everything. Cry-it-out, rocking, pacing the halls...everything. All that works is giving into her wants and letting her have a bottle. Which I know she doesn't need, because I can give her like 3 sips and she's out again.

I recently tried the trick of just giving her water. You know what she did? She threw the bottle at me. What the heck? I didn't even know she had that kind of muscle control. So, that didn't work either.

I'm at the end of my rope. Any suggestions?

some damn good advice

2006-03-18T18:00:00.000-08:00

NY Post has some good parenting advice for our dear Brit*ney Spears

stuff

2006-03-15T14:59:00.000-08:00

would it be wrong to make a large cage and keep my children in it?

Really?

Because it sounds really great to me.

Lexie is a monkey. There is nothing she can't and won't climb. Poor child has had almost all of her toys taken away. She's lost a stuffed bear for heaven's sake! A stuffed bear that, when in the hands of Lexie, became a stepping stool to get S's cigarettes off the kitchen counter. I just know it's a matter of days until I catch er smoking. She's smart enough to figure it out, I know it.

Emmie is now in cruising mode. Actually, it's more like cruising and grabbing things mode. No drink or snack are safe. She's knocked over coffee, soda, cake and tuna n' noodles. You'd think that by the second child S and I would have learned to not eat off of the coffee table, but no. We're as bad as the kids are.

We've had to separate the girls and give them each their own room. I thought this day would come much further down the road, like when they were teenagers. But, with all the bedtime problems Lexie has been having, Emmie is now getting her own troubles. So, yesterday I broke my back and taught Lexie some cool words (like shit!) and got Emmie all set up in what used to be the office. I swear, her crib hates me. And the feeling is mutual. I haven't curse that much since I broke a bone.
Emmie slept like a rock last night, while Lexie threw her usual 45 minute temper tantrum. Someday I'll get some peace and quiet.

I'm now understanding why so many moms are alcoholics now.

caged monkey

2006-03-14T13:31:00.000-08:00

celebrity snark

2006-03-10T20:09:00.000-08:00

I'm going to try something new. Every Friday I'll post some celebrity snark. I'm trying to get myself back into the blogging routine, and I figure this is a good way to start.

So, here is the first official snark. A comparison if you will:

I can't be the only one who thinks Donatella Versace looks suspiciously like Janice from The Muppets, can I?

baby!

2006-03-09T23:23:00.000-08:00

hop on over to Linda's site and congratulate her on the birth of her beautiful daughter Morgan Elizabeth!

I'm at a loss folks

2006-03-04T21:37:00.000-08:00

You know what's a lot of fun? Spending five hours at the mall with your almost-two-year-old while she has meltdown after meltdown.

Sigh. This toddler-hood and terrible twos and everything is really wearing me down. I can't win. She throws a fit if we stay home, throws one if we go out. And these fits are never over anything good. Noooo! Today she threw a fit because I tied her shoe. The horror. I need my mommy license revoked for that abuse.

What's really wearing me down is her temper TANTRUMS thrown at bedtime. We'll tell her "time to go night night" and she's cool. She's even cool during the obligatory goodnight hugs and kisses. But, once we cross the threshold of her room all hell breaks lose. There is much screaming, much crying, much head banging. Every, Single. Night.

I don't know what to do. It sucks even more because she and Emmie share a room. It took us a week (a WEEK!) to figure out that maybe we should put Emmie to sleep in another room and wait until Lexie's fit has run it's course before putting her in her own crib. Because why have one crabby child when you can have two.

I know I'm not supposed to, but I compare Emmie's "good" behavior to Lexie's "bad" all the time. She's an angel, a peach! But, until today I had forgotten that so was Lexie at 9 months age. Hell, Lexie was a peach until about a month ago. It's like she's taken the fast track to teenage angst. Everything is "mama...Mama...MAMA!" If she could roll her eyes and sigh in exasperation so would.

progress report

2006-03-01T16:17:00.000-08:00

warning: silly rant starting in...

3

2

1

you know what's been irking me for a while? Mascara commercials, that's what. I mean, they don't even try anymore, you can totally tell those women are wearing falsies. Like the one with Eva Men*dez, it's so obvious. With all the technology we have today, couldn't they be more subtle about it? sigh...

Sorry my posts have been lacking lately. I started a my*space account and was addicted to searching for the "perfect" template for it. I go through the same thing with blogger too, looking at page after page of template designs until my eyes cross and I've got carpal tunnel from access mouse clicking. I should be back to posting here more regularly, given that no more message boards come my way.

Lexie has become obsessed with Cinderella, or Rella as she calls it. S and I can quote the enite movie for you if you'd like.

"Cinderelli, cinderelli. Day and night it's Cinderelli!"

It's rather cute though. She lays right under the TV, watching intently, refusing even to play outside while it's on. Makes cleaning up easier when you child is a zombie, so I'm happy about this.

Emmie is pulling herself up! We were starting to get worried, because she seemed so content to just lie on her back or belly all day long. Then in a two day span, she learned to sit up from a lying down position, and then pull herself up onto anything and everything. Go Emmie!

new links

2006-02-23T09:45:00.000-08:00

if you'll take the time to glance over to the right, you'll notice two new links.

The first is an awesome parent-vent spot, paRANTing.net it's where I go to be a bitchy momma.

The second is a list of 50 things you never wanted to know about me. Enjoy.

baby it's cold outside

2006-02-17T11:02:00.000-08:00

Turn on our local news and you are hit with a barrage of barely-hanging-onto-their-panic newscasters, warning us that the "ARCTIC CHILL IS UPON US!" One weatherman even went as far as to say that, "we're experiencing temperatures of biblical proportions." Really? Because I must have been sleeping during the Blizzard of Jerusalem story in Sunday school.

Really though, it's pretty chilly out. As I type, my handy-dandy, nailed-to-the-outside-post thermometer tells me it's about 9 degrees out. Throw in the wind chill factor and we're looking at below zero temps, people. Brrrrr.

What's the deal with the wind chill factor anyway? Why can't they (the weather powers that be) factor this chill in and just say that the temperature will be -11. And really, after you hit about 20 degrees or so, can anyone really tell the difference in cold? I didn't think so.

My kids and I are going a little stir crazy. I mean, you can only bundle up and walk around WalMart so many times, right? We pass by abandoned playgrounds, wistfully gazing out the car window, really missing that California sunshine. Soon, I tell Lexie, soon you will be able to see green grass and run as far as those chubby little toddler legs can carry you.

criminal

2006-02-13T11:05:00.000-08:00

pssst.

over here.

I said PSSST, internet. Wanna know a secret?

I'm a wanted woman. Really!

And by wanted, I mean by the county courts of Kent, Washington. Seems this little blogger has a warrant out for her arrest. Yes, I will hang my head in shame now.

Seems back in the day when I was partying like a rock star I got caught shoplifting. How I could forget something like that? I don't know. But, it's true. My bestest rock star-like buddy and I got caught stealing bathing suits and sun glasses. From Sears, of all places. I was 19.

Looking back, I can now remember some of the hazy details. It was summer, unbelievably hot out and we wanted to go swimming. But alas, all the drugs we had been doing had caused us to lose too much weight. Our old suits just didn't fit. What's a drugged up hippy to do? Why pick up something new, using the old five-fingered-discount, that's what. Stupid. So stupid.

See kids, this is why drugs are bad. Not only do they rot away your brain, they cause you fits of uncontrollable stupidity where bad ideas seem great.

How did I find out about the warrant? Good question. Seems the pesky legal trouble made itself known during a routine back ground check for this house S and I wanted to rent. This was back in August. They just called Friday to let us know we couldn't rent. Thanks buddy for that timely response.

I've made some calls and found out that I need to write the judge and beg for him to take pity on me and let me deal with this out-of-state. The nice clerk I spoke with said the judges are usually lenient on first time offenders, especially if said offenders grovel. Maybe she didn't say that, but that's what I heard and that's what I'm going to do. Grovel like I've never groveled before.

I hope this doesn't make any of you think worse of me than you already did. I'm taking the opportunity to use this to my advantage. See, I'm more like a rock star now than I was before. I'm a hardened criminal. Just please don't make me do time.

rambling on and on

2006-02-11T13:59:00.000-08:00

-is it wrong that I not-so-secretly hope that Brad and Angelina's baby is ugly?

-I not-so-secretly hope that Paula Abdul falls off her chair every time I watch American Idol.

-Don't you think that after 10 freakin' seasons of Survivor, one of those loser contestants would come on the show and know how to make FIRE without needing the flint. I mean, hello, did no one watch Brat Camp where teenager, angry and mean teenagers, learned how to make the sparks using rocks, string and twigs. Jeez.

-What is going on with Locke on LOST? I know that shifty baldy is up to something.

-Speaking of LOST...why do I scream at the TV while watching it?

-Why is the Bachelor still on? This is the most pathetic show I've ever seen. How desperate do you have to be to compete in this one?

-Why do I watch so much TV?

-Why don't I have a life?

-Why does Lexie have to ask me what everything is when we go to the grocery store?

-Why am I asking so many why questions?

dial up

2006-02-09T09:21:00.000-08:00

well, here I am. Blogging away in the comforts of my own home. The only drawback? Dial-up. Can we say slow?

I actually had internet access two days ago, but with how hinky the connection has been, I've been cramming in more time on my mommy-bitch board than on blogs. I know, I know...I'm sorry. I promise to read and comment soon.

My poor Emmie's butt is all aflame. Seems she had some nasty diarrhea in the night and it burned her tender tushy. I cry right along with her during diaper changes. Poor honey.

Lexie's good. Into EVERYTHING. In fact, as I type this I can hear her trying to get the DVDs off the entertainment center. Ha, good luck with that. Seriously, poor girl has had anything climbable banished to the back patio. She is super quick and will climb anything and everything to get what she wants. AGH.

I'm good. I hurt my knee sitting down on my bed. Explain that one to me.

S is good. Working, working and working some more.

So that's a progress report for you. Now, off I go.

Super Sunday

2006-02-05T17:44:00.000-08:00

well, half-time has come and gone and the 'Hawks are sucking ass. Go team.

I hate football. Not the game itself, but the way S becomes this slack-jaw, obscenity-yelling moron who can't seem to hear a word I say. But, I do love the commercials during the game. None stick out so far, but there's still have a game left. That P. Diddy one sucked major balls, does anyone disagree? What a self-serving ass-hat he is.

Sorry it's been so long since my last post. S went to Montana to visit his grandparents and then Emmie came down with a double ear infection. Fun times were had by mommy at Casa de Austin. Sometimes being the mommy sucks. I was so tired after two days of sitting up with a sniffling, crying Emmie that I wanted to pull my hair out and run down the street naked.

Well, not much else is happening. I'm super happy to announce that we may be getting internet and cable again very soon. It seems having kids really pays off at tax time. We're getting a huge amount back and plan on buying an older car and getting rid of this new one that is sucking us dry. That alone will free up about $400-$500 a month. I can't wait! And I know you all can't either.

how much longer?

2006-01-21T19:28:00.000-08:00

slowly but surely we are getting caught up with life. What really sucks is both S and I are instant gratification seekers. So, when the plan to cut back on everything and pay off our debt first came into play, we were both gung ho. Now, it's been two weeks, two whole weeks, yet it feels like nothing has happened.

Um maybe because nothing has happened, I know that's what you all are saying. And you are right. It's just that with the gratification affliction we suffer from, we were expecting instant results. This was a six to twelve month plan, how in the hell will we survive?

Books. That's how. I'm averaging two per week, while S, the lazy bum, is averaging about one. Never mind the fact that I'm home all day and he's at work, he should be able to read circles around me. What, with all his bragging of speed reading and all. I was expecting numerous daily trips to the library. But alas, he's been on the same novel since Sunday people.

Ahem, can you sense the insanity that is setting in?

Library

2006-01-09T18:01:00.000-08:00

So, I'm sitting here at the local library praying the people sitting on either side of me don't look over and read what I'm typing (YES, YOU. YOU OVER THERE. THE TWENTYSOMETHING GUY LOOKING AT PORN, DON'T THINK I CAN'T TELL). Anyway, this is fun. I feel like I'm back in high school. So, when I said fun, I meant the kind of fun you can get yanking your fingernails out.

I've been without internet now for about a week. I haven't died yet, but I've come close. The days seem to stretch before me, and I can only clean the house so many times. It's funny though. Now that we are without internet and cable, the house is cleaner. Coincidence? I think not. Also, the kids know what I look like. No longer do they think mommy has a chair surgically grafted to her fat ass. It all feels so early eighties.

I had to go to a bridal convention with my sister and mother this past weekend. The only good thing to come out of it was all the free samples of cake and stuff we got to eat. Who on earth would spend $8000 on a hotel for a reception? Really, because I want to meet you. Damn! It was funny, they had this one bar company there where you could sign up for them to cater your wedding and as incentive they had two HOT, young, shirtless guys there. I was so flustered. One of them asked me how I was doing and I could only giggle. GIGGLE! Like I was some grade school geek. I wanted to die.

Well, my time here at the public computer is almost up. I have many blogs and sites to visit, so this is the end of my post. Later.

oops

2006-01-04T09:20:00.000-08:00

well, this is just a post to let you all know that my entries may be few and far between. S and I have decided to turn our internet connection off. Agh, it's like cutting my right arm off.

This is temporary. Just until we're back on track, financially. Seems that having kids is expensive. Wish someone had told me that before I decided to have two. Kidding, kidding! I love my girls and wouldn't trade them for all the internet service in the world. You all should be proud that I've chosen food, diapers, and clothing over entertainment. Hey, look at me! I'm a grown up.

The local library here does offer internet usage, so you know where I'll be any chance I get. I'm pretty certain I'll have access to the blog world. So, keep up those blogs people, I'll be reading.

Oh yeah! I almost forgot. S and I had so much fun last night. We stuffed ourselves silly and then spent an hour at Toy R Us, only to buy a DVD for the girls. S's dad had given us a gift certificate to there, and figured since we were close by, might as well spend it. Lexie is more than happy that we've added yet another DVD to her Baby Einstein collection.

date night

2006-01-03T10:57:00.000-08:00

tonight I get to eat a meal in a restaurant with my honey. But that's not the best part. Nope, the best part is the kids are staying home! Hoorah!

A whole meal without any food spit or thrown at me, no temper tantrums over vegetables. No searching for the binkie someone threw across the room. And a real conversation without having to try and decipher what my speaking partner is saying*.

This should be fun. And special thanks to My Grandma Jefferies for the gift card to Black Angus. In the words of Lexie, "mmmmm Ummy!"

*what the hell does, "blah bah, psth, maa mah bye bye" mean anyway?

am I ready?

2006-01-01T23:30:00.000-08:00

2006 seems to have gotten here way faster than I was prepared for. Where the hell did 2005 go? I remember laughing at my mother when she would tell me that time speeds up the older you get. Little did I know...

I'm ready for '06 to be my year. I'm probably tempting fates here, but since '05 brought many a disaster my way, I'm thinking from here on out it's smooth sailing. Ugh, excuse me while I go hide under a rock and wait for the fates to pass me by.

Really though. How can this year go wrong? I'm 900 miles away from my mother-in-law and my father. I get to live 15 minutes from my mom and two of my sisters. Hell, I live in a state that actually has four seasons. So long monotonous weather of California.

Here's to you 2006. Please don't piss on my parade.

fun with play-doh

2005-12-30T14:25:00.000-08:00

As a mom, I rock. I made (from scratch) this awesome play-doh for Lexie. But, the little booger is afraid of it! What the hell? How can you be afraid of play-doh.

Well, no need to fear. Mommy has found a way to have fun with the stuff:

do you have to go now?

2005-12-28T13:41:00.000-08:00

We have decided to brave the potty-training front here at Casa de Austin. All participants are gung-ho at this point, but we'll see...

Actually, we've gotten as far as purchasing the potty seat and showing Lexie where it goes in the bathroom. She knows it's a potty, knows to sit on it sans pants, and even knows to wipe her (so cute) tush with TP and then wave bye-bye to it as we flush it down the toilet. The only factor missing? Why, the actual going potty. But I have faith we'll get there...eventually.

what was I thinking?

2005-12-27T15:11:00.000-08:00

Will someone please tell me why I just wasted two horrific hours watching You Got Served?*

*I'll admit it, I was watching for the skanky Kevin Federline. I have some strange facination with him and his whore-bride Britney.

don't get too comfortable

2005-12-23T14:04:00.000-08:00

I'm playing around with some new templates. The old one kinda gave me a headache. All those feet...{{shudder}}.

So, bear with me, I'm liable to change my mind. A lot. Any input is greatly appreciated.

Later.

a year in review

2005-12-19T13:58:00.000-08:00

I got this off of LINDA. It is a look at the last year in review. The idea is to post the first sentence from the first post of each month and review how your last year went. So here I go...

January: Finally, the little bugger decided to cut her first tooth. And get this...It's her top tooth. Leave it to my child to be abnormal and cut her teeth backwards.

February: to let you all know. IT'S A GIRL. They are "almost 100%" sure.

March: If you've seen any weather reports recently on the "wonderful" state of California, then you know we have had rain, rain, and then some more rain. The last couple of days though, there has been this bright shining object in the sky. It's bright out and warm. I think it's the sun, but I haven't seen it since last summer so I am not too sure.

April: So I bought some Nair and let S have his ways with my bushes...er, I mean legs. I think he enjoyed it too much, I kept having to yell, "don't rub it in. You aren't supposed to rub it in!" And, damn if the crap worked.

May: Yes, folks. I am a grumpy pregnant woman. Watch out.

June: Omgod, I cannot, no really cannot, stand this shedevil any longer. She has pulled the last straw. I guess she's now angry with me and talking smack about me to anyone who will listen because I a) haven't returned her phone call (because like, duh, I just had a baby) and b) I haven't called her for help. And she knows I need help because, and I quote, "no one can raise two kids that young by themselves."

July: Yesterday was S's birthday. He is now 33 years old. Good Lord, I'm married to a mid-thirties man. I'm almost thirty! When did I get this old. I remember thinking 25 was almost dead (granted I was like 15 when I thought this). I don't feel old.

August: Well, here I am pounding away at my mother's computer, wondering if this was the right move. Of course I know it was, but S and I have been questioning our sanity for the last couple of days. All we can do is trust that all will be well.

September: I've never really thought about how my family appears to people outside our "circle." But, living with them with S, he has given me some new insight. We are a ditzy bunch. Not ditzy dumb, just ditzy.

October: Breastfeeding isn't going so well here in Casa de Austin. It hasn't for about 2 months now and I think my job is to blame. See, the first month I was a good mom and pumped when I got home from work so Emmie could have breast milk. Then, well then I just went all lazy and decided one bottle of formula wouldn't kill her.

November: I'm off for a few days. I'm heading over to Seattle with my parents, sisters, and kids to see Sir PAUL McCARTNEY in concert. That's right, I'm going to see a real live Beatle. I'm just so excited I could plotz.

December: You know what makes for a great Monday morning? No, not breakfast on bed. Nope, not hot love-making with your husband either. I'll tell you. It's waking up to find that your toilet has runneth over and now your bathroom and hallway are looking like a scene out of THE POSIEDON ADVENTURE. Luckily, there wasn't a Shelley Winters crying about not knowing how to swim.

don't mind the smell

2005-12-18T19:53:00.000-08:00

well, my house smells just lovely. A dash of poo, some puke and an overlaying scent of Spot Shot. Heavenly.

The flu seems to have finally rid itself of us. My god, it was horrible. My poor husband, having to wade through dirty dishes, unclean clothes and having to listen to not only whining children, but a piss-poor patient...me!

I am the worst sick person ever. I whine. I cry. I throw things. It's not pretty. I can't help it, and besides it feels so much better to act like a giant baby. I figure I'm cheerful enough while I'm healthy. Let me be a bitch during illness.

Thankfully, this flu wasn't long lasting and the bitch fest only lasted two days. So, I'm back and feeling human.

Just in time to cram the rest of that shopping in...

just do this

2005-12-12T08:33:00.000-08:00

As George Carlin once said, "Vuja De...the feeling that this has never happened before."

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't *speak* often, please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL MEMORY OF YOU AND ME. It can be anything you want--good or bad--BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE. When you're finished, post this paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people DON'T ACTUALLY remember about you. No excuses, OK?

Please participate...I stole this from someone, but am too lazy to link.

where's the beef?

2005-12-07T12:42:00.000-08:00

I was just reading some of my archived posts. You know, I used to be kinda funny. What the hell happened? This blog sure went to shit, don't you think? Is my life that mundane that I can't possibly find anything of humor to write about?

Sure, the toilet re-creating a scene from Titanic made for a chuckle, but where's the heart in that post? Do I really think you all care about me having to wade down the hallway? Could this all be because I am menstruating and suffering from the worst cramps ever and ever, amen?

I've thought this over and realized that nope, my life hasn't been very funny lately. It's been, dare I say it, pretty much normal. What gives? I think it's me. I used to laugh at everything. Now, with little to no sleep and two screaming brats...er, I mean kids, there isn't much to laugh at. And it's making my writing crap.

I'm not saying I was ever that great of a writer. But, I got a point across, and I like to think that point was filled with a laugh or two.

I promise you, my loyal readers, I promise to insert some funny into this here little blog.

Starting tomorrow....

In the water I'm a very skinny lady.

2005-12-05T10:28:00.000-08:00

You know what makes for a great Monday morning? No, not breakfast on bed. Nope, not hot love-making with your husband either. I'll tell you. It's waking up to find that your toilet has runneth over and now your bathroom and hallway are looking like a scene out of THE POSIEDON ADVENTURE. Luckily, there wasn't a Shelley Winters crying about not knowing how to swim.

So...yeah. Seems my little habit of not flushing the toilet during my many nocturnal bathroom visits is what caused the commode back flow. Whoops. Luckily, we are the proud owners of one much used shop-vac. Unfortunately, it's in my mother's garage. It should be arriving soon. Please, let it arrive soon.

So that's that. A fine howdoyoudo Monday. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to find some hip-boots.

new look

2005-12-02T09:27:00.000-08:00

a couple of you have made comments on my new look. Thanks! And DOTTIE asked me how I did it.

Well, I have no idea how to explain what I did. I'm pretty much an idiot when it comes to all things computer-related. The design of the template was made by someone else, I just happened to find it and after much swearing, made it my own. The original background picture was a rose, but I figured out where in the template to put a picture link, so that's how the picture of S's hand and Emmie's foot got on there.

Anyway, I got a little carried away "cleaning house" and deleted that picture from my photobucket account. So, after much swearing and "hold your foot still, so I can snap a photo" I was able to upload the new picture (of Emmie's foot). I then figured out how to make it look like wallpaper instead of the single photo, after much swearing, of course.

Thanks for the compliments anyway, sorry I can't dazzle you with geek-speak.

yo quiero Navidad

2005-12-01T10:51:00.000-08:00

first snow

2005-11-30T12:27:00.000-08:00

it's the most wonderful time of the year

2005-11-29T10:12:00.000-08:00

The Christmas season is upon us. Joy to the shopping experience! I'm pretty excited for Lexie this year. I think she's going to love all that "Santa" brings her. Emmie, I think, couldn't care less. Just give that baby something to drool on and she's happy.

Thanksgiving was nice. I ate too much as usual. We went out with my dad the night after the big turkey day and I ate too much again. And, I drank wine. Red, glorious, delicious wine. One glass had me feeling tipsy, so my dreams of drunken debauchery didn't come to pass. That's okay. The knowledge that I could drink as much as I wanted was enough for me.

All in all, it's shaping up to be a great holiday season.

thankful

2005-11-24T09:46:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting here waiting for S to wake his lazy butt up. Doesn't he realize that today is the national "stuff yourself into a come with food" holiday? I've been up for hours, counting down until we can go over to my mom's. I plan on doing some major turkey grubbing this year.

This is the first Thanksgiving in three years that I get to enjoy. 2002 was a bust, I suffered my second miscarriage and had a D&C the day before. Not fun. 2003 I was pregnant with Lexie and suffering from horrid morning sickness, and it was all I could do not to gag at the sight of the turkey. 2004 was a repeat of that only this time I was knocked up with Emmie. So, this year I am neither a)pregnant, b)breastfeeding or c)on any type of horrible medication that causes severe stomach pain (this was in 2002), so I am totally pigging out and drinking me some liquor. Woohoo liquor (agh, I'm starting to sound like a frat-boy).

Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving everyone. May your stomach become extended, in that totally good way!

bad blogger, go to your room

2005-11-21T08:48:00.000-08:00

I haven't been updating much lately. Not much to say, life is boring. Considering staging an accident just to liven the place up.

I've also been a bad blog reader. I'm sorry I haven't been leaving comments. But, I am still reading so that must count for something.

Well, that's all I wanted to say. Back to my regularly scheduled boredom.

have a giggle

2005-11-16T08:46:00.000-08:00

to make sure my day starts out right, I make sure I get a healthy dose of THIS every morning. Just try and watch that without smiling.

There are places I remember

2005-11-10T09:54:00.000-08:00

I was all set Monday to come on and post about my wonderful weekend in the great state of Washington, but Aunt Flow decided to drop by and wreak havoc on me and my uterus. Oh! The! Cramps! I swear on Tuesday I thought I was in labor again, that's how bad they were.

So, Paul was awesome. Of course. I have to admit here, because I can't to anyone I really know, that I cried a little during his first act. Which I think would have been okay if he had been singing Maybe I'm Amazed or Yesterday or something, not Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Heart Club, sheesh I'm such a 'tard. But really, there I was watching a Beatle sing. To me!!! I loved every freaking moment, even when he dragged Hey Jude on to eternity and back (with viewer participation even). For being 63 years old, he puts on such an awesome show. Makes me a little sad thinking about how anyone these days can put out an album. Paul's from the time in music history where a little thing called talent was a necessity for making it big.

I got to drive around my old hometown and see how much it's changed. Boy, has it! I walked through my high school and got lost, they've totally revamped the entire building. The only recognizable feature to me was the choir room, where I spent many, many hours. The piano is even the same. I ran into the hot PE teacher and he kinda recognized me. I was bummed to hear he's married (always that schoolgirl fantasy), though I think it bummed him out more to learn that I was too...not because of that! Because now he realizes that he is getting old. So am I, for that matter.

All of my old houses look the same. That's comforting to me somehow. Knowing they are still the same, though so much is changing around them makes me think of my life. I still feel the same, but so much has changed since I was that awkward, obnoxious teenager. Seeing all these old places made me proud of who I am. I no longer put so much stock in what others think (god, I was so bad at that in high school). I have always marched to my own beat, but now I do so proudly. As I think everyone should.

want to help?

2005-11-02T10:59:00.000-08:00

If you look over to the right hand side of this here snazzy blog, you will see two new links under the header 'tis the season for giving.

The first is something I just became involved in through my church. They basically fill show boxes full of toys and goodies for children in need around the world!

The second is something I became involved with a few months ago. Basically, it is a pen-pal service for those serving over seas. It's an awesome feeling knowing that my letters are brightening one soldier's day.

So check them out, maybe you'll want to get involved too!

seattle bound

2005-11-01T09:08:00.000-08:00

I'm off for a few days. I'm heading over to Seattle with my parents, sisters, and kids to see Sir PAUL McCARTNEY in concert. That's right, I'm going to see a real live Beatle. I'm just so excited I could plotz.

I'll be back Sunday night. Hopefully with a wonderful story about how Paul agreed to leave his peg-legged bitch of a BRIDE (I don't like her, can you tell?) and begged me to run away with him. I will have thought about it briefly, thinking that maybe with me as his muse he'll start writing some decent songs again (you know LINDA had to have inspired the shit out of him!), but alas will have to break his heart. I just can't give up eating meat, not even for a famous, vegan, ex-Beatle...sigh.

Ummmmmm

2005-10-26T09:47:00.000-07:00

I was reading another woman's blog yesterday and THIS post really hit home.

See, I was never brilliant, but I'm pretty sure I could add 8+6 without having to count on my fingers. And I could have an entire conversation without using the words poop, spit-up or drool. I'm almost afraid to think about how blank my mind will be if I have more kids. I already get caught staring off into space, a glazed look about my face, with a hint of drool starting in the corner of my mouth. And that's what happens when S asks what's for dinner.

As you know, we've moved. It's pretty obvious since I don't know where anything is, who anyone is, and the sights and sounds are completely different. Yet, when asked for my phone number or address I start out strong...with the wrong information. Then there is an uncomfortable bit of time where I hem and haw, trying desperately to remember the new phone number. Then, if that uncomfortable silence drags on too long, I'm stuck wondering what the hell I was trying to remember in the first place. this makes for interesting and entertaining fun for the pizza place worker, I'm sure.

I now understand my mother's ditziness from my growing up. It wasn't her fault. It was mine! Well, I'm sure my three sisters share equal blame, but I am the first born so you know I'll take the brunt of it. What scares me is that now that we are all grown and (almost) moved out of her home, she is still the same. She has this incredible talent for tuning you out. I remember when grocery shopping with her, if I became separated from her and the cart, I would yell "mom!" and every woman in the store would turn and look at me. Every woman, that is, except my mother. She would claim to not have heard me, but I now know the truth. Her brain has forgotten what it's doing, because having children steals your brains. And that's a fact.

*You do not want to know how many words I spelled wrong in this post. I'll let you in on a secret though...most of them weren't the ones you would think.

**ETA: You didn't really think I would keep the spelling errors in, did you? Let's have a moment of silence while Christina rejoices in spellcheck!

My girls

2005-10-21T14:58:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Heather for the website.

Click HERE for video of my girls.

christina's groove

2005-10-18T11:34:00.000-07:00

Today is one of those days that just rocks. The kids are in great moods, I'm in a great mood. Hell, I think the dog is in a great mood (which I know because she didn't leave me any 'presents' in the hall this am). I'm loving me a Tuesday.

I knew I was in mommy/housewife mode when I looked at the clock and saw that it was 9. I woke up at 7:30 and in that hour and a half I: made the beds, picked up the laundry and toys thrown about the house, got dinner started in the good ole' crock pot, made 8 dozen peanut butter cookies, emptied and filled the dishwasher and cleaned both bathrooms. See, I told you I rocked.

Now yesterday was a different story. Classic Monday. It was about 1pm when I finally got dressed. That's also about the time I noticed that Lexie's hair was in her eyes. So, I threw it up into a messy half-pony. Hey, at least she could see! Emmie cried 23 of the 24 available hours in the day. She also spit up more than I fed her, I swear that's how it looked. While searching in the aforementioned laundry piles for a rag, the dog beat me to it and licked up most of the mess. Yuck. Mental note was made: no kisses from Kaya. Dinner was leftovers. Eat at your own risk.

It's amazing how different your days can go when you are a mom. I pretty much do the same thing everyday, but the major difference can be the moods in the house. If Emmie is crying that pretty much means I'm going to be frazzled. It also means Lexie is going to pick that day to learn how to pull her diapers off and fling poo all over her room. But, then Emmie will be smiling, Lexie will actually want to cuddle and I'll be in seventh heaven.

It may seem crazy, and it is, but I love every minute of it. Well, maybe not the minutes spent cleaning bodily waste and fluids up, but you know what I mean.

23rd post

2005-10-17T09:39:00.000-07:00

I have been "tagged".

The instructions were given to me by Linda.

THE RULES
1. Go into your archive.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five other people to do the same.

Okay, my 23rd post is titled: getting to know you, and the fifth sentence reads as, "Then my sister cam right after for 2 weeks, then his brother moved in."

hmmmm, takes me back to (was it just???) last year. Dip Shit was off and running, no longer in our house (thank god). I didn't even know that I was pregnant with Emmie yet. Wow. Now I can't even remember what life was like without her, or Lexie for that matter.

Okay, I'm now tagging:

1. Michelle
2. Heather
3. Dottie
4. Dawn
5. Melissa

christina needs...

2005-10-14T15:32:00.000-07:00

I stole this idea from Beth, it looked like fun:

what you do is type in {your name here} needs (i.e. 'christina' needs) into the Google search engine and blog your top ten "needs"

So, christina needs...

1...to be thanked
2...a hand
3...to name-drop
4...to quit losing weight (oh I wish)
5...to consume 1725 calories per day to maintain her current weight
6...deeper drawers and some wall-mounted shelves (I think everyone really needs this)
7...to advance from good to great and become the bellwether district
in the state.
8...nearly 80 minutes to express herself (not really, just give me 5 minutes)
9...to own her whiteness and stop trying to be a rapper (I'd like to shout out to all my peeps for keepin' it real, yo)
10...needs to wear clothes ON TOP of her underwear (Is that how it goes?)

They must be lonely in Idaho

2005-10-11T20:38:00.000-07:00

So everyday while driving to work, I am tailgated by some moron who in turn is being tailgated by another moron. I, meanwhile, never tailgate because tailgating is a sin and sin is what leads you straight to hell.

Anyway, the tailgaters.

Yeah, I'm guessing all this fresh air and nature stuff makes drivers lonely. So lonely that they want to be able to see your facial expressions in your rear view mirror. That and critique you on your radio station choice. Why else would they all ride so damn close to my (and everyone else's) back bumper.

Now, for some photographic evidence. This was taken while driving on the freeway, where the speed limit is 70 and I was doing 80. I hope you can see the car in my rear view mirror...look closely and you can see her tailgating buddy behind her in the white truck:

And, just for fun, some loverly nature shots. They don't have pretty things like this in California (not that I have seen, anyway):

ain't that the truth

2005-10-10T09:48:00.000-07:00

I hope you can read Emmie's shirt here. If not it says, "if I'm not sleeping, nobody's sleeping."

Lexie never cried hard. She had this soft little whimper I could just pick up over the intercom at 2 in the morning. I loved it. She also never completely woke up, would just gulp her meal and drift back to the land of Nod.

Emmie, the complete opposite. Screams loud enough to wake the dead. And after gulping down her 8 ounce bottle (!), does she fall gently back to sleep? No, she gurgles and coos for about two hours, making damn sure the entire household is awake. Lovely.

So, we totally thought this t-shirt (a hand-me-down from Lexie, no less) was appropriate.

This isn't supposed to happen for another 20 years

2005-10-07T10:26:00.000-07:00

S called me at work last night:

Me: Hello?
S: Hey!
Me: if you're calling to tell me what's happening on Survivor, you're too late. Linda beat you to it.
S: What? No...
Me: So...
S; What's today's date?
Me: (eye roll) The 6th, why?
S: And?
Me: And what? (I hate when he does this, which is all the time)
S: And what was Tuesday's date?
Me: Oh for crying out loud (so my grandma there)! It was the 4th, you called to ask me that?
S: No, no. Think about it.
Me: ...
S: ...
Me: ...um...OH MY GOD!
S: Happy Anniversary to you to Honey.

Yes, internet I, a red-blooded woman, have forgotten my wedding anniversary. S did too, but he gets bonus points for remembering before I did. I'm thinking frantically now about Tuesday. Was it special in any way? Let's see, S slept all day, fighting off the adverse reaction to the antibiotics for his finger (more on that later), I cleaned the house and chased after Lexie, oh and made a lovely meal of Tuna and Noodles.

So classy, so romantic.

It's been two wild and crazy years. S, I love you. Or I lub you, as so fondly giggled 4 years ago.

Nerd power

2005-10-05T14:23:00.000-07:00

So, how much of a nerd am I if I confess that I love the new Backstreet Boys song, "Incomplete"? Yeah, I know.

Also, I totally love Kelly Clarkston, even though I swore I would never like anyone that came from the American Idol show. But, damn her songs are just so much fun to sing along to.

I also love old reruns of 'Golden Girls' and 'Home Improvement'. Sheesh, I am really embarassing myself here.

So, what things to you dig that make you a little "special"?

*oh and if you haven't, pop over and congratulate Michelle on making a beautiful baby.

I quit?

2005-10-04T11:33:00.000-07:00

Breastfeeding isn't going so well here in Casa de Austin. It hasn't for about 2 months now and I think my job is to blame. See, the first month I was a good mom and pumped when I got home from work so Emmie could have breast milk. Then, well then I just went all lazy and decided one bottle of formula wouldn't kill her. So, no it didn't kill Emmie, but it seems to have killed my supply. Emmie is hungry all day long. I've been nursing her every two hours, yet she still screams and cries. Then, two nights ago, she started refusing the boob.

So, I'm at a dilemma here. Do I forge through this hell or just give in to the bottle and formula? Don't tell me how much "easier" breastfeeding is, because for me it's not. I'm a little to well-endowed and it makes nursing quite the chore. So many things to do; make sure I'm not suffocating the baby, make sure she stays latched, don't let go of the boob or nipple is ripped from the poor feeding baby's mouth...you get the picture.

The pros and cons are about even. I know that formula is more expensive and not as good as breast milk for my little Emmie, but those pale in comparison to my well-being and enjoyment of my baby. I'm still thinking about. You'll know in a few days.

what the?

2005-09-28T16:14:00.000-07:00

what all the kids are getting this Christmas, you know so the TV can totally take over your job.

The late show

2005-09-27T23:26:00.000-07:00

well, lower class was fun. I think we have now entered white trash level. Oh yeah, they shut off our phone. Granted it was a cell phone (I hate landlines), but that doesn't change the fact that we're now one step above those that live in trailers with extension cords running in their electricity.

Okay, I'm exaggerating a bit. See, when S went and purchased his phone, his Dipshit brother "bought" a phone too. What I didn't know then, but know now is that S put them both in his name. Yeah, I said those choice words you all are thinking, too.

Anyway, seems when one is homeless and addicted to drugs, one cannot pay one's cell phone bill. Leaving us to hold the bag. All $350.00 in charges. And that's for one month. I shut his phone off before he could order any more Shakira ring tones on our dime. But, too little too late. And since we didn't have that kind of extra cash lying around, they cut our communications off. Luckily, S just got a raise and we can pay the ghastly bill in full Friday.

I feel naked without a phone. And S is hating it, because I now have time to really think about how fucked up what he did was. I love the man and his generosity, but this blind faith in his washed up sibling is driving me batty! I mean, enough is enough. It's time to cut that umbilical line.

I'm so glad we made this move. It's easier for S to say no to Dipshit with 950 miles between the two of them. S is finally coming out of the dark and realizing he's been had. Finally.

what was I before this?

2005-09-26T13:14:00.000-07:00

the house is quiet and mommy is happy. God, I love it when both girls go down for naps at the same time. It's like Christmas. I run around, barely containing the scream forming on my lips, not knowing what to do first. Should I wash the dishes from breakfast, should I do some laundry, should I make the bed? No, I'm going to veg in front of the computer and then I'm going to eat Oreos without a little person crawling up my leg yelling, "Gimme ookie! Gimme ookie!"

It's funny, just the other night I was reminiscing with S about the days before children (BC). But you know, for the life of me I couldn't remember what I did with all my time BC. I do know I slept more, but really? That's all I did? I can't imagine life without kids and don't want to. Sure, I do miss sleep (oh glorious sleep, when will I see you again?), but I've learned to adapt. I can now change clothes, diapers, make three meals a day and pay the bills all on about 5 hours sleep. And that's 5 interrupted hours of sleep. Damn, I rock.

*okay Lost fans, what do you think is up with the hatch? S is convinced it's part of a cloning experiment and that all the castaways are actually clones of themselves...hmmmm. Post your theory here.

well, at least someone in this family is organized

2005-09-22T21:45:00.000-07:00

who knew? Emmie just needed some structure and routine to her days. Sheesh, talk about mommy-brain. How is it that I've completely forgotten all I learned while Lexie was a baby? Last year!

Today I actually had a happy baby on my hands. And S didn't get the usual meltdown from her after dinner. She slept through the night (7pm to 3am) and I'm willing to bet we have a repeat performance tonight. I feel like a freakin' genius here. Ha!

In other mundane news...I am so happy that the fall season has started. Lost and Survivor are rocking. These are the only two shows that both S and I like to watch. Nothing like couple-bonding over the boob tube. Gob bless America. Land of the lazy.

here from the trenches

2005-09-22T10:44:00.000-07:00

Well, last night S let Emmie cry-it-out while I was at work. I came home to a frazzled husband and a peacefully sleeping Emmie. She was in her own bed ans everything!

Today I braved it out and put her in her crib for a real nap. That was 45 minutes ago and she's still sleeping. Plus, she didn't cry once. Hot damn, I think we're on to something here.

I thought this didn't happen the second time around

2005-09-21T10:10:00.000-07:00

I guess what "they" say about your first child being the practice child were all wrong. I mean, I can kinda see the point of that. The first is where you learn what's right and what's a mistake. Leave it to me to buck the norm.

I've already messed up Emmie. Probably for life. See, we co-sleep with her. Granted it's only half the night, but I'm just too tired to fight her at 4am. Plus, we brilliant parents thought it would be great for them to share a room. Yeah, that's not working out so well. Seems like the screaming that wakes me up is also waking Lexie up. Not good.

Emmie has also gotten used to napping in her bouncy seat or the swing. She will not sleep in the crib. Damn the crib, she cries. So, the only crib time this kid is seeing is from 11pm to 4am. That's five hours people (yay, I can still do math!). Which means I'm only getting maybe 4 good hours of sleep. Seems I've let Emmie become a bed hog while I was also destroying my sleep pattern. Add a bed hogging husband and you have no room left for me.

I also rock her to sleep. This is something I never did with Lexie. My back wasn't in too good of shape back then (was it only last year, seems so long ago). But, the back has either healed itself, or I've become so sleep-deprived that I don't notice, so I rock and rock and rock. Oh and I rock some more. And this leads to. You guessed it, a baby who will not go to sleep on her own.

The kid's only 4 months old. There's still time to reverse the damage, right?

Hello world, it's me

2005-09-16T12:13:00.000-07:00

I'm alive, and improved with cable internet. The move into our own place! went smoothly. S did all the heavy lifting, I did all the bossing around. Perfect. The cable guy that came out here yesterday looked so much like Adam Levine from Maroon 5 that I was practically drooling and having the most impure thoughts. Thank God I remembered I was married, because I'm sure he would have had me, what with all the drool and spitup covering my pajama shirt and the wild, unkept 'do I was sporting on my head. Oh yeah, infidelity was imminent, but again thank God I remembered S.

It's still so surreal to me that we are living in an apartment with the same square footage as the house we were renting in California. And for a fraction of the monthly cost. It's wonderful. I sleep so much better at night knowing we aren't getting screwed out of most of our money.

The kids are great. Emmie learned to roll over this week. Lexie learned to hit Emmie with toys. This makes for one banged up Emmie. Poor thing. I can't wait for the day to come where she defends herself. Lexie is in for a nasty surprise. I'm laying my money on Emmie now.

I've been asked t be the Matron-of-Honor at my sister's nuptials this spring. I'm pretty jazzed since that means I beat out her twin sister. Take that, twin-bond my ass. I kid, it's probably on because I live in the same state. So internet, tell me what being a Matron-of-Honor entail? I know I throw the bachelorette party, and hold the flowers and fix the train of the dress, but what else do I need to do?

Oh yes, and who could forget this happy news?

pause

2005-09-11T19:28:00.000-07:00

well, finally got an apartment. I will be without internet for who knows how long. I know, I know, I died a little reading that too.

Hopefully I'll be back and actually posting to your blogs as well by the end of the week.

it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood

2005-09-08T09:56:00.000-07:00

Lot's of stuff going on around here, let's see if I can catch you up. But first, a look into how strange my mind is...

I'm a wiper-of-kisses. I always have been, always will. It drives S crazy that I always wipe my mouth with the back of my hand after he kisses me. I told him it's not that I don't like kisses, it's just that I don't like the wet feeling on my lips or cheeks or wherever. So, yesterday morning S kisses me goodbye and yells for me NOT to wipe his kiss away. I lay there in bed, physically holding my hands back, aching to wipe the wet kiss away. What made it especially horrible was the fact that he had just brushed his teeth, so his lips were wet and cold. Yuck. He laughed at me, finding great amusement in the fact that I was going mad with the need to wipe my mouth. I swear to you, my lips were tingling. Not the good kind either. It was the acid-eating-through-flesh tingling. I know, you're laughing at me now. But internet, I swear to you that's what I felt. S finally left and I scrubbed my lips dry with the comforter. And that is a small glimpse into the mind of Christina.

Now, exciting news! My sister is getting married! Her boyfriend of a year asked the big question Monday night. But only after asking our step-dad permission. Isn't that the cutest thing you've ever heard? My other sister's husband did that same thing. Not S though. No, we were "living in sin" and I was already knocked up when we got married. My mother calls me the alternative child. If there is an alternative way of doing things, especially if it's against the norm, by golly I'm doing it. The only downside of this is the fact that I have to wear a bridesmaid dress again. Yuck.

Still no news on a home for us. The property management company is taking it's sweet time getting back to us about our credit check. The other company we were going to use lost us when they cashed our check and ran our application on a property that was already rented. Losers. But, this other company seems to know what they are doing and they have some great little places in our price range. Here's to luck!

it's a beautiful day

2005-09-04T20:27:00.000-07:00

when another little one is born. Congratulations Toni.

We are family

2005-09-03T12:27:00.000-07:00

I've never really thought about how my family appears to people outside our "circle." But, living with them with S, he has given me some new insight. We are a ditzy bunch. Not ditzy dumb, just ditzy. We repeat things over and over (and over). We fail to listen when others are talking to us (which kind of goes hand-in-hand with the repeating thing). The more of us in the room, the louder the volume. We watch bad reality TV and comment throughout the show, thereby frustrating others like S who are trying to listen. None of us are good with direction. We're what you call landmark drivers. You know the type. We'll tell you to turn at the Shell station as opposed to turning onto Main Street.

With all of these quirks comes a lot of love. Sure we tease each other to no end. I'm still getting crap from fall I took in front of everyone, quite embarrassing. But it's this love and affection that keep us close. I love every member of this crazy bunch and would do anything for any of them.

This all being said though...I am so sick of living here. I long for a place of my own, a place with my furniture and my decorative taste. If I have to look at one more country-style painted heart I will scream. Everything here is pink and blue. My mom is a nerd (I've inherited that), I love her, just not her style. We're still waiting for out credit check for the apartment we want. I wonder what is taking so freaking long. How thorough do they need to be? Sheesh.

So, I will stand it here a little longer and hope the word is good come Tuesday (stupid Monday holiday). Keep those fingers crossed.

aren't they sweet?

2005-08-30T09:54:00.000-07:00

after many, many, many attempts we finally achieved a semi-nice picture of the two girls:

here is what the other 23 pictures looked like from that session:

and here:

Long time ago when we was fab

2005-08-25T13:11:00.000-07:00

Here are some random photos of sweet, cute, little old me:

1982, I'm 4 in this picture. Can you see the damage from thumb-sucking on my teeth?

1986, I'm 8 1/2 here. All I remember was I fought my teacher to keep that sweater on only to have my mom yell at me for not taking it off.

1987, I'm 9 1/2 and looking geeky. In the photo, as well as the two above, I am wearing outfits my mother sewed for me. Unfortunately, I possess none of this talent.

1996, I'm 17 here. That's my youngest sister Katie there with me. We're on the Peter Pan ride at Disneyland, I think. I'm wearing a bright yellow Magical Mystery Tour shirt and a Piglet watch. This was the beginning of my still ongoing obsession with the Beatles. Yeah, I was so cool.

I'll have to dig up some super embarrassing junior high pics. I think my mom hid them so I wouldn't destroy them, smart lady that she is.

I'm a working (wo)man

2005-08-24T13:25:00.000-07:00

Well, I got the job cleaning the daycare where my sister works. Sounds easy enough, just 15 hours a week, weekends off. I like that I'll be there by myself. That's three glorious hours all by my lonesome, just me and a mop. I love how the center is set up, very easy cleaning. Everything is plastic. I'm now considering going that route for my house.

Speaking of houses...still nothing on that front. I'm going to look at apartments today. I was so set against renting an apartment, but seeing how much cheaper they are to house rentals I think I can compromise. That way we can save, save, save for a house to OWN. I'm so sick of renting.

The kids are great. Emmie is growing like a weed. Still nursing like a champ. We hadn't given her a bottle in a few weeks, so last night I gave her one to make sure she would still take it. Lucky for me, actually S since he'll be feeding her while I work, she took it with much pleasure. She lives to eat, just like her big sister. She is also smiling and cooing and trying very hard to roll over.

Lexie is starting to pick up in her vocabulary. She says: please (pease), thanks ('anks), your welcome (welcome), the standard hi and bye, who's that (also used for what's that), down (meaning up), mom, daddy, grandpa (bapa), and Kaya (our dog) and Daisy (my mom's dog). There are a few others that I can't think of right now, but you get the picture. I think living here in a very busy, people filled home has helped her pick up the speech more. She also screams everything she says. There is no quiet setting on this girl. Just like her mama.

I've had a blast going through old photos of my family and me. I will scan a few and post them so you can see what a DORK I was (still am).

Oh and Linda, for some reason I can't post on your site. So, hey to you. I'm still reading you and all that. I'll figure out the problem here soon.

that would be a hell no

2005-08-19T10:10:00.000-07:00

The house I really wanted; the one with the quaint kitchen, bearclaw bathtub, and the cellar straight out of a Stephen King book; yeah, this house is two doors down from a halfway house for sexual offenders. Seems Mrs. Spazzy Owner "forgot" to mention this little nugget of info when we were in the process of falling in love with her house. How does one "forget" something like this?

Seems that it doesn't bother her, what with the fact that she has no children and the men living there have never given her any troubles. Yeah, no troubles lady. Let's hear you say that when one of them breaks into your house late at night to "chat" with you. And by "chat" I mean tie you up and ravage you. Let's see you "forget" that they are two doors down then.

So, the search for living quarters continues...

pros and cons

2005-08-17T09:26:00.000-07:00

Here I am, still living with the 'rents. It hasn't been that bad really. I just hate sharing a room with both kids. Lexie has started snoring, which would be cute if I was hearing it over an intercom and not in my right ear. S and my step-dad have bonded over basement remodeling and softball. The testosterone is flying here.

Some great points about living with my mom, step-dad and sisters:

free babysitting,
meaning I get long, leisurely showers.
homecooked meals that I didn't have to prepare.
free babysitting.
trying to do the dishes and getting shoo'd away (is shoo'd a word?).
free babysitting.
reconnecting with my mom and sisters.
free babysitting
saving bunches of money by not having any bills to pay, other than cell phone and car payments.

But, as you know, with the good comes the bad:

no privacy
guilt over watching my mom clean up after all of us
no privacy
buying a bag of candy and not even getting one piece (thanks mom).
no privacy
the imagined pressure to find a place already. My mom and step-dad insist they aren't sick of us, but I don't want to push it.
the fear that I'm cashing all my free babysitting chips in now, as opposed to when I might actually need them (Starbuck's runs are not really that necessary).

So, we have a few houses to look at tonight. Rent here is cheap and that's what we want. We have a goal of how much to save for a downpayment and I already have an area picked out for where I want to live. Downtown Coeur d'Alene is so quaint and charming, I just want to gobble the whole town up.

Oh, and I bit the bullet and applied at Starbucks. My sister's boss hasn't gotten back to me yet, and I need a job like yesterday. I'll let you all know how that goes.

but are they hiring?

2005-08-11T19:24:00.000-07:00

It's weird, asking a place if they are hiring. I feel like an imposter. And I feel old. When did that happen? And would it be that very strange to have a boss that is young enough to be my kid, if I was having kids at 11 that is?

I'm looking for part-time work. Basically, some no-brainer job that brings in a little extra cash so we can save for a downpayment on a house. I'm thinking Starbucks or one of the many hotels in the Coeur d'Alene area. But walking into the Starbucks here, I realize how so uncool I really am. All the kids (emphasis on kids) working behind the counter are just so...you know. With it. They wear the latest fashions, listen to the newest music. And here I am, a mother to two small children, married, approaching my thirties at a frightening speed. Do I really think I can work with these young people? I feel like I did on the first day of high school, a time I would rather forget.

I hated high school, which I think most people did. I hated trying so hard to make sure everyone liked me. Hated worrying about the clothes I couldn't afford to buy and wondering if anyone would notice that I was wearing a knockoff pair of jeans. Really, why would I want to throw myself back into an atmosphere like that again. An atmosphere where this time I know I'm not cool, not wearing the right thing, not saying the right thing. Where every night the kids just roll their eyes and exclaim that I'm too old to understand (have I really gotten to that point already?).

Well, money is money and the really question is: how badly do I need it to subject myself to the kind of headtrip I'm already starting with myself? Not that bad. Which is why I'm applying for a job cleaning a daycare after hours. That way I don't have to deal with people and I get to do what I now do best. Clean up after little people.

still alive

2005-08-05T16:10:00.000-07:00

Well, here I am pounding away at my mother's computer, wondering if this was the right move. Of course I know it was, but S and I have been questioning our sanity for the last couple of days. All we can do is trust that all will be well.

Fun things are happening here. Lexie learned how to climb out of her crib. It's toddler bed time. Yes, she climbs out of that too, but as long as the door is shut, she falls alseep kind of near her bed. Near as in on the basement floor and the other side of the room. Even though I placed many pillows near her crib, she chooses the floor. What a weird kid I have. She also learned that she loves the taste of dog food, and wilkl eat it at any chance she gets. Again, she is a weird, weird kid. She must be mine. Emmie is doing great, hasn't complained about moving once. Doesn't even seem to notice. I guess when all you do is sleep and eat, it doesn't matter where you do these things just so long as you can do them. Kaya (the wonder pup) is fairing well. My mother's dog, Daisy, took a bite out of her hindquarters. Don't fear, 'tis merely a flesh wound.

All in all we are doing great. I'm loving having trees to look at, instead of concrete BART tracks. It was so strange how quiet it is at night. S had to dig up a fan to turn on just so we had some background noise. I know, damn city slickers that we are can't handle a little peace ans quiet.

All my bags are packed...

2005-07-31T22:48:00.000-07:00

Well, the internet gets shut off tomorrow morning. So, this is a goodbye-for-now post.

I hope to be back up and posting by Wednesday night. Well, maybe Thursday. I will need some rest after the grueling 20 hour drive. With two kids. Alone in the car with me. AGH!

Wish me luck!

t-minus 3 days and counting

2005-07-30T13:10:00.000-07:00

AGH! Why is it that I have been packing for almost a month and I'm still nowhere near being done? And why does S keep scheduling 'fun' things for us to do in the last week we're here? He wants us all to go waterskiing tomorrow. Which really means, he skis while I chase after Lexie and Emmie. Fun for all!

So, I've been thinking (uh oh). I feel I'm pretty open here on this blog, and I'm pretty open in real life too. Is this a bad thing? S seems to think so, he says I give people way too much ammo to use against me later. I say it keeps me honest and let's me know who really likes me.

I bring this up because on a message board I belong to (you know who you are), I was sharing some of my recent past history involving arrests and drugs. S was reading over my shoulder and couldn't believe I was putting that all out on the internet! For everyone to read! I could hear the exclamation points in his voice! I figure, what better place to share the real you, the real things you have done than the internet. The internet is still relatively anonymous, and it's not like I'm telling things I wouldn't tell a real living human (you know, as opposed to the real dead humans).

These things I have lived through have shaped me into the person I am today. Some might say that is a good thing, since I'm so damn wonderful. Others might think the exact opposite. And to them I have two little words, and they aren't "I'm sorry."

So, how do you feel about sharing personal info on the web? I'm not talking bank info and social security numbers (God, I hope none of you share that stuff. But if you do, email me). I'm talking about embarrassing things, illegal things, stuff like that. I live in a world where I interact with people more online than anywhere else. Am I sharing too much? Not enough? Do you want me to just shut up already?

bad girl

2005-07-27T10:27:00.000-07:00

okay blogging world, I know I've been a bad blogger lately. I'm sorry to all of you wonderful blogs that I read everyday, yet have failed to comment on in weeks. I try, but sometimes all I have time for is a quick read then it's back to packing. Packing and chasing Lexie around yelling, "no, Lexie. NO, Lexie. NO, LEXIE!"

It will only get worse here before it gets better. Looks like we'll be at mom's for at least 2-3 weeks and yes she has internet, but it's dial-up (AGH, NOOOOOO). After that we may not get internet service for a while to save some money, but I know the library there has free internet usage for poor folk like me. I will try to keep up on posting, but commenting I can't promise.

So, know that I am still out here stalking you...er, I mean reading. Just reading. No, I am not stalking you. Well, okay maybe a little. But, it's just because you are so much cooler than I am.

it's my bloggiversary

2005-07-26T13:23:00.000-07:00

one year ago today, I posted the first post that got I woke Up For This... rolling. Will someone tell the 2004 model of Christina that the new (but not necessarily improved) 2005 model says hope you enjoyed that oh-so-boring motherhood while it lasted.

It's been a long and bumpy ride to today. A lot has happened and a lot has changed. Well, except for me being weird. That's a quality I'm never parting with, baby!

Here's to another year of blogging history.

*and yes, I do still sing "why is your butt so stinky?"

crazy

2005-07-22T21:18:00.000-07:00

Well, we only have about a week left of living in good ol' California. God, I will so not miss this place.

I'm running around like a mad woman trying to get everything packed, organized and whatnot. All the stuff we didn't sell at the garage sale has to be sorted through for what can be donated and what can be tossed. S and I are fighting over the refrigerator. He wants to sell it (to who???) and I want to keep it. I mean, it's not like we're moving in with my parents up there, we're just crashing there until we find a (preferably) house to rent. My dryer crapped out so that takes care of one big item. We're leaving the washer too because it's one hundred years old and I have the sneaking suspicion that it's not cleaning my clothes the way it should.

I'm getting so excited. I feel like this is a chance for S and I to start fresh. California is a great place to live if you have a load of money. Or if you don't mind never being ahead. Think about this. Minimum wage here is $7.15, I know seems like a lot, right? Well, a single family home, built about sixty years ago in the town I'm living in now (which isn't a very nice town) has an asking price of $500,000.00. Yeah. Rent on a one bedroom apartment starts at about $900.00 a month. Now, tell me how anyone without a "career" can make it here. They can't, so says the lines at the welfare office.

I know it's going to be rough for us in the beginning. But, S loves to work hard and is also planning on finishing his schooling for his electricians license (something he couldn't afford to do here once Lexie was born), and I will have the help of my sisters and mother so if I wanted to work I could. Which I will probably do in a few months, just something part-time to help get our savings back.

Well, now you know a little more about my plans. Sorry for the yawn posts lately, but my mind is in a million different modes right now. So, consider yourselves lucky that I'm posting at all.

do you see what toddlers do to you?

2005-07-19T09:45:00.000-07:00

Have I told you of my long-term childhaving plan? Do you want to know? Well, too bad 'cause it's part of what I want to tell you.

Our plan is to have Lexie and Emmie, then wait three years and try again. That is if my woman parts cooperate as nicely as they did with the conceiving of Emmie. Before Lexie was born, our plan was just to have one because we thought even one was a long shot. Then Emmie came to us so quickly and we started having wonderful fantasies about gaggles of children (and with gaggles? I mean four).

But then, Lexie became a toddler. A terrible toddler. You know what I'm talking about. The constant screaming, the biting, the hitting, the hair pulling...the list goes on and on. Did you know she bit her little baby sister last night? Bit her. On the toe. Yeah. So, while Emmie's screaming because well, her toe hurt and Lexie's screaming because who knows why, S turns to me and says, "that's it! We're so done having kids." You guys, my uterus died a little right then and there.

I can see where he's coming from....wait, no I can't. He thinks having two little ones is hard? Really. Who is home with them all...day...long? Who changes the 20 diapers a day? Who is up to her ears in laundry and dishes? Me, the mommy, that's who. And do I think I'm done? Hell no. I know it's hard now, but I also know it will get (somewhat) easier later. So, as lovingly as I could, I turned to S and told him to, "we'll be done having kids when I say we're done having kids!" Think he got my point?

I'm on empty

2005-07-18T13:07:00.000-07:00

I've got nothing. My blog-well has run dry. Too many times I have run to the computer, with a half-formed post entry rambling about in my head, only to draw a complete blank once my fingers hit the keyboard. So, I'll just give you some highlights from my weekend.

Saturday we held a garage sale and made a whopping $30.00. Which was actually $30.00 more than I thought we would make. We also found a home for my guinea pig, Pippin. I was a little sad about that until I remembered what a pain in the ass is was to clean his cage and how expensive that bedding was (because I am a neurotic freak who had to use the ultra-absorbent, naturally processed, made-from-recycled-newpaper bedding). I also found a new home for my fish. Don't worry Kaya (the wonder-chihuahua) is staying with us.

****okay, I just had like two paragraphs about what I did yesterday and Lexie hit some button and made it all go away. Argh! To recap: I watched a sucky-ass movie and that was about it. Hmm, now that I think about it, Lex might have done me a favor. I mean really, two paragraphs about nothing?****

I'm tipsy and feeling long-winded

2005-07-14T20:28:00.000-07:00

My good friend from high school, Jen (one 'n' and don't forget it), came over tonight and got me tipsy on some kind of alcohol concoction. And now I'm blogging. Fun times.

Is it bad that the first sip relaxed me in a way I haven't felt in a while? Jen and I analyzed this to death about an hour ago, trying to decide if that made me an alcoholic. I don't think so, I think it just means I've been wound tighter than a...than a...than something wound tight (whoa, my brain is really functioning on high right now, not). I worry about these things though because a) I'm a worrier and b) I'm a recovering addict.

Did you know that about me internet? Yes, I Christina, used to have a problem with substance aduse. But that's all for another post on another day. Anyway, the 12-step program I worked through beat it into my head that alcohol is a drug. I just don't see that. I mean, if I was chugging 6-packs every few hours, or if my every waking thought revolved around my next drink, than yes I could say it was a problem for me. But I'm not and I don't, so let's leave it at that.

Anywho, my reason for sitting down to blog has escaped me and now I think I'm rambling. I think I'll turn in for the night. S has agreed to Emmie duty since I had a major tear-filled breakdown this afternoon due to my lack of sleep. God bless my husband. Oh, and God bless my Avent Isis pump. I don't know where I'd be without either of you.

Oh, and Heather! thanks so much for getting me hooked on this damn website. I sat reading those postcards forever today, and now my eyes are crossing. That will teach me to go through someone's blog links.

great news

2005-07-14T12:35:00.000-07:00

Get over to Linda's blog and congratulate her on her wonderful news.

I am so excited for you Linda. Congratulations my dear internet friend!

well sure, I forgive you (but I'll hate you forever)

2005-07-13T14:29:00.000-07:00

I have a little problem with letting things go. Especially grudges. I love to secretly hate people. Well, S would say it's not really a secret when I bitch about them all the time, but what does he know? Certainly not the fact that I'm still mad at him for that thing he did in June of 2000.

How bad is my grudge-holding, you ask? Well, how's this for sick. I am still mad at my old friend Susan because she became a major twat over my hanging out with her best buddy Keith. Mind you, both Keith and Susan are dead now. Unfortunately, Keith killed himself in 2002, which I'm still angry over (with good reason) and Susan died in a car accident in 2003 (time to let that one go). I will find myself getting all worked up over something she said and then sheepishly remember that she's gone. I did have the chance to talk some of our problems out with her about a month prior to her passing, but the Keith issue was never touched. In some ways I'm sad about that, but in other's...well, I secretly enjoy holding onto that anger. It's a sickness I tell you.

What sucks about me being a major grudge-holder is that I am also cursed with a wickedly good memory. I can remember conversations verbatim from years ago. So, I can totally be (secretly) harboring ill-will for you over something you don't even remember saying. It's like I have a catalog in my brain for each person I meet. It comes in handy when having an actual argument with someone, because I can whip out facts and nonsense to make their head spin. Wait, I'm starting to see why I don't have any friends. I kid, I kid (I hope, I hope).

The reason for this post is this: I'm moving a few states away in a few weeks and I find myself trying to sabotage the few friendships I have here. Namely, my one good friend in particular. I find myself spending my time with her now remembering all the things she has said that have pissed me off. It's like it would be easier to leave on bad terms, than to make the promises of coming to visit and weekly phone calls. And I find myself looking back and seeing that this is the normal pattern for me. I've made clean breaks from my closest friends whenever I moved in the past. And when I look back on those friendships all I remember are the grudges I hold and a few fond memories, but not as many as one would expect.

Is this really healthy? No. Is it easier than fessing up to the pain of missing someone and admitting that your life is a little less full without them? Hell yes. So, see I am a little crazy. I am a little nutty. But, don't try to tell me because I'll just end up hating you later.

*I'm disabling comments on this one as it was more of a therapy session and I don't want any assvice. Not that most of you would dispense of said assvice, but you know...just in case.

mice, rats, and spiders...oh my!

2005-07-12T12:46:00.000-07:00

Our house is under attack by little creatures that like to come out at night. I knew we had mice, we've been battling them for a while now. But, imagine my surprise when the other night a rat ran down our hallway. Into my bedroom. My bedroom folks, where I sleep at night. Where I am naked at least once a day. I feel dirty just thinking about it.

The battle is raging. I tried sticky traps only to find the traps in new locations with some fur on them. I have to laugh because I can so picture some dumb rat running around with a trap stuck to it's head. How it's getting loose is beyond me. I'd rather not think about it. I've now resorted to poison. I've hidden it in strategic points around the house (don't worry, little fingers can't find it). So far I've had two kills. Victory will be mine.

Another creature making itself comfy in our backyard is the black widow. I'm totally fascinated with these beautiful spiders as you can see by the pictures I took here and here*. Yes, I actually got down on my hands and knees to take those. I'm weird, but that was established long ago. These beauties are residing under a patio chair. Needless to say, it's theirs now, none of us will be sitting there anytime soon. In fact, the chair is staying here when we move.

This is making it all so much easier to move. I mean really, who wants to stay in a house with rodents and spiders? Let's just hope they don't find us in Idaho too.

*if you're wondering...yes, I took pictures of one of the mice too. He was trapped behind our stove. Sadly, S deleted those pictures. He deleted them all the while mumbling about how his poor wife had gone insane. I say how can one go insane when they already were...heehee!

boxes...I don't need no stinkin' boxes

2005-07-08T13:43:00.000-07:00

I hate packing. It sucks. A lot.

The end of July is rapidly approaching and I'm starting to stress about the move to Idaho. We still have no place, but I'm working on that. My mother is acting as our apartment scout. She actually goes out every day and looks at potential places for us. She rocks! I think what's really motivating her is the not wanting us living with her. I don't blame her at all, I don't want to live with her either. Did that for 18 years, don't need to do it anymore. We get along great now and I think that is mostly because we aren't living under the same roof. Well, that and the fact that I finally pulled my head out of my ass.

I didn't realize how hard it would be trying to pack with a toddler running around. I don't know why I didn't realize this, I mean everything else is hard with a toddler, so why would packing be any different. I just have to pack while she's sleeping. See, I'm becoming a smarter parent every day.

Well, I apologize for this post not really going anywhere. My mind is whirling and I can't seem to grab any of the thoughts tumbling around in all that empty space. Plus, our house smells like poo. Seems that the poo-bomb swim diaper of Lexie's got forgotten about in the sideyard waste can. Add in some California summer heat and viola...poo smelling house.